tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-63028327866441624382024-03-18T02:47:46.568-07:00The Fleeting Forever Expansion Fantastical Life is short. Or perhaps it lasts for a really, really long time. No one is really sure. Which sucks. If they can't figure that out definitively then what else don't we really know? The perfect size for a jar? What a fuckin' miserable thought.
Fuck that.
Instead here are the silly, weird, unhinged, absurd, silly, stupid, completely unrelated to hinges (moslty), poorly edited, outpourings and thought vomits of a silly idiotic teddy-bear of a dickhead.
Staring David 'Pinky-Von-Sox' Tieck
David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.comBlogger1023125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-63660947874002092222023-10-17T05:47:00.003-07:002023-10-17T19:05:28.792-07:00Does your town need a Diner called Gummy Pete’s? Here’s how to find out! <p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Does the following sound familiar?</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“What do you want for dinner?”</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“I don’t know what do you want for dinner?”</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“I don’t know what do YOU want for dinner?” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“I don’t KNOW what do YOU WANT for dinner?” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Etc </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">It’s been reported that as many twelve different families have had this exchange. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Some say as many as 6% of divorced couples that end up in divorce have had this conversation at some point in their marriage (twice during the reception - chicken or different equally tasty chicken option? You fools). </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Three out of every four three and four year olds have this conversation at every are you three or four feast. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">And I mean literally seventeen different international space station brawls resulting in a fatality started with a chat like this. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Remember when we used to have two moons?</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Well what few people know is that one time in the 1970s an argument broke out on the international space station over what to have for dinner, which eventually it descended to..</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">“Do you want the silver sack of slime or the silver tube of sludge?” and that was the exchange that started the fight that ended with the second moon accidentally being popped like a balloon- and they hadn’t even tested the soil for dormant intergalactic gnat feces yet. Aaaaggh. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Which brings us to the number one reason YOUR town, (or city, or village, or backyard, or international space station) needs a new diner called Gummy Pete’s: </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Number One: “What should we do for dinner?” - Answer every single dang time “Gummy Pete’s!”</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Number Two: Consider these great sentences you’d get to say </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">- “I swear I wasn’t ignoring your calls, I was at Gummy Pete’s!” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">- “Who ate all the soup? Ah dang it, I was saving that, I got that at Gummy Pete’s!” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">- “The lab have confirmed those WERE bite marks on the victim, that means at this point EVERYONE is a suspect. Except of course you Gummy Pete” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">- “No I’ve never met anyone called Toothy Pat, it’s probably irrelevant, but I do know a Gummy Pete?”</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">- “Have you not met? Oh shit, well this is my friend Gummy Pete” and even</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">- “Hiiii Gummy Pete!” </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Number Three: The pancakes are probably pretty good. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: x-small;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivHDEup-iIMKzmvmW_58ab82ZBswh3tOh2SL6260bHV2l7AlC6gNr4ipKBUbtKSnWT-UITKoQMP8aQtXGd86dqkRfHoie7eE96wcFn-fvPuzk8S7dyq2FfETH9UA1-3TSi4WFStfDZUs312oQ4O8hvwbQwuI3zTIn_tYChkqj_luyJphtXJZldi0mPNNw/s1024/IMG_1807.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivHDEup-iIMKzmvmW_58ab82ZBswh3tOh2SL6260bHV2l7AlC6gNr4ipKBUbtKSnWT-UITKoQMP8aQtXGd86dqkRfHoie7eE96wcFn-fvPuzk8S7dyq2FfETH9UA1-3TSi4WFStfDZUs312oQ4O8hvwbQwuI3zTIn_tYChkqj_luyJphtXJZldi0mPNNw/s320/IMG_1807.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></span></div><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Well I think we’ve answered this one, yay, your town (or other kind of place or space station) DOES need a Gummy Pete’s! Congratulations. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">For information on signing up to be a franchisee please write in the comments why YOU are the person most worthy of running a Gummy Pete’s. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Note: Gummy Pete’s franchises do come with a working milkshake machine, but we do not provide an actual Gummy Pete. If you do not know anyone named Gummy Pete you can hire, we recommend hiring someone named Pete and giving them LOTS of free milkshakes. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Ps. I miss the second moon, it wasn’t as good at encouraging teenage boys to show their bums to people in McDonalds car parks as the one we have left, but oh boy did it try. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Pps. If you don’t remember the second moon then the aliens won, damn, I was really rooting for us. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Ppps. Just have a buffet at your wedding please, it’s the only way to keep everyone slightly below satisfied. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Pppps. That was a test and you failed, all weddings should be at GUMMY PETE’S! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Ppppps. Wait you can buy gummy candies that look like teeth, but NOT gummies that look like gums. That is so dang meta, you are brilliant Gummy Pete! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxXxrEIrrum2Hh13k18NSJQ969AZqItnz5W6XqBq4_mBvn9S9G4VPiQdtROlmg81MONR2OROdC8C1cuisXd0BfcACdYZutQ57mF_DZuhMBMRfcGHlHRwq5zVDcOenfJYcUeQSr7IYjmOWsYeszGSRO0FPQkEXk44RmkhhHWRsPiMyNEZdC5dKfJAf0riw/s225/IMG_1806.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="224" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxXxrEIrrum2Hh13k18NSJQ969AZqItnz5W6XqBq4_mBvn9S9G4VPiQdtROlmg81MONR2OROdC8C1cuisXd0BfcACdYZutQ57mF_DZuhMBMRfcGHlHRwq5zVDcOenfJYcUeQSr7IYjmOWsYeszGSRO0FPQkEXk44RmkhhHWRsPiMyNEZdC5dKfJAf0riw/s1600/IMG_1806.JPG" width="224" /></a></div><br /><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-11936358885786653602023-09-13T22:23:00.000-07:002023-09-13T22:23:02.969-07:00Brand New Thoughts <p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">Anyone here ever had thoughts? I have. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">In fact, I’ve been thinking about thoughts today which has me thoughting, that we’ve </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">all heard of old thoughts right? Some of us may even have them ourselves, often as often one or two times in our life time OR even more often. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">I’m just </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">regular every day old thoughts, thoughts like…</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><i>“If I owned pants I’d totally put them on at this buffet, cause then I could put some of the food in my PANTS</i>” </p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;">“<i>Anyone know where I left my pants? Oh that’s right, I don’t own any."</i></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;">"<i>I just don’t get why I keep getting thrown out of buffets?"</i><span class="s2"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;">"<i>Is that a dolphin, how did a DOLPHIN get in this elevator, oh wait, ha ha, that’s not a dolphin, duh, it’s a marlin, of course… they can press the buttons with their spear noses, wait is that Marlin giving that dinosaur an ear piercing, yes, yes it is</i>"... or </p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;">"<i>So you’re telling me that I’m getting kicked out of this buffet for 'dress rules' and yet a dinosaur with a damn EAR PIERCING is allowed to stay"</i>!! </p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinBQGUu4Rq6lujfDGfcJBD2yuMWEkTQeBk5fkUgeVtnfhNoZMah5oyjL7JAW1Z3G6VhY5T3aLhowh4uZG_FjPoZJ5H7mJo9BAiUpDe7WeHJ-sy6Mi8SLz4uxzls9P-vXdJf32hf_2KuelC4xjzoxzKMT_oRiM37L0uuSfeVQ5tQ7KwSYslojTSwhHIMxw/s1024/IMG_1090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinBQGUu4Rq6lujfDGfcJBD2yuMWEkTQeBk5fkUgeVtnfhNoZMah5oyjL7JAW1Z3G6VhY5T3aLhowh4uZG_FjPoZJ5H7mJo9BAiUpDe7WeHJ-sy6Mi8SLz4uxzls9P-vXdJf32hf_2KuelC4xjzoxzKMT_oRiM37L0uuSfeVQ5tQ7KwSYslojTSwhHIMxw/s320/IMG_1090.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span class="s2">Well those thoughts are all awesome, and yet they are … old. And I have had enough, I am ready for some new thoughts, brand new, fresh off the noggin' thought, so far untarnished by explanation, reputation, and undulation. </span><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">I know it sounds impossible, but right now, me, Davey "Tiger" T, is going to a</span>ttempt, to have a NEW thought, a completely new thought, the first new thought any human has had since 1612. </p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;">To make it even harder, I am putting just three minutes on the clock to achieve this, starting… </p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Now </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Um </span></p><ul class="ul1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; list-style-type: "— "; text-size-adjust: auto;"><li class="li3" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2">pants but with like a bit of the pants that’s not usually on pants like a collar, but with no starch but you can pop it up, but it is hard to put a tie in.. fuck no</span></li><li class="li3" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2">Um. Instead of whistling along to a song, have a song take you to the movies and buy you popcorn and then later maybe you and the song can take an accounting course together, wait.. a NIGHT accounting course, ooh La La.. no fuck </span></li><li class="li3" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2">Three frogs that like to pretend to be roads, no no no, FOUR frogs that’s like to pretend to be <i>toads</i>, but then it turns out one of them doesn’t even know what a toad is, so is really bad at it, but they are good at being roads, what no.. </span></li><li class="li3" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2">Toad buffet in PANTS! </span></li></ul><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Time. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Fuck. Those were all also old thoughts. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="s2"><br /></span></div><p></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">So I think we’ve answered this one. New thoughts is not new at all, because we’ve all already thought all the thoughts and made them old thoughts. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Sorry everyone. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Ps. If YOU have a new thought, let us here at the fantastical hear about it. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Pps. Please note: The marlin giving a dinosaur an ear piercing was included in this blog as a mere illustration of clear normality, please do NOT take this as a sign that you can easily get a marlin to pierce the ear of YOUR dinosaur, unless you’re happy to be considered old news, and/ or you’re just all stuck in an elevator together and you have nothing better to do. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2">Ppps. But if that is the case, try to get the marlin to use it’s nose spear to press the button for floor 72 - ha ha - I bet it can’t, cause most buildings don’t even go that high!</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;">In conclusion: </p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;">If you ever see a dolphin wearing pants at your local buffet, just change your whole plan of attack, cause there aint NO WAY your getting any shrimp. </p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEziaqWSEzY_-jnlizvfcPbJLTsYpRQlKmXPaPiIbRhIg6uSInbRVu2c94vwNlcsNnNo2HE__t_niIgVk3-rPWJWZ8RwPd4APNyjSlTnzaT1xBBi-lzZPLV0eFrC52CozPccLZ1XUgQfiIUa3pHOBJUFbe8yggmC8SD-J4MQiBOFo5ULHRRIinTnCVs80/s1024/IMG_1093%203.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEziaqWSEzY_-jnlizvfcPbJLTsYpRQlKmXPaPiIbRhIg6uSInbRVu2c94vwNlcsNnNo2HE__t_niIgVk3-rPWJWZ8RwPd4APNyjSlTnzaT1xBBi-lzZPLV0eFrC52CozPccLZ1XUgQfiIUa3pHOBJUFbe8yggmC8SD-J4MQiBOFo5ULHRRIinTnCVs80/s320/IMG_1093%203.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-72219396614623478982023-07-07T04:33:00.003-07:002023-07-07T04:33:31.166-07:00 Poem - The Nervous Type<p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Doug is the nervous type.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">The type who every time he hears a car near him slow down for a speed bump he first assumes they are slowing down to get him! - Or tell him off - Or tell him HE should go get someone - Or try to sell him lemons.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And he doesn’t need any fucking lemons most of the time. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But other times, in the sometimes worlds</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> He DOES need lemons </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Which makes it all the more suspicious </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“Who TOLD you I need lemons” he’d scream, “also how much?” He’d asks.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He might NEED lemons, but he was not someone who would over pay for lemons </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“This lemon chicken is bland dad” his kid might say</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“Well I’m not paying $16 for tipped off stalker car lemon, no way” he might reply. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He’d be lying though.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He could never turn down lemons.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Even when convinced it was a ploy to kidnap him.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Which it rarely was though.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">At least 80% of the time it wasn’t.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">According to him.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Anyway…</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">He said if we told you that you’d know we really had him. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We want a million bucks in unmarked cash or he dies.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And please hurry, this prick is convinced we’re just doing this to try and negotiate a higher price for a bag of lemons. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But we’re not.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We promise.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Frankly, if you give us the million then he can fucking have the lemons. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5lmD2Sg2Yjv_gVQIxwV-u9n50i5lhxxmICL-zfiUZI9EPV0ELnC8ICaKjrW-OX38J37fYlpRp_ZSCzlmFSLJVVx5r2LRYHTcAQPOB_iltG3f9-T65OVPoWA6_1hM_d86nlVBZoaqWpUmbfE3n0YcCH_3ekd6OYTjNKxqw7m-SZJBQjxO-mocQL3T5fLQ/s3088/IMG_9064.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5lmD2Sg2Yjv_gVQIxwV-u9n50i5lhxxmICL-zfiUZI9EPV0ELnC8ICaKjrW-OX38J37fYlpRp_ZSCzlmFSLJVVx5r2LRYHTcAQPOB_iltG3f9-T65OVPoWA6_1hM_d86nlVBZoaqWpUmbfE3n0YcCH_3ekd6OYTjNKxqw7m-SZJBQjxO-mocQL3T5fLQ/s320/IMG_9064.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div> Doug (before eating lemons) <br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-36390447188892095972023-06-23T04:22:00.001-07:002023-06-23T19:56:28.968-07:00 Harriet was having a nice day… - A Poem <p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">Harriet was having a nice day.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That’s a nice start isn’t. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Especially for Harriet. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Who as far as we know is a perfectly lovely person. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Although it’s a bit cheeky for us to assume that. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I mean she seems nice. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But all we know about her is her name. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We put too much on names don’t you think?</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But then again, and I don’t know if this is true for everyone’s experiences with Harriets,</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">However 99 of the 100 Harriet’s I’VE personally met have been total utter assholes. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Then again I met most of them at a “100 Harriet’s for genocide” convention. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So the odds were stacked. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’m my defense (and it turns out, also in defense of ONE of the Harriet’s) I thought I was going to a “hair nets for Jen’s campaign to end the off side rule in soccer aka football” convention.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Or the “100 Hair Nets for Jens On Side” convention as the t-shirts called it. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The idea was that if participants wore hair nets Jen, who was the hero of the occasion, would be probably happy, because she’d once found a hair in her pasta and didn’t like it much. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Although in that case it was angel hair pasta, and the chef was a real sweet heart, almost heavenly so. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So his hair, to be fair, fulfilled the brief of the menu description.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So look, everyone has fucked up occasionally. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Although not the one Harriet I met at the genocide convention who also thought she was going to the Jen on side convention. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Because that Harriet WAS a hair net.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A fucking good one too. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">She’d worked in handful of the best restaurants in the world and on literally dozens of heads, and . Not . One . Hair . Had ever been found in the food on HER watch - ever. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Which is almost UNHEARD of in hair net squares. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">(They don’t like to call their “circles” circles, it reminds them too much of heads, and they need just a little break from those occasionally, and fair enough). </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Plus Harriet the Hair Net was one of he hairnets at Jen On Side who was MOST supportive of the end the offside rule campaign!</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Let’s face it many of the hair nets there were there just for the gig, and maybe a day out of the kitchen. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Well not Harriet the hair net, she was ALL for ending the offside rule. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">She’d even waived her fee for the event. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This DESPITE having two siblings and SEVEN cousins working as goal nets at the time, five in soccer aka football, and three in field hockey. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And all of whom were facing WAY more wear and tear if the offside rule was removed.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That was Jens whole point after all. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">More goals. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And more goals means the nets get an absolute battering.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But that’s family man. