All NEW reasons to love… Omelettes!

It was a great day for loving stuff today everybody…

The warm sun was shining all warm, in some places. In other places the refreshing cold rain was falling all refreshing like. And in even other places even other weather was falling and or rising - weather like snow, sleet, hornet swarms, wind, darkness, the foreboding sense of decentation into unknown decent, mist, weird low clouds and even decanted sky water (fog!)

And fog can be pretty as FUCK under the right circumstances!

Hell yeah!

Also there was a tree somewhere, and trees are rad - consider these tree parts:

• Branches

• Leaves

• Trunks

• Nooks

• Owl Caves

• Ant nests

• Anteater surveillance equipment

• Bark

• Different nooks

• Other branches, n’ leaves n’ shit

• Owl n’ ant shit

All great. Hell Yeah!

What else has all those awesome things? Not flamingos, I can tell you THAT much.

But that’s no reason to hate on the humble flamingo. In fact here at all new reasons to love - we love flamingos, we even love flamincomes! (hehe)

But trees and flamingos are not our topic today…

Today’s topic - all new reasons to love… OMELETTES

Flatter than a pile of scrambled eggs, yellower than a pile of scrambled old iPhone chargers, fluffier than a person on an adult film who’s job is to refill the bowl of hard candies, full of more cheese than your average lactose intolerant sommelier..

“Which cheese pairs good with this wine master sommelier?”

“For me … none of them NONE OF THEM - Ahhgghh - well cashew cheese I guess, and cashew IS the best nut! Yay!”

That’s right, we all love an omelette. Some even say the buffet omelette station is the number one place on earth for the question “what even is a scallion”?

That’s right omelettes are rad, and create intrigue and curiosity - and intrigue and Curiosity would be great names for a pair of rambunctious traveling Private Investigating Flamingos!

“How did you catch me, I was so careful?”

“You sure were, but no one is so careful that they they are even careful not to tell a couple of flamingos hanging around to piss off and stop beaking into their business”!

“What, those two Flamingos that I let beak all through my file cabinets, even the ones behind the false books case, were….”

“That’s right, that was Intrigue and Curiosity… private eyes - well private beaks - we’re trying to get that term out there, but it hasn’t taken on quite yet, but it will, it will!”

“Blast it, no one suspects the flamingos!”

Blast it indeed. Blast that omelette with ham AND bacon that is - this ain’t just any station, this is an omelette station!

So those are the traditional reasons to love omelettes - but here are:

Seven all NEW reasons to love omelettes.

1. They make a way better AND cheaper back up frisbee than a diamond necklace!

2. They are easier to cook than an entire moose that’s still alive and currently in your backyard looking at you with those beautiful big “please don’t eat me” eyes.

3. They are a great place to chuck in any left overs from the fridge - an omelette is like natures worm farm - you can chuck almost anything in there and it’ll work. Vegetables, meats, left over adult film hard candies all go great in an omelette. Or got a dickhead flatmate building a giant Lego world in the living room and always telling you not to go near it. Cook him an omelette - then throw in the key Lego piece, the piece that’s going to be the bridge to the two halves of his masterpiece. And in an omelette it will just “work” man. And then when he says “have you seen that one significant Lego piece that I need or else all of this was a waste of six years of my life” just say “no” and then casually put on a pair of x-ray glasses and then with a mischievous grin say, “wait, ask me again”. Hell yeah!

4. Omelettes are also a great motivational tool for finally completing work on your x-ray glasses project.

5. They may a better replacement hub-cap than a pair of moose antlers tied to a poorly sanded piece of drift wood.

6. Omelettes are a better present than a diamond necklace - because they come from the heart! Frankly that scene in Pretty Women where that dick tries to take her finger off when she tries to pick up that necklace - put an omelette in that box - now her laugh makes sense!

7. Also know that scene where that lovable lady of the night, sneaks out in the day and gets revenge by buying lots of clothes? Now imagine she also goes to the original sales lady’s home, breaks in, slashes all HER clothes, makes love to her John in HER bed, and then makes an omelette in HER kitchen with HER eggs, and doesn’t make enough to share!!! Now THAT’S revenge.

Well I think we’ve answered this one. Did we already love omelettes - you bet your diamond necklaced ass. Do we now have even MORE reasons to love them - well good luck, you won that bet when you bet your ass, and now you have two asses, and you can bet BOTH of them that we have more reasons to love Omelettes right now!

Woo hoo!

A Perfect Omelette

Thanks for joining us. Don’t forget to like and forward and get this tattooed on your ass. And let us know in the comments if you also have even MORE reasons to love Omelettes!

