Monday, March 19, 2012

Truely magnificant

Dear readers,

I am a wonderful man. A pure example of the definition of awesome. If I were a painting I'd hang on a huge white wall that was stained from the saliva of an endless gaggle of gasping observers.

'Brilliant' is the word used by some. Ha ha 'some' when did people start using the word 'some' when they mean 'all'? If I were a beverage I'd taste like lemonade after a hard days work in the hot sun. Only this lemonade renders its drinker into a state of bliss rarely seen outside of a two hour continuous orgasm. Also, ha ha 'some'. Occasionally my modesty kills me. If by 'kill' you mean to say 'reminds me how brilliant "all" think I am'.

And wow, I sure am handsome. One day my handsomeness will cure cancer, inspire world peace, and turn everyone into lovers of the arts. Yes I am THAT beautiful. Wow, One day photos of me will be worth millions of dollars, and yet I am so generous that I give them away for free. That makes me the most generous man in history. If a were a car I'd actually be a bus, and the biggest bus on earth, and it would be able to fly, and on it you'd be able to watch movies, and then you would get to far away lands inside of me, and those lands would be brilliant and yet not as awesome as me. Ha ha, 'far away lands' why would anyone want to see anything other than a photo of me? Something I give away for free.

Interesting? Ha ha, I put a question mark, that's how beautiful my sense of humor is. If my sense of humor was a sport it would be a sport where everyone wins and yet the drama would still be so high that soccer riots would turn into cuddlefests as opponents commiserated with each other at missing my wit as they had instead congregated to fight. 'We missed Dave's brilliant handsome wit to be HERE' they would say into each other’s tear soaked shoulders. 'We should have watched the brilliant sport that is the metaphors for Dave's sense of humor instead'. Yep, that's how brilliant my sense of humor would be if it were a sport.

Dear readers,
By reading my work, above is how you make me feel about myself!