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And that’s support (and again, in fairness, you don’t even make it to the top as a soccer, football or hockey net if you’re NOT great at support). </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So yeah Harriet, the original Harriet of this story, was having a nice day… </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">She was. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Out on a boat. </span><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The sun shining. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The waves gentle and even a tad rollicking. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">But it was all about to change. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Because THIS Harriet was a fishing net. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And a fisherman on this boat had just hooked onto an entire fucking kitchen nook someone had dumped in the ocean. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">With ALL the fix-uns. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And Harriet was about to be used to net in a Kitchen Aid 4.8L, stand mixer in beautiful cherry red. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This was going to go down in history as one of the most unique nettings of all time. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Harriet’s nice day, was about to go down in net folklore. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hell yeah! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That’s a nice end isn’t it. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Especially for original Harriet.</span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Who as far as we know, is a perfectly nice net. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">That's a nice ending, isn't it?</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The end </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7gyYHgOTCOgfT35WvKOvI9YBOtlCdDR3LDxNpRh84M7CFEWvqDthyBzykN7N91Zw6f9D3MmSauSp38vYBt-r8ddZN-2moVTTU_VssWMPbEHGx-dOrxxqm1YzU6jYxURpb4qDnhhMob67xkZ9MlDA9b4YRQHT2HvGlkM6clCmPhl_eq916LqCbHrDilQE/s2540/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-24%20at%2012.55.11%20PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1858" data-original-width="2540" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7gyYHgOTCOgfT35WvKOvI9YBOtlCdDR3LDxNpRh84M7CFEWvqDthyBzykN7N91Zw6f9D3MmSauSp38vYBt-r8ddZN-2moVTTU_VssWMPbEHGx-dOrxxqm1YzU6jYxURpb4qDnhhMob67xkZ9MlDA9b4YRQHT2HvGlkM6clCmPhl_eq916LqCbHrDilQE/s320/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-24%20at%2012.55.11%20PM.png" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><br /><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-80249974276388058682023-06-20T05:49:00.004-07:002023-06-20T05:54:36.897-07:00Gob - A Poem <p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">“Why don’t you shut your gob”</span></p><p><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Yelled a heckler, at a man on a tram, on a phone call trying to talk to his bank to cancel his recently stolen credit card. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“Maybe I will” he muttered to himself under his breath, once he was put on hold, once again. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“I’ll probably starve to death in about a week” he pondering inaudibly.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“I bet you’d feel real bad then, wouldn’t you” he grumbled quietly, yet triumphantly. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“Well I won THAT one” he said to himself with a smile when he got off the tram. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">It was the highlight of his week.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The end </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Note: An alternative version of this fictional story went like this </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So he did shut his gob. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Permanently. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">About a week later he was delirious with hunger, and slowly fading towards the end. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">“I bet that heckler feels real bad about now” he muttered out loud triumphantly. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Although, if he was really honest with himself, it was probably the credit card thief he was more annoyed with. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Later a neighborhood rat ate the pinky toe off his corpse. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Conclusion: </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Poetry sure can be bleak! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Note 2: In no version of this poem did the man ever not get put on hold by his bank. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Conclusion: </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Poetry sure can be bleak. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Join us again tomorrow, where the topic may or may not be - Is Poetry Bleak sometimes? </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Wait, no that won’t be the topic, we’ve already established that. It IS bleak sometimes! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We’ve concluded that TRIUMPHANTLY! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Oooh, that means the topic is WIDE OPEN - exciting! Woo hoo! </span></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-53160399791703473102023-06-19T05:56:00.007-07:002023-06-19T22:07:52.124-07:00The Promised Gob Promise<p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">Welcome back to the fantastical everyone, the blog where we make the world more fantastical every day by exploring things are that awesome, rad and/ or ace.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Todays topic - as promised - finally - GOBS! </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Gobs? Did you say gobs? What the fuck are gobs? I hear you ask. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">They are your mouth I think. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">As in "shut your gob", and "stick this sock is your gob and tell me you can still whistle a happy nursery rhyme", or "your gob is full of teeth and it’s a big fat gob and your tongue is has got bumps all over it, what are they, I sand my tongue down to a smooth lacquer every morning so I don’t know, also holy hell, why didn’t some one say this can I am drinking from says paint on it, I thought I was drinking a delicious mug of cold sticky blended leaf chunks, not this vile paint, oh I wish I could taste, I guess if I eventually sand my tongue down to nice clothes peg, I’ll be able to peg recipes to it so my tongue can start to read up about what I want from it, I might have to give it some eyes too, anyone have a fish head they don’t want, also your gob looks weird, with it all upturned and beaming joy, I hate your gob" to name several well known sayings about gobs, that mean gob as in mouth. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So yeah, I think we all know what a gob is. Question is though, should they be stopped? </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Well consider these things people have said before: </span></p><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222; list-style-type: "— ";"><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">over there is good </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I like it, I guess </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Small, ok fine small, if that’s what the receipt says then I guess that’s the button I pressed. </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Who’s that’s </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">That’s Kevin </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Oh nice to meet you Kevin</span></li></ul><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">All BRILLIANT things that have been said before, and have enriched lives, especially Kevin's life, he ended up getting a job from that other person, a GOOD one! Hell yeah! </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Now consider these things that have never been said by anyone ever: </span></p><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222; list-style-type: "— ";"><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Scorn is flunged hertherwear for joust! </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Plunked porbs are saliving free! </span></li><li style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I for one like (insert something you don’t think ANYONE could like here)!</span></li></ul><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">All statements that also would have been brilliant, had they been said, especially for Kevin, he’s been desperately seeking saliving free porbs, it would get him out of that shitty job he's been stuck in all these years. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So I think we’ve answered this one. Gobs clearly should NOT be stopped. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Let the gobs run free, freeeeee! </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Ps. I just realized that you can put gob stoppers in your mouth, which are delicious! </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">What do we want </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Gobs stopped </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When do we want it </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Something something topped! </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL-2qS5m21EEcH3wo2XDNpjl_3HhYW_BeJeNnpmlP3scpAfvUwq0ZBM_qQLSgknI8FyaIwqUyl-6ZdGaa4MlQkrnXIinXzVC7Uww5uW7eUdeBjR_fBCKCmbeG-c3ntCoVf5GFtETPlgMxVRJzjpwpjmJn1EE8x8-cxOxok-tIewwH0_WgDRTDDHmGOcQI/s1890/E175AEFD-D7E8-474B-BEEB-E0683086FEAC.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1890" data-original-width="1512" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiL-2qS5m21EEcH3wo2XDNpjl_3HhYW_BeJeNnpmlP3scpAfvUwq0ZBM_qQLSgknI8FyaIwqUyl-6ZdGaa4MlQkrnXIinXzVC7Uww5uW7eUdeBjR_fBCKCmbeG-c3ntCoVf5GFtETPlgMxVRJzjpwpjmJn1EE8x8-cxOxok-tIewwH0_WgDRTDDHmGOcQI/s320/E175AEFD-D7E8-474B-BEEB-E0683086FEAC.JPG" width="256" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">An artists impression of Porb</div><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><br /><br /><p></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-60016602117392346622023-06-18T03:14:00.003-07:002023-06-18T03:47:05.482-07:00Really Real Really Rad <p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;">It’s fantastical time everyone, the blog where yesterday we discussed unicorns, so you KNOW you’re in the right place. How can you be wrong with unicorns? They’re awesome.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-size-adjust: auto;"> </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I mean, of course they are, I mean they’re real, so that’s rad, and real things are almost ALWAYS good, or at least better than non real things, I mean consider these two lists: </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Real things </span></p><ul class="ul1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; list-style-type: "— "; text-size-adjust: auto;"><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Gophers </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Gob Stoppers </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Tom Stoppard </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Toms brand desks and other home office products, like shelves for example, and some times shelving </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Shelve Fish </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Fish sold by size and shape not by breed </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Breeding halitosis </span></li></ul><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Now consider this list </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Not real things </span></p><ul class="ul1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; list-style-type: "— "; text-size-adjust: auto;"><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Halitosis flavored nicotine gum </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Gum textured shoes, for times when you want to wear shoes, and kind of wish you could just stick your gum to your feet and call that shoes</span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A product that comes in stick form, but then when you’re done with it you then … STICK it to a wall, or under a desk, or to your feet in lieu of shoes! (Stick :) </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">A girl named Lieu who is kind of rad and is your friend </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">The city of Aukland </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Gob Continuers </span></li></ul><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">See! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Well I think we’ve answered this one. In summation. </span></p><ul class="ul1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; list-style-type: "— "; text-size-adjust: auto;"><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Real stuff is rad </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">So is your friend Lieu </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Aukland doesn’t exist </span></li></ul><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Join us again tomorrow where our topic may, or may not be, Gobs? Should they be stopped or not? It’s about time we found fucking out! </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge7dN7MlZJn_ahdO3u2J77w5asFJ0cmnvNEboDuYSWRXfOZP4t2GUqwmn8XCozoysZIt8JOeB0hPMlNzAvNpoiC1ttdX8C4lNfdGrPUMHTEQxDTIjE8xxoRWpWIpEUQv7duY0GWsPjijcanmupoaz7udebuHnaFyMNr01vc5F5839_NJqTl6t1grS3/s2048/IMG_0989-EFFECTS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge7dN7MlZJn_ahdO3u2J77w5asFJ0cmnvNEboDuYSWRXfOZP4t2GUqwmn8XCozoysZIt8JOeB0hPMlNzAvNpoiC1ttdX8C4lNfdGrPUMHTEQxDTIjE8xxoRWpWIpEUQv7duY0GWsPjijcanmupoaz7udebuHnaFyMNr01vc5F5839_NJqTl6t1grS3/s320/IMG_0989-EFFECTS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> Not "real" halitosis </span><br /></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-size-adjust: auto;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-37894071329763810212023-06-17T06:47:00.008-07:002023-06-18T03:45:12.907-07:00Short and Smoldering<p> <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Welcome back to the fantastical.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">This is the blog where I just write shit and then sometimes I post it, and sometimes it’s good, and oh wow is it good. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Like one time I wrote something so good that my computer caught on fire and the only way to put it out was with urine from a unicorns dream about a crab that eats spider dreams, but not for nutrients, but for the pure pleasure of not being just another going sideways, but in sideways way that is also going no where (like up against a wall, or perhaps a very steep hill with a bad surface for grip for beasts that can’t find good hiking boots for their pinchers) crab. And get this, that’s was what that blog was ABOUT so the fire was a Pssst and a satisfying shouldering smell in mere seconds! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">And other times I write shit and it’s even better than that! </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">In summation </span></p><ul class="ul1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; list-style-type: "— ";"><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hell yeah! </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Fire out but also fire started! </span></li><li class="li1" style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Hell yeah! </span></li></ul><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;">Ps. For any crabs reading this, Katmanpinch is the ONLY place I recommend for pincher friendly hiking boots. Plus, seriously, fuck you Pantacrabia, you talk <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">a big game, but I tell you what’s supposed to pinch crabs pinchers, NOT their boots! </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWOp9QbvK0ewCIZZol5Y8YbOT06a5qQUeT5TB3TpUUfunpqBmyFBLghw3SMkqFy9x9AZnJYqR32F-8N10wCHNc6doCUazSnghB0iWI2tMXXHKgZa7G16PaUb2ApuAM4GAyS2u974KYZ5HZszz-wQlfHcE4hdL_1IYrThgS4azFK_L0YIHuMUESwnLG/s4032/C2EE969A-0D07-468D-BA84-8D539CCDECEC.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWOp9QbvK0ewCIZZol5Y8YbOT06a5qQUeT5TB3TpUUfunpqBmyFBLghw3SMkqFy9x9AZnJYqR32F-8N10wCHNc6doCUazSnghB0iWI2tMXXHKgZa7G16PaUb2ApuAM4GAyS2u974KYZ5HZszz-wQlfHcE4hdL_1IYrThgS4azFK_L0YIHuMUESwnLG/s320/C2EE969A-0D07-468D-BA84-8D539CCDECEC.jpeg" width="240" /></a></div><br /><span style="text-align: left;">Crab Food </span></div></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;"><br /></span></span></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-25592256300675620272023-05-25T23:39:00.001-07:002023-05-25T23:42:40.217-07:00Arnold’s Woof - A Poem<p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><p class="graf graf--p" name="0f1d">Arnold thought “Bingleberry” was a bad name for a dog.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="2f4e">So, naturally, he called his dog “Rocky” instead.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="31fe">He’s regretted it every day since.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="8305">Well at least everyday since the new neighbors moved in</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="6b28">Along with their much bigger, much more athletic, much more charasitmatiic, woofer named…</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="f8c8">Creed</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="8149">Arnold’s wife hasn’t seen those movies, so he has so far kept his discomfort to himself.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="3246">She’s also forgotten ever suggesting the name Bingleberry.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="7364">So when he sometimes, two pints in, rosy cheeked, and cheeky souled, exclaims maybe Bingleberry isn’t so bad after all?”</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="eded">She thinks “maybe that was a sex thing we did one day?”</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="5ed4">Then she gets confused when he then takes the dog for a walk.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="7963">Please Note: Not one person in this story even considered naming their dog Mr T. Sorry dude.</p><p class="graf graf--p" name="0c1e">Please note 2: Rocky loves playing with socks, aawwwww.</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj_k6N7f8-kW7AM8bIJ2NP12hZ6BPGla10pSGEm4hX2KK7BKIyiUWKu0mUv2ZcNqjPmshTYst7wvSh39OuN0FOz29v2-IazL_xpEr2QVBSSH6L8n6x7JvUXsx9h84JBvXaeViuLG7sKo4yPY1qyBtOBgejFqBne4qz3pZM8xhfqogODdW2UJvnENHju" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="382" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj_k6N7f8-kW7AM8bIJ2NP12hZ6BPGla10pSGEm4hX2KK7BKIyiUWKu0mUv2ZcNqjPmshTYst7wvSh39OuN0FOz29v2-IazL_xpEr2QVBSSH6L8n6x7JvUXsx9h84JBvXaeViuLG7sKo4yPY1qyBtOBgejFqBne4qz3pZM8xhfqogODdW2UJvnENHju=w509-h382" width="509" /></a></div><br /><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>Photo: Mr T </span><br /><p></p></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-27553041696693128752023-05-24T01:44:00.005-07:002023-05-24T01:47:10.232-07:00It's Hippopotumus Day<p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">It’s hippopotamus day here on the Fantastical everyone, so time for yet another run of fun hippopotamus fact funs!</p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Fun fact funs one: </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">If you put a pair of suit pants on a hippopotamus and then take it to the suit shop where you bought the pants, and ask it to pick out a jacket, it will instinctively choose the suit jacket which exactly matches the pants! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Hell yeah! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Please note: This only works if both pant and jacket pockets are overflowing with full sized ripe watermelons. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Please note 2: If you get the inseam of hippos pants even one inch too short it will bite your face off. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Please note 3: Hippos generally don’t like wearing pants. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Please note 4: Even in a nice, finally tailored, matching professional business suit, hippos are <i>rarely</i> good at offering sound financial advice. </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Please note 5: Just be sensible with your Hippopotamuses please people, PLEASE! