Thursday, August 9, 2012

My gift to you - lyrics for a country song


Old School Cowboy

I’m just an old school cowboy
I do things the old way
I even have a cell phone, it’s even an iPhone, but it’s only an iPhone 4, which I bought just before they announced the 4S and I was so pissed off that I never even upgraded on iTunes which as far as I know would upgrade my iPhone 4 into an iPhone 4S, but I don’t understand how the technology could possibly upgrade the camera, and let’s face it they had that technology already and chose not to use it because they want to make more money off their most loyal customers who rush out to buy the most recent product they release and it’s fucking bullshit if you ask…
I don’t want to technology bask
I’m not a fool
It’s just that I am an old school
Cowboy

I’m just an old school cowboy
I do things the old way
…me, like I heard that they are about to release the new mini iPad and yet it is not going to have a camera at all, even though a mini iPad is actually a super large iPhone which has a camera so you know without a shadow of a doubt that they have the technology so that means that you know for a fact they are just chasing the dollar at the expense of their fans and eventually it will have to catch up….
I don’t like to need luck
I’m not a fool
It’s just that I am an old school
Cowboy

I’m just an old school cowboy
I do things the old way
..…. with them, I mean people switched to apple phones after being loyal to another brand at one point, and you know what I bet it will be when the Steve Jobs movie comes out, because let’s face it people kind of like him, but Ashton Kutcher is playing him, and he is a fucking unlikable douche, so in the end everyone will hate….
I don’t like this many things on my plate
I’m not a fool
It’s just that I am an old school
Cowboy

I’m just an old school cowboy
I do things the old way
….Steve Jobs, Oh also, but only because I am old school, so it’s not my fault I’m also racist, sorry, old school etc, ok, plus I do like apple products, they grow apples on farms
I don’t want to twist your arm
But a free MacBook air
Would sound pretty fair
To this old school
Cowboy

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

A gift from me – a new hair metal ballad


The other day I saw Aerosmith and Cheap Trick, and it was awesome. Yet a few things hit me up front.

-       There are still actually people who will verbally complain at you if you stand up at a rock concert
-       These people epitomize everything I hate in the world
-       Except for cliff diving not being an Olympic sport
-       Which I hate, yet is probably not that persons fault
-       Although I doubt she was a cliff diver
-       Or even a cliff diving enthusiast enthusiast
-       Fucking loser
-       Those guys in those bands are old and still rock like shit
-       I should stop complaining about my tired old joints at only thirty five
-       There hasn’t been a proper hair metal ballad for a long time
-       I should write one
-       Like this one

Please be my n 'roll
 
(Verse 1)
I was living hard
But feeling soft
I was reaching high
But feeling low
I was hoping big
But feeling small
I was reaching wide
But feeling narrow

(Bridge 1)
Finding my life in a car
Just before I had to pay the garage toll
And yet spare change appeared
Like from a magic hole

(Chorus 1)
You were that hole
Because you are my rock
Please let me be your n’ roll

(Verse 2)
I was hoping for smart
Yet feeling dumb
I was dreaming of Thai
Yet feeling Korean
I was trying to see
Yet wearing specs
I was not wanting to be blind
Yet not really seein’

(Bridge 2)
Finding my life in a boat
Just before I had to pay the river-crossing toll
And yet spare change appeared
Like from a magic bowl

(Chorus 2)
You were that bowl
Because you are my rock
Please let me be your n’ roll

(Bridge 3)
Finding my life in a airplane
Just before I had to pay the sky toll
And yet spare change appeared
Like from a magic soccer goal

(Chorus 3)
You were that soccer goal
Because you are my rock
Please let me be your n’ roll

-       Now for the best part
-       I am not currently in a hair metal band
-       This means I have no use for this song
-       Bridge means ‘over a body of water'
-     Hence the river reference
-     If I was in a hair metal band I am not sure if we'd use it anyway
-     I mean obviously it's brilliant
-       Yet I am fond of being wasteful
-       Like starting new points
-       That could have finished in the
-       Last point
-       But was started
-       On
-       A pre
-       vious
-       Line
-       So I am offering it for sale to the highest bidder
-       If you need help with how certain rhymes need to be pronounced to rhyme I’ll totally do that with you
-     If you need help with the imagery then please remember that the 'rock' and then the 'n' roll' are supposed to be metaphors for 'rock n' roll' 
-     I know that confuses some people
-       If you buy it you should totally rock it please
-       If I don’t feel that you think of her as a hole then no one will
-       And I wrote it
-       And thought about at least two or three ladies while I did
-       I don’t think ‘garage tolls’ exist but if you sell it people will believe it
-       Same with 'sky toll'
-       Although I think river toll is real
-       That’s one of the keys to rock ballads
-       Be fake yet with a huge nugget of truth
-       If you buy it I will consider you my roc
-       K
-       Please let me be you’re n’ roll