There there there there

I really am a sweet guy.

Like when I see someone I know who is upset I'll go up to them and rub their shoulder and gently say 'there there'.

I think if you're basically a decent human and you care about someone, and they are facing a hard moment or situation, the very least you can do is have the compassion to say a pretty random, irrelevant and clearly unhelpful word two times in a row.

Some guys out there are mean sadistic scum, yes I have seen them, and when they try to comfort someone in pain they will offer merely a singular 'there'.

Those motherfuckers. One more 'there', right after the last 'there' to expand their 'there' into a 'there there' and the person suffering may have discovered in their love the strength and fight to overcome their problem. But they can't bring themselves to do it.

And really, in a 'there' world there is little hope for peace, happiness and understanding.

I can sense some of you are upset at realizing this sad truth, but because I am a sweet guy I offer all of you a warm heartfelt 'there there', ahh now isn't that better?

This week on the real housewives of Iran

‘What do you mean my brother saw your cheek?’

“It was an accident I swear, there was a big gust of wind that blew my headscarf slightly off my cheek, it was just for a fleeting moment’

‘Fuck you, you bitch whore, get outside so I can stone you to death’.


Next week on the real housewives of Iran find out which of your favourite housewives daughters gets raped and killed after it was discovered a boy had had an impure thought about her.