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Fun Facts Fun Two: </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Some Hippopotamus have teeth! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Who knew? </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;">Hell Yeah! </p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh82WdbSz7xC9y9QsZC94bqRWyaz3y1-rqQr3UPSGwN_dPycMl2bOIHOuqNz5GwSWu08-ANlQ4Vvo17mqu48bkbxseewO-O-0kkP5kqhWHPVrEDsReYo-RmgGQpu1Q_am0BQHwFG1SFIvAvt_m6W2yFh-fu-pm5zMhsZsUZkUPD1Mjj7bginVSz2JEB" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh82WdbSz7xC9y9QsZC94bqRWyaz3y1-rqQr3UPSGwN_dPycMl2bOIHOuqNz5GwSWu08-ANlQ4Vvo17mqu48bkbxseewO-O-0kkP5kqhWHPVrEDsReYo-RmgGQpu1Q_am0BQHwFG1SFIvAvt_m6W2yFh-fu-pm5zMhsZsUZkUPD1Mjj7bginVSz2JEB" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Photo: A Hippopotamus in pants</td></tr></tbody></table></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-81194066663760251472022-06-22T02:13:00.002-07:002022-06-22T02:19:48.349-07:00And Now The Story Of Chairs And An Unsatisfiable Ass<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p></p><article style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: medium-content-sans-serif-font, -apple-system, "system-ui", "Segoe UI", Roboto, Oxygen, Ubuntu, Cantarell, "Open Sans", "Helvetica Neue", sans-serif;"><div class="l" style="box-sizing: inherit;"><div class="l" style="box-sizing: inherit;"><section style="box-sizing: inherit;"><div style="box-sizing: inherit;"><div class="ja ua nj ub uc" style="box-sizing: inherit; overflow-wrap: break-word; word-break: break-word;"><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="c84e" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Rennington Crestonrail had had a storied forty-three year rein as one of the world’s most accomplished and successful master chair makers.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1ac9" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">His chairs had won awards, been featured on the cover of Chair Weekly AND Chair Fortnightly (now weekly), and were so magnificent some even had won prized spots in art galleries around the world (causing many an art fan of all ages to ghasp “why the fuck is there a chair here, I thought this was an art gallery for fuck sake”).</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="f49a" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Yep Crestonrail was at the absolute top of his profession. Then one day a man named Arnold Bonnybott appeared at his door, with tears streaming down his face…</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a2e7" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">“Can I help you sir?” asked Rennington politely and with concern.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="c06e" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">“I sure do hope so” replied Arnold “you see my dear Rennington, I have travelled, uncomfortably I might add, around the world to see you, for I have a problem, I have never once found a chair that could satisfy my rotund and yet somehow also skeletal posterior, can you help, please?”</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1371" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">A smile came over Rennington’s face. Then he snickered out loud. Then he apologized “of course young man” he added with glee, “there is no ass I can’t satisfy”.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="90d8" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">He confidently set to work. First he went into his store room and pulled out examples of some of his finest chairs through the years — The Executive Wingback, The Dancing Klismos, The Rennington Ironback, The Cone Of Desire, The Slingbacked Eames, The Ball Of Sink, The Stone Cold Chaise Lounge, The Deep Throned Bouncer, The Horizontal Leg Based Stool Of Prospect and dozens of others with just as cool sounding names, which I just haven’t mentioned due to time restraints, not because I, your narrator, have run out of names I know, I promise.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a76b" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Sadly none of these chairs went even close to satisfying Arnold’s Ass.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="567e" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Unperturbed, inspired even, Rennington went to work, he studied Arnold’s ass, he took tissue samples from his ass flesh, he made three dimensional models of his ass shape, he watched his ass, he looked at his ass, the stared at his ass, Arnolds ass became his obsession, and at the same time prototype after prototype poured out of Renningtons workshops — The Arnold Asserartor, the Wingback Asshelp, The Soft Bottom Ass Softener, The Arnoldassfix, The Magnificant Bottomasser, The Flinghorned Asscradle, The Asswide AssSoul, The Facefirst Assingnorer, and dozens of others, which also had great names, most of which included the word “ass” in them, and which again I am only not saying due to time restraints, I can name ass chairs till the cows come home, watch this Cowhide Asschair, see I know them ALL.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="028d" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Yet, time and time again, Arnold would sit, he’d slump, he’d lay, he’d shift his weight, he’d wriggle his ass, and yet his ass would remain completely unsatisfied.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="fa0c" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">No longer unperturbed, and instead SUPER perturbed, Rennington turned to history. He turned to the masters of the craft over the centuries of the chair.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="ed6c" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Masters like The Baron Von Chairingon, Lumber Horks iii, Hurst Le Hozidavert, and even the original master Svenson Chairsoot, “all hail his name, his legend speaks for itself” Rennington said out loud as he lit candles around his great shrine in the outskirts of Uppsala Sweden — it had of course been Chairsoots early stools that allowed the Vikings to sit down on voyages and ultimately made them much calmer, ultimately resulting in the more reserved and regal Scandinavians we know today.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="25f4" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">“If he could tame the ass of great hordes of savage Vikings, then surely I can find a way to calm the ass of my own disgruntled Arnold” he said trying to motivate himself, but records of the event later revealed it to be a cry for help. (All activity near the shrine is recorded to try and prevent ravenous fans breaking in and sitting on the great <em class="pr" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Stool Of Forever </em>which is the centerpiece of the shrine and said to hold the souls of thousands of satisfied Viking ass cheeks — some say if you sit on the shrine you can opposite fart Viking souls into your own ass cheeks, others say if you get within a foot of it a guard dog will have removed both you ass cheeks faster than a cloud dissolves in a gluttonous volcano).</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="be83" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Still no answers came Rennington’s way (he did get to see a punk kids ass chewed off by a couple of German Shepard’s though — he had dedicated his life to ass care, but he still found it really funny).</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="433a" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">He was no longer super perturbed, he was more perturbed than King Perturb of the Purturb Family, and this only made Rennington MORE perturbed, when he remembered that the Perturb family throne was renowned around the Purturban region of East Purturbia as the best throne in the WHOLE castle — a contract Rennington himself had lost out on to his great rival Roger Laz-E-Boy.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1e12" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Rennington broke at that moment. He offered Arnold his money back, but Arnold reminded him that he’d never actually paid him anything, and upon consultation with his accountant he was told not only was this true, but his many failed prototypes had left him on the verge of bankrupt.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="3681" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Upon hearing this devastating news, grasping at straws, Rennington asked his accountant “you’re still happy with the Ergonomic Crestonrail Lavish Contentment Chair I gifted you right?” And the accountant had to tell the truth “actually I switched to an Aeron Chair a few years ago, have you tried one, they’re awesome”.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="48cb" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Later that week Rennington was institutionalized. Some say he is just gathering his thoughts before his big come back, he has plans to turn entire floors into chairs, they say, maybe the entire world into chairs! Others say his chair life is finished.</p><figure class="va vb vc vd tc ve ip iq paragraph-image" style="box-sizing: inherit; clear: both; margin: 56px auto 0px;"><div class="vf vg dq vh cf vi" role="button" style="box-sizing: inherit; cursor: zoom-in; position: relative; transition: transform 300ms cubic-bezier(0.2, 0, 0.2, 1) 0s; width: 692px; z-index: auto;" tabindex="0"><div class="ip iq uz" style="box-sizing: inherit; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; max-width: 2739px;"><img alt="" class="cf mr vj" height="727" loading="lazy" role="presentation" src="https://miro.medium.com/max/1400/1*JDUDdh8gwYEGt8e32_Gkrg.jpeg" style="box-sizing: inherit; height: auto; max-width: 100%; vertical-align: middle; width: 692px;" width="700" /></div></div><figcaption class="mv bm su ip iq vk vl bn b bo bp co" data-selectable-paragraph="" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #757575; font-family: sohne, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 10px; max-width: 728px; text-align: center;">Definitely Art</figcaption></figure><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="13c8" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">What is known for sure though are these three facts:</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1ab1" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">1. Arnold’s ass is still unsatisfied</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="8c40" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">2. Rennington has designed some of the best fucking chairs in the history of the world, including, but not limited to — The Cantilever Of Imagination Prospects, The Manchette Excelsior, The Footrest Magnificant, The Meshbacked Goliath, and even the Bean Chair of Baggles.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="485e" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">3. Yep, I told you I could still name cool chair names, consider this narrator INFORMED.</p><p class="pw-post-body-paragraph ud ue uf ka b ug uh gt ui uj uk gx ul um un uo up uq ur us ut uu uv uw ux uy ja il" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="3bd8" style="box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Ps. Why DO they sometimes put chairs in art galleries, they’re just chairs for fooks sake.</p><div><br /></div></div></div></section></div></div></article>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-81810829851265125232022-01-14T19:50:00.003-08:002022-01-14T19:51:38.987-08:00One million reasons to say "rad"<p><b>Welcome to the fantastical everyone</b>, the blog where I only wear space grade face force fields at home during lightening storms AND where I am on the march to one MILLION total reads. </p><p><br /></p><p>That's one <i>MILLION</i> reads. </p><p>(Insert Austin Powers gif here)</p><p><br /></p><p>As of writing the total is - 999866. </p><p><br /></p><p>Which is <i>REALLY</i> close to a million. </p><p><br /></p><p>And here is the thing, I'd <i>like</i> to hit the million - why? Because it would be rad. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>In fact it would be rad for a TWO reasons</b>: </p><p>1. If people asked me "has anything <i>rad</i> happen to you lately?" I could answer - "yes". </p><p>2. I could finally laugh in the face of 999 Joe - the local bully who loves to bum cigarettes from people, claims to have heard lots of CDs, and is always waving people down in their cars and then telling them to "watch out for the notorious car wavererer guy" - and when he is challenged about his antics he always replies -</p><p>"Well I've got 999 bro, that's why they call me 999 Joe" </p><p>And when people ask - "is that like you're nine hundred and ninety nine at something or something?"</p><p>He always get's mad and says - "No, not nine hundred and ninety nine, nine hundred thousand and ninety nine nine nine nine - as in that's how many reads my blog has had pal" </p><p>And when the response is - "shouldn't your name then be '999999 Joe' then"?</p><p>He gets all antsy and screams - "NO, WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT- IT'S 999 JOE - THAT'S A COOL NAME, IT ROLLS OFF THE TONGUE, AND SOUNDS COOL"</p><p>And when the people then come back with - "Oh sure, if you say so, mr nine hundred and ninety nine blog reads only Joe" </p><p>He then gets FURIOUS and yells - "If I ever see you driving around here I am going to wave you down so hard" </p><p>And then when the people reply - "Oh what, and then tell us to watch out for the <i>scwary mr car waving boy</i>"</p><p>He then gets angrier still and yells - "It's WAVERERER GUY ASSHOLE"! </p><p><br /></p><p>And you see here's the thing - the REAL asshole, in <i>my</i> opinion, IS - 999 joe. In fact, he might even be a dick. </p><p><br /></p><p>So if we can hit the million here - oh boy - are things going to be different next time I clash with 999 Joe. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>Here's how I think it will go down: </b></p><p>"Hello there, my name is 999 Joe" </p><p>"Nice to see you 999 Joe, my name is 100 Dave plus FOUR more 0's at the end - and those 0's are zeros, not o's, as in "owe", I mean those ones aren't "owe" either, they are just o, like you don't owe me anything, so just to clarify 999 Joe, my name is 100 Dave 0000 - that's a one, and then six zeros total, three digits before my name like you, and then four after for a total of seven numbers total - I've split them up, with the Dave in the middle just for some extra intrigue, and some suspense, and a little pizzaz, but overall the digits when stuck back together make up the number 1000000, which is one MILLION! (Insert Austin Powers Gif here), which means REGARDLESS of whether 999 Joe stands for nine hundred and nintey nine, or nine hundred and ninty nine thousand and nine nine nine blog reads, I HAVE YOU BEAT JOE! SUCK ON THAT!" </p><p>Yep, that's going to be AWESOME. Apart from anything, think of all the time I will save not having to debate his meaning of 999. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>And then think of the things I could do with that time, things such as: </b></p><p>- Buy a time share </p><p>- Share a pizza with a pizza loving friend</p><p>- Friend up a spoon wielding welder </p><p>- Find out WHY he or she wields a spoon</p><p>- Ask if he or she is ever worried that they'll ever accidentally weld the spoon <i>to</i> something </p><p>- If the answer is "Yes" follow that question up with a follow up question</p><p>- A question like "like what?" </p><p><br /></p><p>That's right folks, the million is close, and that means life is about to get interesting, possibly even VERY interesting my friends. </p><p><br /></p><p><b>I mean just think of the things the spoon may end up being welded to:</b></p><p>- A metal chair </p><p>- The metal part of a partly metal chair </p><p>- The chairy part of a partly metal car</p><p>- A partly metal car door SMACKING into 999 joe! </p><p><br /></p><p>Yep, life is about to get swell. </p><p><br /></p><p>PS. If you shorten Million to "Mill" you can make Mill'd stuff! Perhaps like mill'd space grade face force fields?? Woo hoo. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi72OiT2OWe3BbkHI40lO8jx72SDCQohH0NcQraFkjSUF2zwnKGZQyaComTKXuJPE9P4BjxViUxZPMACjxXhyPDuifkVCHfZKKQZbXTAGb7ekrfXSu8BAbJxVp7PJaseX_CC5CO-KCZLpE51akFO4MsCetLjQYwwkUr-1kfFtUNSm_-idhWa-sjY0H3=s3780" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3780" data-original-width="3024" height="418" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi72OiT2OWe3BbkHI40lO8jx72SDCQohH0NcQraFkjSUF2zwnKGZQyaComTKXuJPE9P4BjxViUxZPMACjxXhyPDuifkVCHfZKKQZbXTAGb7ekrfXSu8BAbJxVp7PJaseX_CC5CO-KCZLpE51akFO4MsCetLjQYwwkUr-1kfFtUNSm_-idhWa-sjY0H3=w334-h418" width="334" /></a></div><br /><p><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>999 Joe's current "haunt" </p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-33093955606697723042022-01-10T00:48:00.005-08:002022-01-10T00:48:57.169-08:00At Last: The Pinnacle Of The Best Of The Best Ofs – 5 through 1<p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Pinnacles are hard to reach.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This is probably because they always put them up high - <i>pricks</i> – it’s not enough that tall people get the NBA, good views at concerts and the freshest air in the whole dang city, but they also get to be closer to pinnacles!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Plus pinnacles are often pointy - like a spear! What, are we gambling on which side of the neck the pointy bit will come out of when we swallow it? Cause I already lost my shirt on a round of that last Sunday.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Also, for some reason, they often put pinnacles in cold spots like the top of ridiculously tall mountains - um dude, I don’t even have a shirt anymore - I can’t ascend to there, I’ll get chilly!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">If it sounds bleak - it’s because of this – it sometimes IS bleak.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Luckily, however, sometimes instead of it “IS” being bleak, it’s instead “NOT” bleak. Because luckily, some pinnacles aren’t earned with sweat, nor with tears, nor with badass icepick axes and three frostbitten black toes - but rather with SKILL.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“What skill?” I hear you ask. And I’ll answer it this way – the BEST skill.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">That’s right, I am talking the skill of - the ability to put together a fucking swell quality Best Of The Year list at the end of a particular year, or sometimes early on during the subsequent year.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And this is most certainly the case with <i>every</i> member of our top 5 of the best of the best of lists for the end of the year of 2021, or early on in the subsequent year, in list form.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">That’s right, here at <i>Ok, Intriguing: Dang Yeah! The Fleeting Forever Expansion Fantastical</i>, and only RIGHT here, each year we go through every single Best of List, listed by every media outlet out there, be they a newspaper, TV show, radio show DJ, nightclub DJ, Day Club DJ, Day Club DJ Booker, Handle Bar Mustache Club, Book Club DJ Sponsor, Social Media Devotee, Magazine, Mustache Sponsor Club, Hornets Nest where the hornets have developed the ability to both write, and make lists, and even Newsletters. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And once we have combed through each and every one of these lists, we can bring to you – the Best Of The Best of Lists, list. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Are the lists on this list brilliant?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Are you kidding, we saw lists this year that were brilliant that didn’t even make our top 500, let alone reach the pinnacle.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Do the ones that <i>DID</i> make the list have pinnacles?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Hell no, we don’t even acknowledge the existence of pinnacles, unless you’re talking metaphorical ones, in which case these lists on the list have pinnacles in SPADES!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Now that’s my kind of pinnacles.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Without further adieu – here they are – your TOP five of 2021’s best of the Best Of Lists in list form.