Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The best day of my life scenarios - I'll give you the stars

This evening I had to walk somewhere for 20 mins or so directly towards the beast of a hot summer's low setting sun. It inspired a lot of thoughts, such as:

- Holy fuck this sucks.
- I'm like walking right at this fucking thing.
- Seriously, sun, just fucking set you asshole.
- I mean honestly, 'sunset' is not supposed to mean 'set..tle into one annoying spot and stay there'! Move down for fucks sake sun.
- Yes I know it's actually the earth that's moving, not the sun. But honestly, do you think I have the power to make the earth move faster? That's pretty dumb. My telekinesis only works on stars dumbass!
- I like my shoe and sock combination today, matching blue white and red combo on both, but not EXACTLY matching, so it catches your eyes in a pleasant yet not quite right way.
- Walking staring at your feet isn't as bad as I remember it from my ridiculously shy 'please no one look at me' days.
- Yes, I can fucking so move stars with my mind thank you very much, every time I look at stars and think 'I'd like all them to be somewhere else', within a couple of hours or two they always are.
- Bullshit!
- No, not bullshit, no way, more like bull um... Cum? Is that the opposite of shit?
- Well it is fucking now, that'll totally take off and enter the mainstream popular term zeitgeist.
- Good for you, I agree awesome term, very useful too, people say bullshit all the time, you fucking should be able to say 'nahuh, bullCUM'.
- Thankyou, you're not arguing with me anymore?
- Nah, I AM you, well we share the same body and brain at least, and we're in public, I'll save my torture of your soul for home.
- Cheers bud.

Now I have a confession right now. I did not literally think all that as I walked towards the sun. In fact I wrote most this as I merely approached the sun setting in my face period of my day, in fearful anticipation, knowing what it's like, as I take this walk often at this time of the day on this day of the week. Yet when I arrived today the sun turned out not to be too bad. My telekinesis is clearly strengthening, and that other dude who lives in my head is weakening!

Oh my god, both those facts are awesome!

So yeah, best day of my life? BullCUM!!!

A note on my last post

If anyone was worrying, wondering or whimpering in fear for how my walk home ended up, I issue the following statement:

My phone did not die before I got home, but I lied in the past post, I was listening to a podcast not music, and I listened to it all the way home, and therefore was never once left with, shock horror, nothing to entertain me but my own fucked up brain.

However, due to lack of battery, and my obsessive need to not repeat the same walk ever, I did end up taking a less trodden path, through a scary bush trail, and was not willing to risk anymore battery to turn on my phones flashlight feature, which resulted in me A. walking through a spiderweb and B. spending three minutes or so at one point throwing sticks at something I thought may be a snake, but ended up being sticks.

Yes, this is how I actually prioritize my life - send post with a bit of something I think may be funny - battery needed. Watch out for deadly animals - battery not worth risking.

Three people read that post by the time I got home. Totally worth it.

Plus on this bush path I saw a kitty chasing a fox, and I enjoyed seeing that. I also saw some sort of hawk that seemed to be about half the size of a small car. I didn't think such animals existed in Australia. I therefore think that some form of evolutionary development has taken place which will soon see the world overrun with giant animals, run for your lives. Unless you think being eaten seems like it may be swell.

As I was writing this past paragraph I began to suspect that a spider was crawling on my back. I didn't think it was actually happening, as I think this very often, at least a hundred times an hour on days Ive walked through a spiderweb, but this time I did not check until I had finished suggesting being eaten might be fun. I thought that getting that potential humorous suggestion was worth more than my life potentially ending, ironically because of an animal bite.

Please note twice before in my life I have thought that a spider may be crawling on me and yet resisted the temptation to check knowing that I check all the fucking time and there never is a spider on me. Twice, thats how many times before I resisted. BOTH those times it turned out a spider WAS on me.

How the fuck I am alive is a mystery to me.

Ah, stupid person here

Do you ever worry your phones going to die so you turn down the volum of your music? 

I feel like someone's done that

And I knew that as I thought it 

And yet still took out my phone to write this on! 

Then I thought if I add that then it saves the potential joke steal 

Then I thought I better say all that 

I'm still writing this on my phone now and my walk home may totally end up silent 

Stop dickhead 

Alright just post it or it'll be for naught 

What takes more time - editing this or saying I don't have time to edit?