Thursday, November 26, 2009

Reasons to be thankful from the mind of Dave

Hello my American friends, in case you need some help, here some extra reasons to be happy on this Thanksgiving day :)

Every time you eat a sunflower seed you deny a sunflower the chance to live, and the sunflower is the most joyful flower, which is good if you're happy hating scum

If you star on Entourage there's a better than average chance you've recently fucked someone I haven't had the pleasure of

If you're shopping and they say 'if you need to ask the price you cant afford it' what they mean is you don't deserve to be able to afford it

If you enjoy playing guitar then there is a good chance you are not addicted to raping teddy bears

Most terrorists can now be swayed to not commit a suicide bombing with a custard filled chocolate krispe kreme

If you know a girl for more than 2 years before drunkenly asking her to fuck then these days you can know there's a good chance its not true love

Due to recent technological advancements moldy donuts now taste better than an old ladies unnecessarily used tampon.

If you grind up mosquitoes in a jar they make an excellent alternative to jam on an English muffin

I you are a drink and in my mouth right now then you're finally on your way to fulfilling your preordained destiny

These days if you have no kids but try to pick up kids after school anyway their parents rarely thank you for your generosity

This year Black colored greyhounds finally are secretly delighted by the color confusion

If you're an alcoholic you can regularly enjoy naps in strangers gardens

There's now a third number to consider when your going to the toilet. Number 3 - when you diarrhea out your bellybutton

Happy Thanksgiving America!!!!!!