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhErIHqlE8tNRHcw5yQMP5t8Ih1A2avkun65HHBiH2XjEycpuKEnDB2X-dN9B6E8YKAZ4NhWjb1rEz3fouFbDQxLU9R1ydRrkyQ2ER003YmPygNiXEK3ZZE1fdDozv03mVw9B1CG8y9F8SzL9uVL8TUMLIt7CXOWu2QPgUEhTa0KVZONrCG1JIM3VOk=s283" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><img border="0" data-original-height="178" data-original-width="283" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhErIHqlE8tNRHcw5yQMP5t8Ih1A2avkun65HHBiH2XjEycpuKEnDB2X-dN9B6E8YKAZ4NhWjb1rEz3fouFbDQxLU9R1ydRrkyQ2ER003YmPygNiXEK3ZZE1fdDozv03mVw9B1CG8y9F8SzL9uVL8TUMLIt7CXOWu2QPgUEhTa0KVZONrCG1JIM3VOk=w370-h233" width="370" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Number Five</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This Year’s Best Non Yacht Boats</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">By</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><b>Boats That Aren’t Yachts</b> (<i>take that yachts, and all your yacht magazines. Now WE are pretending YOU don’t even exist - how does it feel? Not so comphy in your Danish designed, Norwegian wooded, captain’s quarters with satellite tv, cold beer in the fridge, and Finnish sex partner, now is it? Ha ha. Sucked in</i>) <b>Magazine</b> - or as it’s Colloquially known - <i>Sucked In Mag</i> - a title that was well loved and enjoyed with great humor for many decades, until several of the writers had their own non yacht boats sucked into a whirlpool and eaten by the Great North Sea’s resident Krolån Spog Un Fragulaåskan (translation - Sea Monster, although a more literal translation would be “Under Dark Water Tooth Angry Fear Machine Wart Face”).</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">They truly had some great non-yacht boats this year – my favorite (although it only finished 3<sup>rd</sup>) a bathtub someone hilariously tried to row to Klurghaåan Island (ha ha, yeah right, with the rocks on THAT shoreline – am I right?).</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Number Four </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">The Similes We Smiled At This Year</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">By</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><b>The Simile Smiles Academic</b> <b>Journal</b> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Dude, we saw this list get mocked relentlessly on social media. “Stick to more traditional academics”, people said, “I misread this, I thought it said <i>smiles</i> smiles, still YOUR stupid”, was hurled, “Journals are for writing out your thoughts and feelings about the day jackass”, was a common insult.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Well we contacted every one of these naysayers, and we didn’t insult them back, we didn’t argue, we didn’t even disagree – we merely asked “but did the Similes on their list make you smile” and one hundred percent of them said “yes” or “fuck off”. Now THAT’s a badass, polarizing, thought provoking, conversation starting list. As ALL academic journals should be. Well Done!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Number Three</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And speaking of insults, it’s….</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Top Insults Of The Year About Our No Longer Accurate Title</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> By</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><b>The Happy Hour Radio Show On XTCY Cincinnati, 92.2, In The Mornings - Now THREE Hours</b><b></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Some highlights –</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“Seriously, three hours? But the show has ‘hour’ singular in the title!”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“You lying sons of bitches, what’s next, you’re not even on the radio anymore?”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“I’ve just been told that your show is also available in podcast form, that’s NOT the radio – when will the lying END!”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“Speaking of bitches, I have a dog, but you sir take the cake, my dog can’t have any because the cake has chocolate”. And</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“I missed my wife’s grooming session and my dogs pedicure cause they said come in an hour, so I listened to the happy hour, and my wife comes home, apparently three hours had gone by, felt like one.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">BURRRRRN.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Number Two</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Tik Tok has really taken off in the last year, so it’s no surprise we have a Tik Toker for the first time ever this year. But how do you pick just one Tik Toker, and just one best of list from them?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Well it’s easy when you discover…</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">My Top Regrets From 2021</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">By</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Joanna The Spanner</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">If you don’t know the account, get ready to laugh; Johanna is a spanner wielding licensed plumber – and for Tik Tok content she sneaks into men’s public bathrooms, rigs the toilets to explode, and then when the poor men who accidentally flush her rigged toilets walk out wet – she films them and puts it on Tik Tok. Hi(fucking)larious.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Well Joanna is not just hi(fucking)larious, she also has a heart - whether it is her regular activism for plumbers to not be called “toilet jackers” anymore, to the many times she’s rescued a still alive flushed pet fish by jacking the toilet so hard she brings them right back, or on her now award winning list My Regrets Of 2021, when she admitted that occasionally when a guy comes out of the bathroom just completely covered in turds, that sometimes she feels almost bad enough not to post the video!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Fuck man – there was not one dry eye in the whole fucking house when I saw that video - and not from toilet water lol! Hi(fucking)larious.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">(Ps. That last joke was my joke not hers, just in case there are any casting agents reading this thinking about hiring her based on that joke / I’m sure she wouldn’t want to take credit it for it, so I’m just sparing her the embarrassment of having to credit me, not that crediting me is inherently embarrassing- some find it rather fetching in fact - one lady once told me that crediting me was the honor of her whole hour - which I personally found enchanting until I discovered just how haphazard she was with what she considered an “hour” fucker).</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Number One</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And Speaking Of Toilets… it’s time for YOUR number One! That’s right, with a remarkable THIRD win in just twenty-two years in the game, it’s…</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Bathroom graffiti artist and frequent pee boy- <b>Fredirocko Bagone</b> - and his whimsical, meta and downright poetic work at the Christchurch Westfield mall’s, level 2 East Wing Mens Toilet - Cubicle 6</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And His</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Top 4 Pairs Of Pants Left In This Cubicle In 2021</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Number one on HIS list - bike shorts!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Oh my god, you’ve not just done the best best of list of the year, but you’ve also REDEFINED what this journalist thinks the boundary between pants and underwear is.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This wasn’t just a list - this was a movement - this was a manifesto - THIS was a REVOLUTION! This was this years PINNACLE best of list!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Plus, get this, Fredirocko is only 5 foot 4 – pinnacles are officially finally for everyone!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Cue your favorite celebration song in your head right now!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">In summation</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Thanks for joining us for another exciting list of the best of the best of lists.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">A reminder that this was just OUR choices, and there are brilliant lists all over our short listed top 500. Brilliance was just not good enough to guarantee a top ten this year.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">If there was a list you think we missed add it in the comments.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Want us to list the entire top 500? Just ask me in the comments; I might just be stupid enough to try. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">The hunt for The Krolån Spog Un Fragulaåskan Sea Monster is ongoing. Get on it people, there is a 2000kr prize! </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; color: #222222; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">But we recommend NOT hunting for it in a <i>BATH</i> row boat!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Hi(fucking)larious!</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">(Again, just for the casting agents, that was my joke, NOT the Sea Monsters!)</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjGhPquN3sJBDH6XQWCqC6MfTq-9zDyRv6AofhnKCokHF8bYBgUljYZeDmNXdnqoTCfrdCfhxlc4xIik_878POxEF5rzzoosmpLkNsx-Bn-7FRtCbln29Pq1lo5TPvhn46efI9vDhvwbloCxz6t3kCG78cMhrcplXFWwlJRAR2h-58HPrZ5iJaaNNnE=s4032" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="397" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjGhPquN3sJBDH6XQWCqC6MfTq-9zDyRv6AofhnKCokHF8bYBgUljYZeDmNXdnqoTCfrdCfhxlc4xIik_878POxEF5rzzoosmpLkNsx-Bn-7FRtCbln29Pq1lo5TPvhn46efI9vDhvwbloCxz6t3kCG78cMhrcplXFWwlJRAR2h-58HPrZ5iJaaNNnE=w298-h397" width="298" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span> <span> </span><span> </span></span>Klurghaåan Island</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-79790751156457683912022-01-06T04:06:00.007-08:002022-01-06T04:09:24.860-08:00The Best Of The Best Of Lists - Number 6<div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><h1><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></span></span></h1></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Dusk. DUSK. <i>Dusk</i>. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Dusk has a way of messing with your mind. The darkening sky, the cooling air, the night owls coming out of their nests, the day owls heading back inside and wondering if they really are owls at all.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Dusk makes a person ask questions of themselves, questions like:</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Is this really what I’m doing with my life? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Shouldn’t I be at home? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Maybe I’ll stay for one more whisky? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What time even is it? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Oh that’s right, it’s dusk? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Oh, that actually pretty early to be at a bar, maybe I’ll have two more whiskies? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And maybe some curly fries? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Does this place even sell curly fries? - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">No they don’t. Dang. I love curly fries?</span></li></ul><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But dusk isn’t all self-reflection and ambiguous life choices. Good things happen at dusk too, things like</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Nocturnal rodents coming out to play - and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Day amphibians that are fucked up on drugs coming out thinking it’s dawn, and when they realize it’s not, deciding to just get fucked up again instead of returning to bed- and</span></li><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Probably some fun fish shit too</span></li></ul><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But whether good, bad, dark, light, or some sort of glowing weird maroon color - one thing is always the same - dusk is a good time to hit play on a movie if you want it to be done in time to still grab dinner before the clubs open.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And that’s exactly why Becky Lackers decided to finally hit play on the film <i>Dusk To Dawn</i>, which she’d been meaning to get around to finally watching for basically like forever.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And we are <i>ecstatic</i> that she did, because that simple action, that seemingly minor choice, led to MASSIVE rewards, for Becky AND the world.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That's right - <i>THAT</i> was choice that led to Becky’s OUTLANDISHLY brilliant best of list.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">A list that ROCKETED straight to our <b>Number 6</b> - best of the best of 2021 lists, list.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Her list - I know it, you know it, we all know it - it is of course…</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgvrpN_T6IOziAWual_ebtJFzRDFruXod6oFAopQFTZkPura2lJ7cFtJvhYLnMhNTU1OQGQW0a1qwp_IiemQOgdWWzTjGbw3jo0tfwC1E1QVcYfx5sfsMhgzedn8AZQjwh0SqJ9mdQzVNHc6rP-pp5L24qVPFNG-ZOvAjYqzXMfV7Y2XxZ3HbfEW0SI=s318" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="159" data-original-width="318" height="159" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgvrpN_T6IOziAWual_ebtJFzRDFruXod6oFAopQFTZkPura2lJ7cFtJvhYLnMhNTU1OQGQW0a1qwp_IiemQOgdWWzTjGbw3jo0tfwC1E1QVcYfx5sfsMhgzedn8AZQjwh0SqJ9mdQzVNHc6rP-pp5L24qVPFNG-ZOvAjYqzXMfV7Y2XxZ3HbfEW0SI" width="318" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>My top three things I noticed about the film <i>Dusk To Dawn</i> which I finally saw in 2021</b></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Dang, YEAH!!!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And let me be the first to say it - what a fucking OUTLANDISHLY brilliant list. Concise yet detailed, profound yet gorgeously simple, forlorn yet full of more joyful wonder than your average ballet class graduation bring your own cupcake festival!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Now, we rarely do this, but seeing as Becky's list, at this point only exists verbally (I overheard her saying it to her friend Josephine on the night bus), and seeing as at the time Becky was pretty wasted (like a god damn amphibian that apparently doesn’t own a clock), and seeing as wasted people sometimes don’t remember what they say, well I’m going to just (gulp) steal it (sorry Becky, if you see this please contact me and I’ll share the profits with you - and really do, the profits will be CONSIDERABLE).</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So here they are - Becky Lackers - Top three things I noticed about the film Dusk To Dawn which I finally saw in 2021</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span>1. Did you know Quitnen Tarin</span><i>whatshisname </i><span>was once an actor too? Oh you did. Well me too now.</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">2. Where do I know that girl who plays the daughter from… oh wait wait I know - she was in that other movie, um um, you know, yes she was</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">3. The ending TOTALY ripped off Twilight</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">OUTSTANDING Becky - poignant yet indifferent, passionate yet reflective, and full of just enough sadness to make a person forget something else sad, like just off the top of my head, say you went to an end of class ballet cupcake festival and no one told you that you had to <i>bring</i> a cupcake, cause you thought, hey it's a festival, I'll get a cupcake there, so everyone else is enjoying a cupcake and you don't have one, and did one fucking asshole even offer you a taste of theirs, not they didn't, not EVEN A <i>TASSTEE</i>! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Well done Becky, we</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> think your list is one of the greatest achievements in the film observation arts since Hilal Jones observed that “the Star Wars universe should have more Jedi” - yes Hilal -yes!</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Becky, you have our respect, our joy and our number 6!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">In summation:</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Day Owls would be a good name for a yoga studio - because it’s got <i>day</i> - which is a good time to do yoga - and <i>owls</i> which can turn their heads AROUND (just like yoga people).</span></li></ul><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Did y’all ever see that movie where that one girl character is possessed by the devil and so she turns her head all the way around? Why did the other characters all see that and yell “she’s possessed” rather than “she’s turning into an owl”? </span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I mean I know it turned out she WAS possessed - but they didn’t know that at the time, and I just think if the characters were acting honestly in the moment - "she’s turning into an owl" - was a more realistic response - also her puke should have come from her mouth - not the side of her head - other than those two things that movie was wildly accurate.</span></li></ul><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I want to see Quentin act more - seriously, I really enjoy his acting. </span></li></ul><ul style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><li style="margin-left: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Tomorrow we hit the top 5 - is that exciting? Yes. Is that a clue to what number 5 is? No. But was THAT a clue? You bet your dang ass it was!</span></li></ul><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Ps. Yeah, how come I never see curly fries anymore, bring them back, they were GOOOOOD! </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">If there is something you'd like to see more of on menus let us know in the comments. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhf9ytkpaRTAsuh9ZfTEvJd08gGM_GQqnOdOCTDJO_1VCxKYHdhmpBNakDsruEFOApGAQHFh5RZMN9v67mmFt0eMavSgCLVtssgEIaoUbs1oUjpIQGPYhwMfIrTlg2vFfXMvOJdMN0HHYMpT3TP_dQ8lbWeG5GrSTHG2dqXUmPa5_c9tZTfiESysaln=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="623" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhf9ytkpaRTAsuh9ZfTEvJd08gGM_GQqnOdOCTDJO_1VCxKYHdhmpBNakDsruEFOApGAQHFh5RZMN9v67mmFt0eMavSgCLVtssgEIaoUbs1oUjpIQGPYhwMfIrTlg2vFfXMvOJdMN0HHYMpT3TP_dQ8lbWeG5GrSTHG2dqXUmPa5_c9tZTfiESysaln=w467-h623" width="467" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> <span> </span><span> </span><span> <span> </span></span></span>Becky </span><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></div><div><br /></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-373027851756459082022-01-05T02:51:00.005-08:002022-01-05T02:54:09.985-08:00The Best Of The Best Of Lists - Number 7 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiWjLv4BeNm6CJgtxBsyBtHKs-CYBfKKiJAE_hmdzneRHkKFQID0UxgAm4Z05Pn7wgfF_fl2gGe0X91H9poAEC4Af8OztFOaTAJIS18O2YxdEawbJ8iFFarY0lyy29l36lB259HSrhringubzVzYEOKKxqzF96wmUH8IfYzkZ-jBgusDRAmEXJkm0pQ=s225" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiWjLv4BeNm6CJgtxBsyBtHKs-CYBfKKiJAE_hmdzneRHkKFQID0UxgAm4Z05Pn7wgfF_fl2gGe0X91H9poAEC4Af8OztFOaTAJIS18O2YxdEawbJ8iFFarY0lyy29l36lB259HSrhringubzVzYEOKKxqzF96wmUH8IfYzkZ-jBgusDRAmEXJkm0pQ" width="225" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The Hamburg zoo is nothing particularly special. </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">It's a nice zoo, the grounds are lovely, and there are some cool beasts from the animal world, but as far as zoos go it's just - fine. </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">There are no Panda bears. The last time the news covered the birth of adorable snow leopard kittens was in the 80s. And Mike who works the front gate has gotten old and surly, in fact I’ve heard that he wont let 16 year olds in for the under 15 price, EVEN if they look only like 14 still.