Ps. At the moment, when our hero flamingos ask to beak around people’s private stuff, people just say “yeah, who could say no to a flamingo” - but when word gets out that Intrigue and Curiosity are actually the worlds foremost Private Beaks, we worry their access will be harder to attain. Anyone got any good costume ideas for them?

Pps. So far we’ve tried pantomime horse, off brand boy wizard, and tree - but their legs keep giving them away!

Ppps. And yes, we HAVE already tried having them stand on top of each other wearing a trench coat. Um, yeah, that’s right - the surprisingly handsome lactose intolerance sommelier earlier WAS the flamingoes and they got back every damn millimeter of the microfilm - the bad guys had been hiding it in the cashew cheese this whole time!

Pppps. Da da da la la la

If you know some bad guys

Or have some arch foes

Just call

Intrigue and Curiosity

The surprisingly handsome lactose intolerance

Flamingos

Da da da

La La La

Also great at wine recommendations!

Pppps. You also won that double ass bet on Omelettes, and now you have FOUR asses! Woo hoo!

Note: If you too are a lover and like to find new reasons to love something - send it to us at… and we will publish it right here in your name!

Best blog EVER!

Breathe this in

I know what you're thinking:

'Life's great, I have lots of great things going for me, my relationships with people I care about are great, my career is great, I'm great at both chess and telling which fly caught on a spider web will be eaten first, I've got great lats, I drank a great latte recently, and when I let him my Latin mate Lettie let's me like leftie leaning lightning strike lesions on lascivious lions, I've got great gumption, the word 'great' is great, and I'm great at using it to lie about things being great when occasionally those things are only good, or possibly even so bad I just don't want to talk about them, yep, life's great, really great, except for one single thing - the fact that I'm pretty sure I have lungs - but how can I possibly know COMPLETELY for SURE that I have lungs?' 

Well people, as usual I'm here to help.  

Your current doubt is completely normal, as in fact it's actually impossible to know for SURE whether you have lungs or not, but there are numerous signs which can help you get as close as possible to figuring it out. And because I'm generous, sometimes even greatly generous, I'm going to share right now with you some signs to look out for that you do in fact have lungs:

- You can breath.

- You're currently a lesbian, or a gay man, or a heterosexual, possibly even a male or female or other, or even some kind of human.

- Or even some sort of mammal or possibly a reptile or bird, depending on whether you believe in science and what not. 

- You've never had a heart and lung transplant where the surgeon put in the new heart but then got lazy when it came to the lungs and was all like 'just throw in a couple of Coke cans and let's hit the bar', which is fair enough, I mean who hasn't gotten lazy at work? 

- You've also never had a surgeon successfully give you a new heart but then stick Pepsi cans in your body instead of lungs, laziness isn't brand specific people! 

- You don't live underwater.

- Or if you do, you live in an underwater palace with great air-conditioning.

- Or you live underwater without any palace, but bizarrely you can't seem to stop sucking on that really long straw that's pointing upwards.

- Or you live underwater, without a palace or a straw, but before you went down there you made sure to fill an owl up with lots of air and now suck on his beak lots. 

- When you smoke people say stuff to you like 'aren't you worried about your lungs?' 

- You're not from some kind of weird planet where people have cellos instead of lungs - do we have any of those people here? 

- Oh sure, deny you're one of those people if you damn well want to, but I'll catch you next time we run a marathon and you can't get up hills without your bow! 

- By the way I can get you wedding gigs if you need money.

- Ha, that was a trap, you need VIOLIN lungs to get wedding gigs! 

- Your name is Stephanie - in my experience most people named Stephanie have lungs.

- When you were a baby and cried a lot some dude went 'man that kids got some lungs'. 

- When someone asks you 'do you have lungs' you answer 'yes'. 

- You're not a liar. 

- At least not when lungs are involved. 

- Or you live underwater, without a palace or a straw, but before you went down there you made sure to get an owl to fill ITSELF up with air, and you were so impressed with its ability to follow directions you now breath by mouth kissing blow fish. 

So how'd you do? Do you have lungs?

If so, congratulations, you can breathe easy now, ha ha, but seriously, it's hard being lungless, so congratulations. 

If not, my commiserations, but worry not, I was serious before, if you have violins instead I can totally get you wedding gigs, or if it's Pepsi or Coke cans you can always sell them

to thirsty people at marathons.

Wow, happy endings for all. Except people with cellos for lungs. And blow fish. Poor guys get mouth kissed and then fed to underwater owls!