Friday, September 7, 2012

The sad rainbow – a kids book

The Sad Rainbow

'I'm sad' said the rainbow, to his only friend, the dried dog poo.

'Are you sad because you only get to come out when it's raining?' the dried dog poo asked.

'No' replied the sad rainbow, ‘but now that I think of it that does really suck’.

'Are you sad because everyone assumes you’re gay?’ the dried dog poo asked.

'No' replied the sad rainbow, ‘but everyone does always assume I’m gay, just because I’m a rainbow, it’s just a nasty stereotype, and I hate stereotypes’.

‘Are you sad because you basically look like a giant frown?’ the dried dog poo asked.

'No' replied the sad rainbow ‘but I never even thought about that before, that’s awful, I am the world’s biggest frown, oh my god’.

‘Are you sad because it's really windy in Sydney at the moment making it difficult for David Tieck to read the newspaper in the park, or eat cotton candy on a lonely bridge, his two favorite activities?' the dried dog poo asked.

'No' replied the sad rainbow, ‘but that really sucks, David Tieck is an awesome guy and he deserves better than that.'

'Are you sad because you can't pick just one color, you have to show off all the time and be like “look at me, I'm EVERY color, that's better than you dried poo, I can't just be brown once in a while cause I have to shooooow off”?’ the dried dog poo asked.

'No' replied the sad rainbow, 'But now that you say that, you're right, I always have to be fancy, sometimes a rainbow just wants to relax in sweats too!'

'Are you sad because your only friend is a dried dog poo who's kind of an angry prick who’s likes to point out all your flaws?' the dried dog poo asked.

'No' replied the sad rainbow, 'but you are being particularly mean today, I was already sad, now I’m just mortified, what's your problem?'

‘My problem is that I am trying to help you, and you can't just friggin’ spit out why you’re sad!’ Said the dried dog poo, ‘For Christ sake I'm sick of always having to guess shit with you! Just say it already!!!!!’

‘Well what about you?’ retorted the sad rainbow, ‘you’re always like “I'm dry, I smell” you're a freaking whiner!’

‘Just tell me why you’re sad’ pleaded the dried dog poo ‘seriously man, the sun will come out and then I won't see you for weeks! Just get to the fucking point!’

‘Ok, ok, you’re right’ apologized the sad rainbow ‘I’m sorry’.

‘So why are you fucking sad?’ the dried dog poo asked.

‘Well, it's just, well’ began the sad rainbow on what was sure to be the start of a beautiful soliloquy ‘I can just never find a hat that suits me. I try on hats whenever I get the chance, but I have a weird head, and I just don’t suit hats.'

'Oh my god’ exclaimed the dried dog poo, ‘You’re a rainbow, you can't wear hats you idiot, they'd fall straight through you!'

'Screw you!' yelled the sad rainbow 'You’ll never understand what it's like to be me’!

Just then a German shepherd ate the dried dog poo then licked its owners face
The End