</span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Yet in this zoo something remarkable is taking place. For there is a very special monkey in this zoo. I mean all monkeys are special, they are magnificent specimens, but one monkey here, named Shumpo, is especially special, you see, one day Shumpo woke up and thought…</span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">“Wait, if monkeys evolved into humans before, why can’t we do it again? You know what, I am going to try, I am going to try to evolve into a human”</span></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Now, sadly, Shumpo’s comprehension of the biological sciences is rudimentary at best. She has no understanding of the process of evolution, so even though she understands the fundamentals, she has yet to grasp that it takes place over many generations, and thousands of years. So she probably wont ever reach her goal.</span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">Yet, and here is where it gets inspirational – she's giving it a red hot go.</span></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">She starts every day with a vigorous session of calisthenics, followed by a considerable stretching session designed specifically to allow for a more human like muscle structure and posture, and she follows that with an hour of tongue and jaw bone pokes and snatches to improve diction. </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Then she reads for a while, takes a nap (she's still a monkey) and then spends her afternoons, quote, "thinking like a human". </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Also, and yes it may lead to quite a few cuts, and some considerable razor burn, but she has managed to shave off most of the hair from the front of her body (she doesn’t have a mirror, so she doesn’t know she still has a hairy ass). And she has not just downloaded luminosity (the brain app) for her phone, but she’s completed almost ALL of the free trial exercises. And luminosity doesn't even have a Monkey setting. It is genuinely remarkable. </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">This year, Shumpo decided to step it up even <i>further</i>. And she, astonishingly, created her very OWN top ten list of the year list. </span></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Shumpo's list – Top Ten Fruits Of 2021.</span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Now sure, when compared directly to some lists that <i>didn’t</i> make the cut this year on OUR best of the best of lists list (like say Rolling Stones Top Albums List) the monkeys may seem, let’s just say it – worse. </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">Rolling Stone has words for example, where as the Monkeys are mostly turd smears. But its not an apple to apple comparison (for the record Shumpo had THREE different types of apple on her list, none of which were Macintosh! Wow) But in turns of achievement, and inspiration, and </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">punching above it’s weight, the monkey list KICKS ROLLING STONES ASS. </span></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></div><div><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">So for that reason – Shumpo The Monkeys – </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;">Top Ten Fruits Of 2021</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial;"> – Wins our – top ten best of the year list’s list’s – <b>Number 7!</b></span></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;">Congratulations Shumpo! And we will eagerly watch your lists in the future and see where you end up. And just for the record, Rolling Stones early Best Of Album Lists were a bit of a turd smear too! (Grandfunk Railroad only number 6? Fuck you Rolling Stone). </span></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Ps. It turns out Mike at the front gate had cataracts and for a while there couldn’t accurately judge if kids looked young for their age (and therefore sort of deserved to pay the kids price).</span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The zoo has promised to pay for his treatment. And we wish all the best for late blooming teens in Hamburg in their upcoming zoo trips.</span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Also we just heard the lady snow leopard at Hamburg Zoo is PREGNANT!!! Yay. Send us your kitten name ideas in the comments! </span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjs5rCXDCnBK9oYwNkfoT_Y516i1IGU__LrpNEilgapz37mKQu3rRMUC_lQ5mFh09lmcdRaWsW32DDMJBGAtjAHUzN_SXdxG7TV6lG3KJxcEyZM6OAKQwEPAEn2IaOLwUIha8HDCjIns26X5IxQ8Eid-3uBR9ZJOAvs35HRemz5cgqKPrY0cgdGRvUA=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="461" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjs5rCXDCnBK9oYwNkfoT_Y516i1IGU__LrpNEilgapz37mKQu3rRMUC_lQ5mFh09lmcdRaWsW32DDMJBGAtjAHUzN_SXdxG7TV6lG3KJxcEyZM6OAKQwEPAEn2IaOLwUIha8HDCjIns26X5IxQ8Eid-3uBR9ZJOAvs35HRemz5cgqKPrY0cgdGRvUA=w346-h461" width="346" /></a></div><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>Shumpo </div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-18540045405006384222022-01-04T01:15:00.010-08:002022-01-06T04:21:29.833-08:00Stick Your Neck Out On - Number 8 <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Consider this...</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">It’s cold outside. Rain is falling, a full moon is shining, and wind is blowing. But you’re fine with rain, you’re sweet with the moon, and you’re a-ok with wind, but you don’t like cold. Not one little bit. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">“Shiver” you think with your body when you think about it.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">So you're not going outside tonight. No way. It's a night inside for you. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">But then a series of events happens - first rain fucks up the TV arial, and then the moon shines on your wifi machine so dang hard that it breaks, and THEN the wind blows all your books out the window!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Suddenly you're inside - with NOTHING to DO!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">NOOOOOOOO. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Well fear not - at least fear not if you can satisfy these two criteria:</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">1. You have a neck </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">2. You have checked out our <b>number 8</b> list choice for this years best of the best of list of the year, list. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">That's right we are turning to - neckpod.gov.uk.org - and their truly wonderful end of year list....</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">2021’s Top 8 Things That Are Fun To Do With Your Neck Other Than, You know, Use It To Turn And Look At Stuff!</span></b></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">I mean we all knew that 2021 was a beak through year in neck usage fun - but we had <i>no idea</i> HOW great a year it was till we read this list!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">This list was so great that we’re going to put our OWN necks on the line, and reproduce the list right here. So here they are...</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgE8QgQkFSSDaBLiMrIvdkD3OmvgqIp607NvDbXM_DZ29SKkNdCHFCoR6pA6z8hCWfO8G0LX136nJ4EtdvPThpb_VtXZbMOu_vJw57d14WJIk2yZFIsLrbhlLsCXEZw2Myo0rDkoeVESUWsDs2H2dTSEWlQnRvRQzKCylAI-ZK3L3JkUxe1lv2G83BA=s275" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgE8QgQkFSSDaBLiMrIvdkD3OmvgqIp607NvDbXM_DZ29SKkNdCHFCoR6pA6z8hCWfO8G0LX136nJ4EtdvPThpb_VtXZbMOu_vJw57d14WJIk2yZFIsLrbhlLsCXEZw2Myo0rDkoeVESUWsDs2H2dTSEWlQnRvRQzKCylAI-ZK3L3JkUxe1lv2G83BA" width="275" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">2021’s Top 8 Things That Are Fun To Do With Your Neck Other Than, You know, Use It To Turn And Look At Stuff!</span></b></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">8. Try and see if you can lick your own neck. (You tried didn’t you - ha ha - hardly anyone can lick their own neck idiot). </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">7. Play a rousing game of You've Been Neck Slapped - heres how you play...</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- First, go up to someone and then slap your own neck </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- now yell "YOU'VE BEEN NECK SLAPPED" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- and when they respond "no I haven't" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- you should then go "Oh, explain"</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"> - at this point they will say "it was <i>you</i> who slapped <i>your</i> neck, that means YOU'VE been neck slapped" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- and then you can go "So what would it require for YOU to be neck slapped?" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- and when they say "it would require ME to be neck slapped" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- Then you can go "I don't get it" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- And then they, in a fit of anger and frustration, will start slapping their own neck while yelling "this, <i>this</i>, this is <i>ME</i> being neck slapped, okay, do you get it now?" </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- Now you can yell - "YOU'VE BEEN NECK SLAPPED WOO HOOOO!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">- Now you can tweet online "I've just played a rousing game of - You've Been Neck Slapped" woo hooooo! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">6. Eat some sharp pointy spears. Now start a gambling racket betting on which side of your neck the sharp pointy bit will first stick out of - (Hint if you can get the sharp pointy bit AND the feathery bit on the end, to BOTH come out the same bit of your neck - then you are going to win some big money my friend). </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">5. Scratch it (this one is most fun if it's itchy. If your not itchy we can recommend a variety or plants and/ or a swarm of Ecuadorian Sweat Mosquitos to drum up some itch. If you can't sweat we recommend buying some black market sweat to encourage the Mosquitos). </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">4. Wonder how life would be different if instead of a neck people had a Simon and Garfunkel album between their mouth and torso. Now wonder how Simon And Garfunkel would be different if instead of albums they sold necks! Now pitch the second one as a bio-pic in the vein of Rocket Man and Bohemian Rhapsody - I BAGS PLAYING GARFUNKEL! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">3. Draw scenes from the Old West on your neck - now look in the mirror and spin - YOU'VE JUST MADE THE OLD HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STUDIO SYSTEM <i>DEFUNCT</i> - woo hoo - finally!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">2. Neck - more like NECK - yeah that's right - more like itself - you've just invented SEQUELS! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">And the number one thing of 2021 that is fun to do with your neck, other than use it to turn and look at stuff, was....</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">1. Mongolian throat singing - nope - Mongolian NECK singing! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Once again Congratulations to neckpod.gov.uk.org for their wonderful list and also for making it to </span><b>number 8</b><span> on Fleeting Forever's best of the best of lists of the 2021. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Join us again tomorrow for number 7 - will 7 be heaven? Nope, heaven once again failed to make a single Best Of list this year, what a fucking pile of steaming shit - is there good stuff up there or not? And if so, put it in list form dang it - its the easiest way to rank shit! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Still, what WILL be seven, will be pretty dang great, maybe even just maybe, a little slice of heaven. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Ps. Don't worry, we didn't really put our neck on the line, we have permission from, neckpod.gov.uk.org, their computer servers have been OUT OF CONTROL with the success of this list. And as a result their website keeps crashing, so they are more than happy to have another copy of their wonderful list here on <i>this</i> blog - the ONLY blog that has gone through each and every one of the 2021's Best of Lists, and then is offering to you, the reader, a list of the best of the best of lists of the year, a list.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;">Pps. If it turned out that you COULD lick your own neck, please get in touch with </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;">neckpod.gov.uk.org - they have an offer you are going to want to hear. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;">Ppps - I want to start a band called Neck Slapped - no no a DANCE called the neck slap - wait, written and performed by the band - Neck Slapped! YES. Please call me if you can play slap bass guitar with your neck. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span>Pppps - Simon and Gar</span><i>de</i><span>funkel more like it! Am I right? </span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh--sZDI5jsHvF3CUS6EaXNv1RHNSX6KcG66rGqB3W2NU_0KMIisWNGEccCEDQrnAjWxWKyGD69R5VBAjiJprCUq0pih-VLpbSb7USF4G9gEwEzUwJSzk49dNMFnFqEeVEn8qQcqqf0t7rfor2IOHsdnbc2Edx4uQfG8n9PWiAPd7n_qkPfUjG6pVp3=s13872" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3806" data-original-width="13872" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEh--sZDI5jsHvF3CUS6EaXNv1RHNSX6KcG66rGqB3W2NU_0KMIisWNGEccCEDQrnAjWxWKyGD69R5VBAjiJprCUq0pih-VLpbSb7USF4G9gEwEzUwJSzk49dNMFnFqEeVEn8qQcqqf0t7rfor2IOHsdnbc2Edx4uQfG8n9PWiAPd7n_qkPfUjG6pVp3=w618-h170" width="618" /></a></div></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> <span> </span><span> </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: large;">A Neck </span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-77570013147026893402022-01-03T03:35:00.007-08:002022-01-06T04:19:29.107-08:00The years best "best of the year list" lists - Number NINE <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><h1><br /></h1></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><br /></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Every year, at the end of the year, or the beginning of the next year - one thing is clear - every media outlet in the world does the same thing - produce one or more list of things they consider to be the best example of a thing that fits within some sort of easily defined category of that previous year. Lists like: </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Best songs of the year.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Favorite meals of the year.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Top ten people named Oliphan of the year.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Reasons why last year was the best year for King Lear. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Best ways to mime a hornet attack.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And more. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">You’ve read or heard them all before. Over and over again. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But ONLY here at <i>Ok, Intriguing</i> do we comb through each and everyone of these best of lists, and deliver directly to you, a list of the best of the best of lists, in our annual best of the best of lists, a list.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That's right, welcome to the Fantastical everyone - here is this years - <b>Number 9</b>.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgpQwfdxwoTrlqJTg4Gn6dFOIK27VzynUsnRJlwMeha7G15ZEha7Sp-Y1k0oelqC2Ah3vS8V75Hxcsb02OGQsfMeg96PvmE1Liee673hx5N_QI6n1lJQCaFJx5nQS5-4AvqP_yGmme-4dXG2xI1zDS_4zeo2jt4goCW1hwgOmJTzk20reRrB0elPK2s=s259" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgpQwfdxwoTrlqJTg4Gn6dFOIK27VzynUsnRJlwMeha7G15ZEha7Sp-Y1k0oelqC2Ah3vS8V75Hxcsb02OGQsfMeg96PvmE1Liee673hx5N_QI6n1lJQCaFJx5nQS5-4AvqP_yGmme-4dXG2xI1zDS_4zeo2jt4goCW1hwgOmJTzk20reRrB0elPK2s" width="259" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Picture this - you’re in the Baltic States.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Nice right?</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Well it gets even better.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Now picture <i>THIS</i> - you’re in the Baltic States and you’ve got a working television!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Woo fucking hell yeah motherfucker! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Now it’s not just nice - nope, now you’re in a bliss zone of blissful blissfulness and/ or full of joy - cause you get to watch Channel 12’s News at 12 in the Baltic State of Estonia - a news program which ROUTINELY gets ranked in the top 17 news/ current affair/ or nature documentary program in Eastern Europe, excluding large markets, defined as markets with over a million residents, eg Prague or Budapest (pronounced Budaprecsht).</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That’s right - News at 12 is the real deal. Bouncing out hard hitting news, genuinely emotional think pieces, AND some of the best post weather zingers in the entire former Soviet State region, in this case <i>INCLUDING</i> big markets such as Prague and Budapest (pronounced Budaprecsht).</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But we’re not here to rate news programs, we're here to rate best of best of the year best of lists, lists - and in this department Channel 12 News at 12 in the Baltic State of Estonia - was OUTSTANDING this year.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Now</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> let’s just deal with the controversy right up top - for <i>OUR</i> <b>number 9</b> we are specifically talking about the Channel 12 News at 12 at <i>midnight</i>. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We are NOT talking about the </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Channel 12 News at 12 at <i>noon</i>. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span>And yes, we agree the </span><span>Channel 12 News at 12 at </span><i>noon</i><span> ALSO had some great best of lists this year. Some really great ones. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I personally enjoyed - "best Baltic states of the year that aren’t Estonia" - Some felt they should have included Estonia in the list - to see where they rate themselves - but I’m not one of those people. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Plus, you know what - I bet half of those people don’t even WATCH Chanel 12 news at 12, noon NOR midnight - cause if they did - they’d KNOW that <i>not</i> talking about Estonia... <i>Is . Their . Whole . THING!</i> It's their SIGNATURE DANG IT! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">So don’t criticize if YOU DON'T KNOW. It was a great list. We liked it. Loads of people liked it. It didn't make our top ten this year, but that doesn't mean it wasn't great. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">What was SPECTACULAR though - in our opinion - was our official <b>number 9</b> pick. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">That's right - it was the </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Channel 12 News at 12 at <i>midnight - </i>and their spectacular list: </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><b>2021's Top Things To Do At NOON. </b></i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Did it baffle some people? Sure. "Wait, I thought this was the news at midnight, why are they talking about noon?" was a common complaint. As was "oh shit, it's noon? my watch is broken".</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">But these people just missed the point. They didn't understand the pure</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">mischievousness</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> of it. The guts. The staff at </span><span style="font-family: arial;">Channel 12 News at 12 at <i>midnight's </i>face cheeks</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> were practically bleeding from the deep tonging they were dishing out. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">We’re the things actually <i>ON</i> the list genius? </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">You know what, probably not:</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">- Pay for brunch</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">- Return from your late morning walk</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">- Plan to mock a Lithuanian behind their back and then boast to a Latvian about it</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> They were all routine every day Estonian things.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> Which is what you’d <i>expect</i> from Chanel 12 news at 12 at <i>midnight.</i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And yet, when you know the program, you know to expect to not get what you expect from Channel 12, so when you DO get what you expect, you did NOT expect THAT! Genius. Then with the <i>noon</i> twist?? </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Fuck yes! Get on our best of the best of lists list, list Channel 12 News At 12 at <i>midnight</i> - spectacular, shocking, astounding and dang well exiting work. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Join us again tomorrow for <b>number 8</b>. And are we heading over to Budapest </span><span style="font-family: arial;">(pronounced Budaprecsht)? No we are not. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But where we do head, might just give you a sore neck, oh yes, a very sore neck. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi0EiO0UEhzmjVBPKiieNty1Chg14zpcG49mLDeUTdtHJ_dtUUFRNTs5WCsjhoT5vl5b1s_hFm9vzCVJrDEzswIQCK2pzwM1x2KhpT9R1F7Ih3suawdpzzI0Q4ZNl_XKt8K0bkmfoe9JpWPRLcLAjUzQKNhb9NQrb9pAw6Rs7hHqiGMGaIjPjiCKV0P=s12070" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3858" data-original-width="12070" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi0EiO0UEhzmjVBPKiieNty1Chg14zpcG49mLDeUTdtHJ_dtUUFRNTs5WCsjhoT5vl5b1s_hFm9vzCVJrDEzswIQCK2pzwM1x2KhpT9R1F7Ih3suawdpzzI0Q4ZNl_XKt8K0bkmfoe9JpWPRLcLAjUzQKNhb9NQrb9pAw6Rs7hHqiGMGaIjPjiCKV0P=w576-h184" width="576" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> <span> </span><span> <span> </span><span> </span><span> </span></span></span>Estonia</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Ps. EVERY year is the BEST year for King Lear - it just keeps getting better and better! So </span><span><span style="font-family: arial;">Fuck off with your piece of shit hacky list -</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> for shame Forbes.com. </span></span></span></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-22044983616445169472022-01-01T21:39:00.003-08:002022-01-06T04:19:54.457-08:00The years best "best of the year list" lists - Number Ten <p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Well it's that time again everyone. Another year has come to a close. And with that lots of things are true - optimism for a new start, summer and/or winter, depending on where you are, is stepping up a notch, and/or not changing much, again, depending on where you are - and also every single Newspaper, TV Show, Blog, Radio Station, Magazine, Bathroom Graffiti Artist, Lumberjack, Skywriting Team, Content Creation Friendship Group, Soapbox Monologist, and Newsletter Email Spammer has done the same thing - released some sort of list surmising what they consider to be the best examples of something that has taken place in the past year. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Top Ten Lists. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Most Memorable Moments Anthologies. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Best Of The Year Summations. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And more. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But ONLY <i>here</i>, at the Fleeting Forever Expansion Fantastical, do we go through each and every one of these best of lists, and make list of the best of the best of lists, in list form. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And, wow, 2021 was a big, baffling, at times brilliant, and at times borderline boorish year - and with that I can only say - what a dang bumper year for best of lists it's been! Spectacular work everyone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The summations have been like gorgeous bows on tightly snug gift boxes - the "special mentions" sections have been shocking, and revelatory - and some of the number ones, well, I can only say it - wow, some of you have more guts that I will ever have. "Con-Tro-Ver-Sial!" my friends. Bravo to everyone. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Still there can only be one winner. But there can also be nine more in total, because we are going for a Top Ten List this year, and so without further adieu - let's kick it off. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Here is your Number TEN best best of list of the year, list </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">TEN - Hobbies 'N' Other Things Magazine</span></b></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgUWG-I1-RXoK7xcExNHfX37fofHX_-tO74T4Wg7ydE5rO2IwbRy69kRQ0X_Dq4k5UtNi3y8E4rtuWbKEsUQ_dl4mjR-ibypoDTC1ZtvCftYJ8fZDajOOSLejCOI4LozNHR6DIhFtgbcAF2mfZeUfmX0CnSToUDx8xdDntBROBi23WZDbVXoGcuxde-=s259" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="194" data-original-width="259" height="194" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgUWG-I1-RXoK7xcExNHfX37fofHX_-tO74T4Wg7ydE5rO2IwbRy69kRQ0X_Dq4k5UtNi3y8E4rtuWbKEsUQ_dl4mjR-ibypoDTC1ZtvCftYJ8fZDajOOSLejCOI4LozNHR6DIhFtgbcAF2mfZeUfmX0CnSToUDx8xdDntBROBi23WZDbVXoGcuxde-" width="259" /></span></a></b></div><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span></span></b><p></p><p><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>A Ten </span><br /><span><br /></span></span></b></p><p><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></p><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">The pages of Hobbies 'N' Other Things Magazine seem to cackle when you open them. The glossiness of the high quality matte paper sings. Even the advertisements for things like Chess Boards, Yo-Yos and intricate modular recreations of medieval battles between Horse Hordes and Dragon Backed Vikings seem to whisper a welcoming speech of acceptance, an acceptance that neither the Horse Hordes nor the Norse Lords would dare offer each other. For that is the lure of the hobbies, and also the 'n' other things, to be found the <i>Hobbies 'N' Other Things Magazine</i> in any given issue.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">Still, even though the average edition is full of easily digestible and overtly passionate explorations of various hobbies and also 'n' other things, the magazine, and I am sure they would admit it themselves, peaks, like the peak of some glorious mountain, like say Peak Mountain in Colorado, with its annual article:</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i><b>Best Hobbies 'N' Also Other Things Of The Year</b></i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">This year was no exception. Moreover, this years edition was like a peak on-top of <i>another</i> peak! Like say had someone taken Peak Mountain from Colorado and then dumped it on the other Peak Mountain in the Rockies, in Wyoming</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">(Although if it were me, I’d personally prefer to move Peak Mountain Wyoming and put that one on Peak Mountain Colorado. Sure it might be taller, but most geologists and mountalogists that I’ve spoken too claim that the Wyoming Peak Mountain, actually has more mass than the Colorado Peak Mountain, due to it's core being made with a higher density granite mix, possible due to a lack of snow drifts in the region in the last decade of the therasix era, and therefore the Colorado Peak Mountain may actually be <i>easier</i> to move. But if you ask me, I wouldn't actually move <i>either</i> of them, I’d be too busy reading about hobbies and 'n' other stuff, in <i>Hobbies 'N' Other Stuff Magazine</i>, a Magazine that DOUBLE peaked in this years finale, particularly in their - Top Ten Hobbies and 'N' Other Things - cover story).</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">I won’t repeat the whole list, I’m sure you’ll be checking that out yourself, but it's indisputable to say - this year they NAILED the balance between Hobbies and the 'N' other stuff. 7 hobbies. 3 other stuffs.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><i>Mwahhh. Perfect.</i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But here’s where they exceeded even their own excellence.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Perhaps spotting a trend...</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Perhaps to be antagonistic or subversive...</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Or perhaps just because their dedication to accuracy is the best in the whole business...</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">They had the entire top 3 be <i>ALL</i> 'n' other stuffs.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Wow.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">“Hats off to you my friends” (and if you haven't read the article, that was actually a hilarious call back to the article - as the number 2 hobby or 'n' other thing of the year, was the activity of hat shopping, where the author of the piece, Shonty Hogan, whimsically recalled the joy of not just trying on a hat you like, but also the joy of TAKING off a hat you don’t like. Haha, brilliant)</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">That’s why <i>Hobbies and 'N' Other Things Magazine</i>, is not just the best in the business, but this year has also scored itself the coveted number 10 position, on this years:</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span style="color: #222222; font-size: large;">Best of "The Best of lists" list countdown here at the Fantastical. </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><span>Congratulations </span><i>Hobbies and 'N' Other Things Magazine!</i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><i><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">And also, congratulations to us. Consider this years lists kicked off. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Tomorrow number 9 - and will Oscar Cintown, repeat his shocking and astounding and yet exciting number 9 position from last year for his podcast The Witching Hour’s Top Ten moments from our show this year??</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"> No! He will not. Frankly he seemed to phone it in this year.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">But what IS number 9 will shock, astound and yes definitely excite you.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Cya then.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Ps. Please don't actually move Peak Mountain and drop it on the other Peak Mountain, OR move the other Peak Mountain and drop it on Peak Mountain - that would actually just be a shitty thing to do. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiUPtIfSGbuDRas-zifYmPxLpp06G9k9TOdjfL54ikO1q8nUvCy3CIJWTq9aXtG6CIAqxZGUNVBIEXkPFpe8nH8XzxlgdCYrymhwxmRE62piiZtWF1qeKh6aPPNfx0bRJd4lwsREt6rBllQPLf7eCJEpPfEe7H2qZpkAIzmtn06pd9x-8Pd7-i8LG2d=s4032" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="639" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiUPtIfSGbuDRas-zifYmPxLpp06G9k9TOdjfL54ikO1q8nUvCy3CIJWTq9aXtG6CIAqxZGUNVBIEXkPFpe8nH8XzxlgdCYrymhwxmRE62piiZtWF1qeKh6aPPNfx0bRJd4lwsREt6rBllQPLf7eCJEpPfEe7H2qZpkAIzmtn06pd9x-8Pd7-i8LG2d=w479-h639" width="479" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> <span> </span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;">Peak Mountain </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-38089505866885988152021-12-23T21:02:00.003-08:002021-12-23T21:04:50.358-08:00Things to say to a Flying Donkey you’ve awkwardly mistaken for one of Santa's reindeer<p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 3px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">We’ve all been there - it’s Xmas day, you’ve been nogging on the egg, the whiskey sours have been too sweet to avoid, and you've gotten high as fuck on grandmas Xmas poetry reading… </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">So … you take a break outside for some fresh air. Or to … “get a little sky fuel” as you like to say it to your fellow party goers, you cheeky bastard. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">You stroll out. The “fuel” is crisp. The sky is open. It’s freeing. And it’s oh so dewy dewy fresh. And that’s The GOOD kind a dew (not like fucking dewy dewy stale - who let this dew go stale? If you're not going to use it, put it in the freezer dang it!) </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">It’s been a magical day, a magical Christmas Day - and all this magic, well, that’s got you believin’ in <i>magic</i> my friend. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">So when you gaze upwards, the moon light dancing in your eyes, and you see two clouds separate, like a nail going into wood shown in reverse, and between those clouds you see a brown hooved beast flying towards you through the air, you can’t help but scream... </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“Yyaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy” </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Then it lands in front of you. A smile on its mullet that could raise a loaf of bread (“self” raising flour - my ass). And that’s when you realize. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“Oh shit, I thought I was yayying one of Santa’s Reindeers, but this is just your run of the mill, stock of the trade, bland as a mule - flying donkey….</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">shit” </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>What do you do? </b></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Tell it - 'sorry I thought you were a flying reindeer'? </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">No. That’ll hurt it’s feelings. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Say - 'ooops, sorry, I thought you were someone else'? </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Nope. That’ll hurt it’s feelings. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Think - 'Goop, I thought you were my flying donkey buddy “Sonnington” who I have a yaaayy greeting tradition with'?</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">No way. You don’t want to besmirch the name of your good friend the flying donkey Sonnington- that’d hurt <i>HIS</i> feelings </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>So what DO you do?</b></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Well take it from me, someone who’s been there more times than I can count (I used to be able to count, until my buddy Sonnington back heeled me in the temple). You have nothing to fear. Follow MY tips and you too can avoid mistaken identity Social humiliation. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">So here they are, my personal, tried and tested:</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><b>Top Ten Things to say to a flying donkey</b> to try and convince it that your glee upon seeing them wasn’t because you originally mistakenly thought they were one of Santa’s reindeers, and want to save face both for you and the bland donkey you’ve accidentally elevated to the level of “possibly interesting”, even though it isn't. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">1. Just admit it - maybe the flying donkey needs to know that it’s just that - a boring god damn run of the mill flying donkey.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">2. Ask it - what the fuck is a mill anyway? </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">3. A</span><span style="font-family: verdana;">nd why is running said mill apparently bad?</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">4. Cause RUNNING just about <i>anything</i> has at least SOME panache right? Running a road crew, running a rowing crew or even crewing a road runners rabbit hunt! </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">5. I mean you’re RUNNING IT - that means <i>you’re</i> in charge for fucks sake!</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">6. Top of the tree.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">7. Milk of the teet.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">8. Angel of the mass of space between here and heaven.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">9. You <i>RULE. </i></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><i>10. </i>Well you rule this weird pointless space at least. But rule you do. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">11. And what is that space called anyway? </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">12. It's not heaven. It's not earth. It's got to be something. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">13. Whichever Angel was in charge of running the naming ceremony fucked THAT up BAD. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">14. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">Plus <i>running</i>?</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">15. That’s a dang OLYMPIC sport!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">16. An event established in fine and historic nation of Greece.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">17. A fine and historic nation that up till now has a fine and historic BAN on all flying Donkeys.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">18. And Flying Honey Bangers.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">19. AND AND AND flying Springboks! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">20. Sure they let in Flying reindeer- but do they do it from love? No. they do it from FEAR!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">21. Not that flying hooved beasts are anything to be feared. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">22. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">So if you think I was judging you flying donkey, then you are wrong wrong….</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">23. Really Wrong. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">24. Look I'll just say it "</span><span style="font-family: verdana;">Sorry dude, I thought you were a reindeer. My bad". </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">25. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">But, In my defence I heard rudolf was once mistaken for a levitating warthog! </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">26. </span><span style="font-family: verdana;">And if you think you’re better than a levitating warthog then you’ve probably never heard the awesome Math Rock band - Levitating War Pig!</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">27. Did you think I was going to say Levitating Warthog? </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">28. Ha ha , Like anyone would name a band after a “warthog”, ha ha ha.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">29. See, we’re having a laugh now - nothing awkward about that</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">30. Saying “nothing awkward about that” is a bit awkward though…</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">31. Dang </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">32. I’ve got carrots - want one?</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">33. Ok two </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">34. Now ya love me!</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">35. Yay</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">36. I love me too </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: verdana;">Yay. <br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><b>Well I think We’ve answered this one:</b></span></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Spotting a flying donkey instead of one of Santa’s reindeers ultimately leads to YOU finally being able to tell yourself that you love <i>yourself</i>. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Awwww. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Thanks flying donkeys ! </span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Todays blog was brought to you by: </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Levitating War Pig - the best Math rock band this side of the great pork-rock belt. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">And </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">“Self love - if you want it - then stay away from fucking Santa”. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">And</span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Mills - run one today - you’ll feel GREAT about yourself. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">And </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Grandmas poetry - look most poetry sucks - not grandmas. </span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Plus she made you soup! </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Awwww. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;">Yay. </span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /><br /><br /></span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgZ7ioF_2MbxiLxQGfTeU7O8RfX_t1rXhj1X4rH4hfGlX0AgWfFvJ4Rxzz30TMi83DGjVTpWxuPkVP-P8vItOESIG6qlNH15svZSeShyU-yQZeRHMN3L69oWVVr-LHMf1B_-QOZPbKHveEaS69-UTFnCI2uOCjeXM1aPJS-LlcIVZe3FCGNjR_8rcXy=s227" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="227" data-original-width="222" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgZ7ioF_2MbxiLxQGfTeU7O8RfX_t1rXhj1X4rH4hfGlX0AgWfFvJ4Rxzz30TMi83DGjVTpWxuPkVP-P8vItOESIG6qlNH15svZSeShyU-yQZeRHMN3L69oWVVr-LHMf1B_-QOZPbKHveEaS69-UTFnCI2uOCjeXM1aPJS-LlcIVZe3FCGNjR_8rcXy" width="222" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: verdana; font-size: medium;"><br /></span><br /></div>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-14759726496917626332021-12-22T06:28:00.005-08:002021-12-22T17:29:39.657-08:00And Now The December Journal of "Chrissie Orment", The Christmas Ornament<p><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">Hi everyone, my name is Chrissie, um, Chrissie Orment, I live in Wisconsin USA, oh yeah, and I am a Christmas tree ornament. Um, so yeah, Fleeting Forever asked me to write a journal this month so you all could know what the Christmas period is like for us ornaments. Um. Here's a selfie of me, so you know what I look like and that... </span></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhR_mrr40cnyZk6HXM_tXxsUvuzmVU8D3feU_mlGatjWMJmeOYaCy8zuQZZ-6Bf0IBlj7IrlFcUI1HuXJoPB8VPxKjg5I2l9vaa7OJLC0olqhQ-83MPsTs9iQdTivrNQ_Od-bdDkZp_d501RUIUYPeZugm2SZrOCxPev12O-8U4Cdr8nB8eOQOmGv9_=s3000" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2864" data-original-width="3000" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhR_mrr40cnyZk6HXM_tXxsUvuzmVU8D3feU_mlGatjWMJmeOYaCy8zuQZZ-6Bf0IBlj7IrlFcUI1HuXJoPB8VPxKjg5I2l9vaa7OJLC0olqhQ-83MPsTs9iQdTivrNQ_Od-bdDkZp_d501RUIUYPeZugm2SZrOCxPev12O-8U4Cdr8nB8eOQOmGv9_=s320" width="320" /></a></span></div><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"> Me! </span></span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">So yeah, here it goes. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><br /></span></p><p><b style="color: #292929; font-family: inherit; font-size: large; letter-spacing: -0.016em;">December 1st</b></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">It’s December again. It's been another tough year. But if I’m lucky I’ll be out of this storage box soon, and once again hanging out in the open, on the tree, bringing Christmas joy to everyone. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I cannot wait. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I’m so excited!</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Then again, careful what you wish for Chrissie, you did this to yourself the last three years, the box opens earlier than ever, you think all your Christmases have come at once, and suddenly the complaining starts.</p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">“You’re out too early,” </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">"I don't want to see a tree yet"</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">"Already?" </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">"What's next hot cross buns in January?"</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">"I haven't even digested Thanksgiving yet!"</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">"What's this on my face, a spider? Aaagghhh, oh shit, no it was just a bit of tinsel. Tinsel already? AAGGGGGGAGG"</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">"No, not yet, NOOOOO"</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><i>The humans complain</i>. </span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.06px;">They're ALWAYS complaining about how early we come out. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Those bastards. "Hey, I don't want to hear you complaining dick. Try spending a year in a box and then have people MAD they let you out"</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><i>No no Chrissie, don't be like that. You're all about joy. So BE about joy. </i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">It's December, Christmas is coming, yay.<i> </i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 3rd</b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Still in the box. Which is <i>fine</i>. Like I said, the it's too early. Sure I WANT to be out. I LOVE being out, so why wouldn't I want that? Yet, I don't LOVE when the humans complain about me and my friends being out. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I try not to get angry. I really do. I'm all about joy! </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">But... I let it get to me some years. I just do. I get my feelings hurt. I cry. I start threatening to spot some human who is barefoot, and then time it just right, and then jump off the tree, crash into eighty glass pieces all over the floor and fuck up that barefoot for life. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>But it’s not worth it Chrissie.</i> </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I remind myself. And it isn't. Plus I'm still in the box, so what are we arguing about anyway. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>Joy. Joy. Joy. </i></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">YES! </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><b>December 4th </b></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I mean, Mike the bulb did that eight years ago, just dove right in front of a </span><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">barefoot</span><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">, and the human who's foot he went into was walking again by Valentines Day!</span></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">But where’s Mike now? </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Landfill. That’s where. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Oh and that one little piece of him is still in that humans foot. But still. Hold it together. Be strong. The humans come around in the end.</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;"><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Besides, still in the box, so yeah, it's </span><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;">irrelevant</span><span style="font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">. </span></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><b>December 12th </b></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>Joy to the world. Joy Joy and more Joy. </i></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Still in the box. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Which is <i>great</i>. It really is. Absolutely NO danger of being accused of being out too early this year. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Lol. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I was stressing for nothing. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Just sitting tight in a box stressing for nothing. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">In a box, in an attic, in the dark. No reason to stress. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Plus, Christmas is SOOOON. Well sooonish. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Awesome! </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 13th</b> </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Still in the box. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 14th </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Still in the box. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 15th </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Um, STILL IN THE FUCKING BOX. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><i>Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Joy. Come on Chrissie. </i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Fuck. I am ready to spread joy. Come on. Open the box. Lets get this on. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">December 16th </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Come on fuckers, this is getting ridiculous. I know you've had a hard year too, but us Ornaments and the other decorations are STILL IN A BOX! </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 17th </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Fuckers, can you hear me, fuuucccckers!</p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><i>Joy joy fucking joy. </i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 18th </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Alright just let us out. I get it humans. I do. You were ALSO worried about being "too early". Hey who amongst us has never worried about being "too early" if you know what I mean (if you don't I was referencing premature ejaculation). </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">But hey, good news, you don't have to worry about it. It's December 18th. <span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>No one</i> is going to call you "too early" this year. You nailed it! Congratulations buddy. Well done. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Now, open up this little box, fling me and my friends on the tree, and let us spread some fucking joy, alright? </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 19th </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Look, I am trying to be nice, but this is definitely NOT a "too early" scenario now. In fact you are </span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">very close to copping a "no decorations, what are ya some sort of grinch?" type comment. And you do NOT want that. And you know who else doesn't want that.... MEEEE! </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>Come on Chrissie, Joy, all you need is Joy... Joy ta Joy ta Joy.</i> </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.06px;"><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, Times New Roman, Times, serif;">December </span></span><span style="color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">20th</span></b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Fuck joy. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Let us out of this box. OUTTT!! </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Hang us, and wrap us, and light us UP! Let's get this happening. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 21st </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Seriously, still not. We are STARS. <i>Stars</i> dang it. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I mean Jeremy the star ornament is LITERALLY a star. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">People go crazy when they see us. Crazy for joy. Get us up. Up up up. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="7d2f" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 22nd</b> </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Then again, now that I think about it, no one EVER goes crazy for <i>ME.</i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Hang on (a rad term by the way, reminds people of things that hang, rad stuff, like ornaments and shit) </span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Sheila, the Angel, always gets “awwwwws”, and “oh it’s so wonderful”, and "wow, lovely, nice, an angel" and stuff like that. Sure, she's an angel. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Horban, the picture of The Simpsons at Christmas, get's "Oh cool, I think I have seen that episode". Yay, good for him. He deserves it. It's a good TV show. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">And then Gary, the anatomically correct naked Jesus ornament, well he always gets laughs. Big laughs too. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">But those laughs are cheap. Shitty shock value laughs. "Hey look it's Jesus's dick" laughs. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>And I get that</i>, normally a naked Jesus ornament has like the Ken Doll nothing, or a sheath. Gary has full dick and balls, hilarious. I'm not denouncing that. I enjoy a cheap laugh too. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">But then where are <i>my</i> laughs. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I mean I am funny dang it. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I am a Christmas ornament of a Christmas tree that’s hung ON a Christmas tree. It’s perfect fucking irony. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">A tree on a tree - why does a tree need a smaller tree? Is there an even smaller ornament of another tree on me? And then another on that? </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">It's brilliant. It's a thought poker. And it's IRONIC. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">But these numbskulls don’t get irony do they? “</span><em class="ye" style="box-sizing: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Oh it’s Jesus’s penis, ha ha fa la la la la fuck you</em><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">”. "A tree on a tree, I don't get it, let's look at Jesus's penis again". Fuck. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><b>December 23rd </b></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">I bet that if I was in England I'd get laughs. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Yeah, over there they’d get me. I’ve seen Ricky Gervais’s The Office Christmas special; those Brits <i>love</i> irony. Here in America though, not at all. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="1b82" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">You know what, I wish America had lost the damn War of Independence. Yeah I said it. The people would be toasting the Queen, and loving me. What a beautiful thought.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Then again, let’s face it. Regardless of whether I lived in England, America, or the United States of the British Empire, I know what happens, people see Gary and laugh, then they see me, I get no laugh, or maybe even I do get a laugh, but then they look six inches to my right and yell “yaaaaaayyy candy cane!” </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><em class="ye" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Candy Fucking Cane</em>. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">The Christmas ornament that people can stick in their fat mouths. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I just can’t compete with peppermint. Those assholes go nuts for them. I don’t get it. They don’t eat peppermint <i>all year</i> and yet now suddenly it’s like giving a dead squirrel to a wild dog. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">They rip em open with their teeth. Spit plastic on the floor. Suck on em till they’re pointy spikes, crunch them till they’re not sure if they’re eating shards of candy or shards of broken tooth, but they don’t care. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><br /></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>"Just look over there idiots</i>, there’s much better stuff to consume" I want to scream. "There’s snowmen shaped sugar cookies on that table, on the mantle there’s chocolate in the advent calendar, that bowl in the kitchen has sweet rum soaked salted caramel eggnog". Fuck, if I had a mouth I would deck the halls with the sound of me licking that bowl so clean the glass would turn back to sand. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="5760" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"><i>Stupid humans.</i></span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Then again, I guess that’s only the set up of a wealthy family’s house. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I hope this year, if I ever get out of this fucking box, I hope I’m in the house of a REALLY rich family. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Shit, that sounds so wrong when I write it down. I’m not a snob am I?</p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">The thing is, there’s just more presents. It makes the whole picture of the tree much prettier. It’s ok that to want that right. It’s <em class="ye" style="box-sizing: inherit;">literally my</em> job. <i>Be part of a beautiful tree scenario. </i>That's the gig. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">You know and something about joy I think. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Why does Santa give more gifts to the rich anyway? It makes no sense. They already have more stuff. Then he claims the test is actually a naughty vs. nice battle? </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">So a poor kid is all nice, and get’s squat, and rich little shit naughty fucks the world, and get lots? </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Why?</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">Oh wait a minute. No way. Holy fucking Night. Is Santa trying to teach Americans… IRONY!</span><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;"> </span><em class="ye" style="box-sizing: inherit; letter-spacing: -0.003em;">That fat genius</em><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">. I love you Santa. And those idiot humans have no idea. Morons!</span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><i>Joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy joy! </i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><i><br /></i></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>December 24th</b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="a9b0" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I don't CARE that I'm still in the box. I finally understand Christmas. Soon the world will all know what Irony is, and THEN when I am out, I will be the funniest fucking ornament EVER! </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Wait.</p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">I think I hear something. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">The attic stairs are opening. <em class="ye" style="box-sizing: inherit;">Hark now, hear the Angeles sing!</em> Our box is moving. Shelia, Gary, everyone, wake up! </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">Look the box is opening. Look, sunlight, tinsel, stockings, eggnog, SNOW! It’s all so beautiful. Yay. Oh my god I take it all back. This is the best. It’s here. It’s Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year! Joy to world, and Merry fucking Christmas everyone!</p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><br /></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b>The End </b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b><br /></b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><b><br /></b></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">PS. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;"><span style="letter-spacing: -0.003em;">- Chrissie DID get some laughs this year. Although mostly because someone stuck her up the Angels butt. </span></p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- The last bit of Mike finally fell out of the humans foot while he was getting a foot massage by a new lover - he cried like a baby - she found it "the sweetest thing ever" - they're getting married and have a "zero glass bauble policy" at their wedding. Sandra "Christmas All Year" Klops has yet to RSVP. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- The anatomically correct naked Jesus was deemed "inappropriate" this year and put in the bin. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- Irony went on to be named "finally funny" by Newsweek Magazine. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- No one is sure if a tree on a tree IS irony or not though. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- Chrissy now works for the stage show Jagged Little Pill. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- "<i>Joy Joy Joy Joy Joy"</i> is still a lovely sentiment. <i> </i> </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- Merry Xmas, and Happy Holidays and such. </p><p class="xj xk wn ob b xl xm sq xn xo xp st xq xr xs xt xu xv xw xx xy xz ya yb yc yd jy bw" data-selectable-paragraph="" id="6fbf" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #292929; font-family: charter, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 20px; letter-spacing: -0.003em; line-height: 32px; margin: 2em 0px -0.46em; word-break: break-word;">- Yay. </p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-33849692120785495122021-12-15T21:40:00.003-08:002021-12-15T21:42:42.522-08:00"Things I Like" with Dave <p> It's that exciting time on the blog once more, where the fantastical turns into... </p><p><br /></p><p>"Things I Like"... <i>with Dave</i>. </p><p><br /></p><p>This is the show where there are some "things I like", and I'm Dave - the very same Dave as in the title of this show, a show titled... </p><p><br /></p><p>"Things I Like"... <i>with Dave</i>. </p><p><br /></p><p>Although if it <i>were</i> a different Dave that sure would be fun too. </p><p>I mean imagine the intro to the show THEN! </p><p><br /></p><p>'This is "Things I Like" <i>with Dave</i> - and I am your host Dave - no not the Dave from the title, another one - and this is the show where there are things I like with Dave, presented by me, a different Dave to the Dave who likes the thing". </p><p><br /></p><p>Now thats the kind of show<i> I</i> want to watch. </p><p>It's got everything. Things. Likes. Daves. Other Daves. </p><p><br /></p><p>How MANY Daves? I don't even KNOW anymore. </p><p>Is that a Dave over there? MAYBE. I am not going to ask his name. What if we've met before and I don't remember. That would be embarrassing. With Dave. </p><p>Thats not a chance I am going to take. Or am I? </p><p>Now we also have MYSTERY and SUSPENSE. </p><p>Ok, I didn't ask his name. That's RESOLUTION baby. </p><p>But his name may still be Dave. MORE mystery! </p><p><br /></p><p>In fact I enjoy the idea of this show so much - I am going to declare "Things I Like <i>with Dave</i>, with your host Dave, no not the one from the title, another one" - to be todays "<i>thing</i> I like" <i>with Dave</i>, in this case this one, as in this Dave, as in the Dave from the title of the show we are currently on, <i>not</i> the miscellaneous hypothetical Daves from the new show which has at least one more Dave than this show has, and is the thing I like today, rather than the show we are on at the moment. </p><p><br /></p><p>I like it. </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi5HeZmFoXaIfHFGIqweAtm3kH3b3FTA3ShQA0NL5YHim_2_eeX353TG820vIPpKk_VokevGqHNAtsOF_xNbJ3NPUsSlrpFRc03E37KA3d3TCnIhQdDoRjYIzZ73zguiq7rKgwwBH0K7eY5ukOmWwOm4h2TTItJde6XzVwECU8VCmUNnmp_FfG9Mfxr=s3088" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3088" data-original-width="2316" height="385" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi5HeZmFoXaIfHFGIqweAtm3kH3b3FTA3ShQA0NL5YHim_2_eeX353TG820vIPpKk_VokevGqHNAtsOF_xNbJ3NPUsSlrpFRc03E37KA3d3TCnIhQdDoRjYIzZ73zguiq7rKgwwBH0K7eY5ukOmWwOm4h2TTItJde6XzVwECU8VCmUNnmp_FfG9Mfxr=w289-h385" width="289" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div> A Dave? <i>The</i> Dave? No one KNOWS!<br /><p><br /></p><p>Well I think we have answered this one:</p><p>- There may be more than one Dave. </p><p>- But no one knows for sure. </p><p>- Which is great, because <i>mystery</i> is great. </p><p>- There may be more than one Dave. </p><p>- Was that last line an intentional repetition or an accidental repetition? </p><p>- I don't KNOW. </p><p>- Ooooh, mystery. </p><p>- "Oooooh, mystery"... <i>with Dave</i> - would also be an awesome show. </p><p>- Repetition is great. </p><p><br /></p><p>I like it. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-60417178137614541902021-12-08T21:24:00.002-08:002021-12-08T21:24:56.384-08:00Ikea: The Big Questions The Mainstream Media Refuse To Ask <p>It's been a huge week for Ikea. </p><p><br /></p><p>Their stores AROUND the WORLD are still a thing, PLUS in a huge twist of glee, in the story that EVERYONE has been talking about, 30 odd people this week were forced to spend a night in an Ikea in Denmark. And not, as most would assume, because they couldn't find the exit, even though they swear, they "HAVE been following the arrows", but in fact, because of a snowstorm. </p><p><br /></p><p>You can read all about it with the below link. Or I can sum it up for you. Here I go. There was a snowstorm. A bunch of people got trapped. It wasn't too bad because Ikea has both beds and food (possibly meatballs - although that is not confirmed nor denied in the story). The End. </p><p><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/dec/02/ikea-snowstorm-trapped-customers-denmark">Snowstorm Trapped Customers</a><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>It's a lovely story. And probably the biggest story out of Denmark all week (or millennia). </p><p><br /></p><p>And when stories this big happen, you get professional journalists AROUND the WORLD asking questions. Big questions. Big questions like: </p><p>- I wonder if they got to sleep in the beds?</p><p>- Oh I see it says here that they did. So, um, how about that weather? </p><p><br /></p><p>Excellent questions journalists. I enjoyed them immensely. I also enjoyed the answers: </p><p>- Yes, it says on the press release there, they did. </p><p>- Snowy. Did you not get the press release? </p><p><br /></p><p>Excellent stuff. Story over. </p><p><br /></p><p>Um not so fast Ikea. I am ALSO a journalist, and I have some questions too. In fact I have some big questions. Questions which the mainstream media REFUSE to ask. </p><p><br /></p><p>1. Every time I have been to an Ikea, I have always had the same thought - "I bet a dozen people live in this store and no one has noticed". Well where did THOSE people all go this particular night? </p><p>2. Surely when they were picking beds at least one person said "you can't have that one, that's the one I <i>always</i> sleep in, I mean, that's the one I am going to sleep in for the... first time... tonight", right? </p><p>3. It says in the story that six customers got stuck. SIX? No no no. Every Ikea on earth has at LEAST ten thousand customers at all times. What happened to the rest of them? </p><p>4. Why don't any of the stories I have read about the incident even mention meatballs? </p><p>5. Plus the stories don't mention the one customer who couldn't help but joke around with gems like "If this lasts I know who I am going to eat first" and "I guess we better start repopulating the earth"? It is not possible there wasn't one dude doing that. So what happened to him?</p><p>6. I'll just say it - what IS in those meatballs? Cause they are delicious. </p><p>6. Doesn't it snow in Denmark all the fucking time? </p><p>7. By all accounts everyone was treated delightfully by the staff, and they all had a good time. Are good natured Ikea shopping experiences how Denmark consistently finished atop of the list of the world's happiest people for a good decade? </p><p>8. But also the last three years they have lost that spot to Finland, so what the fuck is happening in Finnish Ikeas? </p><p>9. Plus Ikea is Swedish, how are THEY not number one?</p><p>10. How do I turn my automatic windscreen wipers back on in my Volvo? </p><p>11. Ikea sells One Billion Meatballs a year, <a href="https://www.express.co.uk/life-style/life/1290791/ikea-meatball-delivery-fast-food-furniture-opening-restaurant-sales-sweden-coronavirus-spt">One Billion</a>! And yet when I go to the local supermarket, at least in Australia, why is there is no one competing for those big meatball monies?</p><p>12. For shame big beef! Or big pork! Or big beef and pork and etc blend depending on what it actually in those things! </p><p>13. Actually, now that I think about it, I can think of a half dozen chicken product companies in the supermarket - Ingham, Steggles, Lilydale, the one with the rooster for a logo, the one with a lady chicken for a logo - but I can't think of a single equivalent for beef or pork products. CONSPIRACY!</p><p>14. Fuck, does that not exist? Thats a potential HUGE market just there waiting! </p><p>15. Invented by me, right now, copywrite, trademark, no takey bakies. And </p><p>16. How do I get my phone to automatically connect to my Volvo? </p><p><br /></p><p>So answer me Ikea. Don't make me come down there to investigate in person please. I can never find the exit, and yes "I HAVE been following the arrows, I swear". </p><p><br /></p><p>PS. Apparently people also got stuck overnight in the neighboring toy store. Which has been practically ignored by the media. Um Um Um? </p><p>- Did it turn into the movie Big Two? </p><p>- Was Tom Hanks there?</p><p>- What ever happened to that kid who played his friend? </p><p>- I liked him. Or did I? </p><p>- Wait a second, wait a second - Bigs girlfriends other love interest was the dad from Home Alone. First he loses his girlfriend to a kid, and then just LEAVES his kid behind. Um CONSPIRACY! </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi-niie_BDeCERUZZGTlARPRG78XV1anRCkO5uRTVbB8offRGpTb3a2T_Q6MeK2pqOM-TSHGhyu8hBfYhaWV7a2pYotVrrpBLQUyurqxDJJjaxaLcAwds_K-B1m8C8sAC18BzkJuQSmmu80pmeaAQDsXV_8TyqytvqVjupr7bqGD5eanKtMd7SGfUNa=s355" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="142" data-original-width="355" height="128" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi-niie_BDeCERUZZGTlARPRG78XV1anRCkO5uRTVbB8offRGpTb3a2T_Q6MeK2pqOM-TSHGhyu8hBfYhaWV7a2pYotVrrpBLQUyurqxDJJjaxaLcAwds_K-B1m8C8sAC18BzkJuQSmmu80pmeaAQDsXV_8TyqytvqVjupr7bqGD5eanKtMd7SGfUNa=s320" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-83731433841623376152021-12-06T21:29:00.005-08:002021-12-07T18:53:32.563-08:00Celebrations, and other things you should stick in a bowl and eat <p> Well it's happened. </p><p><br /></p><p>That's right, good people of the Expansion Fantastical universe- we posted our one thousandth blog the other day!</p><p>That's one THOUSAND times, I, David Tieck, have had a bunch of thoughts, and thought - you know what, these are thoughts that I think the internet will think are worth thinking about. </p><p>And I was right. The internet thought - yay. And they turned those yays into clicks. And they turned those clicks into reads - in fact, we also just hit our 990000 read!</p><p>Who'd have thought, that thoughts like these thoughts could reach so many thousandths of thinkers? Yay. </p><p><br /></p><p>It's a time to celebrate, sure. But it's also a time to reflect. And with reflection comes questions. So I put it out to the universe - ask me anything you want to know about the blog. And the universe... responded. </p><p><br /></p><p>"Ok, so, but like what the hell is the blog actually ABOUT"? </p><p><br /></p><p>People have been asking me this question for decades. On planes, on bikes, on trikes, on trains on rails, on railway style trapeze home game editions of the price is right, on homing pigeons with their settings set to "human size parcels", on Parcels United Brand skateboards, and even on NON transport devices like in cars or on Star Trek style "transport" pods. </p><p>And my answer to this question has come on lunar modules, in buses, on planes, and even on Star Wars style "transport" pods. </p><p><br /></p><p>And that answer has been a resounding - YES. </p><p><br /></p><p>Because the blog is about THIS!</p><p><br /></p><p>But it's also about other things. Many other things. Many other things like...</p><p><br /></p><p>Helmets, and carpet, and the crushing defeat of the corn starch industry’s infiltration of rice bubbled cereals - HEY corn starch - FUCK OFF! </p><p>Rice bubbled cereals are RICE's backyard - and you can get the fuck off rice's yard!</p><p>I mean, come on corn starch, keep to your own lane. Plus why do you even want to be in Rice's yard, when you have a whole LANE, and it's a great lane. </p><p>Consider these amazing things ALREADY in <i>your</i> lane:</p><p><br /></p><p> - Cornflakes</p><p>- Corn Bubbles </p><p>- Corn Starch Marching Men From Venus</p><p>- Corn Krispe Bites </p><p>- Corns In a Bowl With Milks</p><p>- Corn Horngers </p><p>- Corn Flavored Corn Corns and </p><p>- Corn Flaked Bubbles of Corn Clusters </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhBKYNfGdI2l38DIXedh_DxCIuHAqoD-8gPbxBqQwuS3DXg1YjUqkhBAuDnWC5i0xdM2ODiQAwK2CihGxCQU9o02AfEHgMvNSmrh3VzRJiExRHKiwEKXTBBY_OFL-pQVsD4hHcx_X8yXzskVF2N3VVQVdLMshFzDUFUrJ3jpbIpFkvEFzkd-TQeca0X=s1067" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="800" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhBKYNfGdI2l38DIXedh_DxCIuHAqoD-8gPbxBqQwuS3DXg1YjUqkhBAuDnWC5i0xdM2ODiQAwK2CihGxCQU9o02AfEHgMvNSmrh3VzRJiExRHKiwEKXTBBY_OFL-pQVsD4hHcx_X8yXzskVF2N3VVQVdLMshFzDUFUrJ3jpbIpFkvEFzkd-TQeca0X=s320" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Oh fuck. I have just been informed that not a single member of the list above is a real cereal. Not one. Yet each and everyone is spectacularly AWESOME. </p><p><br /></p><p>Well I think we've answered this one: </p><p>"What the hell is the blog actually ABOUT"? </p><p><br /></p><p>It's about I, David Tieck, finally being declared <i><b>the new LORD of cereal! </b></i></p><p><i><b><br /></b></i></p><p>And it's about getting me, David Tieck, finally officially DECLARED <b>KING of CEREAL IDEAS</b>, and possibly getting my name legally changed to <b>David "CEREAL KING" Tieck</b>. </p><p><br /></p><p>First next step: Call me Kelloggs and/or the other one (or ones? Who pays attention to cereal?) - I am ready to take my RIGHTFUL place at the HEAD of your cereal research and development department! No one knows the game better than me! </p><p>First Job: Change the department name to - The Cereal Kings Workshop (please note, I just come up with the ideas, someone else can "work" them out). </p><p>Wait wait wait, I just had another idea - new shipping method - Homing Pigeons with their settings set to - Cereal Sized Packages. </p><p><br /></p><p>I can't be stopped. </p><p><br /></p><p>Hire me FAST Kelloggs and/ or the other one (or ones), or this guy thinks that you'll have thoughts about how you should have thought to hire me, sooner! </p><p><br /></p><p>I think. </p><p><br /></p><p>Ps. Thanks for the reads. YAY! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-70806271393194196292021-11-29T22:34:00.003-08:002021-11-29T23:14:22.087-08:00And now, finally, reasons why "The Sangriham" is a bad name for a Sandwich <p><br /> There's a lot of good names for sandwiches out there. </p><p>- The Ruben </p><p>- The Club</p><p>- The BLT </p><p>- The BLAT</p><p>- The BLAT but replace the T with a G please - what "G" sir? - I don't care, I just want to hear you say BLAG, ha ha "Blaaaaggg". </p><p>- The Meatball Sub </p><p>- The Number 2</p><p><br /></p><p>These are sandwich names that have lived on in folklore, been referenced in great films, been referenced in mediocre films, and possibly even television shows (I'm not sure, I only researched films for this blog). </p><p><br /></p><p>We love these sandwich names. And for good reason, they are GREAT sandwich names. Solid, rich, descriptive, and sometimes, with some minor adjustments to ingredients, HILARIOUS. </p><p><br /></p><p>But then, oh yes... then... along comes.... The Sangriham. </p><p> </p><p>Oh it seems like a good sandwich name... at first. It starts with "the" which is PERFECT. It sounds fun, sophisticated, epic but also accessible, regal yet also a tad like an old motel which has seen better days in a town which has seen better decades. It burst onto the stage, and the stage seemed crafted for it's arrival. </p><p><br /></p><p>"I'll have The Sangriham", people imagined characters in films saying. Mediocre films AND great ones, and possibly even TV shows, although we didn't research that. </p><p>"Sorry we're out of The Sangriham" we imaged the reply, in gritty dark dramas. Or "Great choice, coming right up" in witty, possibly New York or San Francisco based romantic comedies. </p><p><br /></p><p>Did that happen though? No it didn't. Why? Because, sadly, it turned out The Sangriham was a BAD name for a sandwich. Some even say "really" bad. </p><p><br /></p><p>And now finally the reasons why it is a bad name, (or as some say "really" bad) are to be revealed, exclusively here. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdQ_TRMgy2XA_8j9m4m8dZmJ4k2EOkI-_1JVVToalTbTBICDcTCZQpLxFmpB41ywyK5S5ghzV1GT-ZCDAMA0q4-yKBwY_1xkc3bmPJ_KCAZC8mclpWSbA4CXtB2aYuQZzqD2nkgaWH0cA/s1085/92979DC6-E298-4E72-B62D-DD0E9FDC5EAB.JPEG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="683" data-original-width="1085" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdQ_TRMgy2XA_8j9m4m8dZmJ4k2EOkI-_1JVVToalTbTBICDcTCZQpLxFmpB41ywyK5S5ghzV1GT-ZCDAMA0q4-yKBwY_1xkc3bmPJ_KCAZC8mclpWSbA4CXtB2aYuQZzqD2nkgaWH0cA/s320/92979DC6-E298-4E72-B62D-DD0E9FDC5EAB.JPEG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">The Sangriham</div><p>1. The name sort of hints that the sandwich may have ham in it. But does it? Yes. It's an optional extra. Well fuck you, I don't LIKE ham dicks. </p><p>2. Is there just one single The Sangriham on earth? Nope. Fuck you, I wanted an exclusive. </p><p>3. "Where's my mummy?" </p><p>"Um, I don't know Maam, why do you ask?" </p><p>"Well I'm not going to asks for a The Sangriham, am I. The grammar is AWFUL". </p><p>4. Or is it the "word order" rather than the "grammar". </p><p>5. Fuck, now that I think about it I don't think me actually knows what grammar actually is? It's not spelling, it's not punctuation, or is it both of those things? </p><p>6. And why do people care, it's all just words. </p><p>7. And dots and dashes and shit. </p><p>8. Plus - dot? How the fuck did the dot get to be the "and that's final" punctuation. "I'm not going to buy a bucket of sand ever again period. They have them for free at the beach. If you bring your own bucket". Being a sentence with prime use of both the word "period" and it's punctuation representative the dot, to represent the phrase "and that's final". </p><p>9. Fuck that - dot does not deserve this power. </p><p>10. I mean what is a dot? Is it like the point of an arrow. Because that's the scary bit of an arrow, and I am FOR removing that. </p><p>11. Now, "A pointless arrow", now that's a killer name for a sandwich. It's witty AND it makes you think. </p><p>12. "The Sangriham" on the other hand would be an awesome name for a building. Possibly one where people gather. "I'll see you at The Sangriham" would be something people would say. Then they would discuss specifics, like time, dress code, and possibly details about the other people whom may be gathering there. Hell Yes! </p><p>And lastly because. </p><p>13. The Mustard was passed use by date. Yuck. </p><p><br /></p><p>Well I think we've answered this one. </p><p>- Someone should name a building The Sangriham, with a sandwich shop, which sells a sandwich called A Pointless Arrow, and with IN date mustard. </p><p>- Fuck off dots! </p><p>- Blag - ha ha! </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6302832786644162438.post-21260456234096474452021-11-29T06:11:00.002-08:002021-11-29T06:28:33.670-08:00The surprising truth about being mistaken for a beaver <p>Well I think it goes without saying, it's pretty dang nice to be back here, at the blog, on the blog, and for those of us who are not here, (perhaps they are over there, out the back or maybe even somewhere in the elsewhere zone), I think we can be sure, they too are happy, to be here. </p><p>It's nice. It's nice to be chosen to write this blog that I created. It's nice. </p><p>I'll tell ya what is probably NOT nice though... being mistaken for a Beaver. </p><p><br /></p><p>Consider this: </p><p>"Hey Beaver..." </p><p>"Who me?"</p><p>"Yeah you, the beaver" </p><p>"Oh sorry, I am not a beaver, I'm actually an adult human-being. Plus we are here in Australia, a country with no beavers" </p><p>"What about at the zoo?" </p><p>"You have me there pal - and it is definitely nice to be reminded occasionally that swift assumptions can often be wrong and harmful to my OWN self - in terms of the way they make me foolish - or worse swift to judge - or worse still something worse, like maybe a thorn in the toe, or even a toe in the thorn, no one ever thinks about it from the thorns point of view -</p><p><span> </span>'Hi I'm a thorn'</p><p><span> </span>'Here, go in a toe' </p><p><span> </span>'What... a TOE? I can't get a rib? A kidney? Even an ankle? Give me an ankle at least man, I can't go home for Christmas and tell mum and dad I ended up as a fucking toe thorn!"</p><p>"Yeah, that's AWFUL sounding - so I thank you" </p><p>"No, <i>I </i>thank YOU beaver man" </p><p><br /></p><p>Nope - see, I proved myself wrong. Being mistaken for a beaver is clearly actually the pathway to great learning, and is therefore great for humanity, and should in fact be the cornerstone of the educational system from now on. </p><p><br /></p><p>Well I think we've answered this one. </p><p>- Being mistaken for a beaver is rad. </p><p>- Being a thorn in a toe is fucking awful. </p><p>- And being here on the blog is nice, even if we're not here at all but in the elsewhere zone, it's just great that that is some how also here. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>Help Save Education - Mistake an adult human for one of these TODAY </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn9shOt5LNkUM2THZdGqDe7AEppHxbwX50hMSwAXvoPd4cnBsNEfE7X3kx3AyAVXsGhJzNPhID5iTdKEI7g_Q5RZXzCH4TiqvCRTP2rvNPl7Wf9SkR7dqBnxNG4lUApdDTu857ETU8yfg/s1000/beaevr.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="800" height="548" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn9shOt5LNkUM2THZdGqDe7AEppHxbwX50hMSwAXvoPd4cnBsNEfE7X3kx3AyAVXsGhJzNPhID5iTdKEI7g_Q5RZXzCH4TiqvCRTP2rvNPl7Wf9SkR7dqBnxNG4lUApdDTu857ETU8yfg/w439-h548/beaevr.jpeg" width="439" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p>Ps. This might be a gopher, I can't tell the difference. </p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>David Tieck http://www.blogger.com/profile/12104919091420308915noreply@blogger.com0