Today was a fun day, oh sweet lord of the light box as it explodes back into darkness, the fun oozed from us today it did and it was spectacular. Dang yeah it was fun. And I’ll tell you why. We received mail. And mail is fun. Also check this out (by the way checking things out is also fun, especially if the things you check out turn out to be rad and/or pretty dang nice.
That’s right, today is funspolsion.
(Sorry, sorry, I know. The blog has been literally flawless since the pandemic began, except the fun announcing catch phrase coining has been terrible. Please focus on the 7453 things we’ve gotten right, and not the tiny thing we’ve gotten wrong. And check out this letter. We liked it!)
Dear David Tieck and all the team down there at Fleeting Forever,
My name Gary, and I am from the town of Wyoming Indiana, right down in the heart of Alabama, aka The Sunshine State. And while we’re known worldwide for our Jambalaya and our Cobb Salad, there is one thing about us that’s less known. And that is that we appreciate good work when good work is being done. As such I just wanted to write to you and say, dang it, I’ve been a fan of your beautiful prose for many a sun dance around the moon, but this new project you have going, on helping people have fun when they’re at home files, well dang it, I tip my hockey mask to you son. As such, I wanted to help out, so here’s a little about me, and something I find fun to do while at fun files.
Like I said, my name is Gary, and I am head of quality control down at Yippee Stickers, the best makers of stickers that say "Yippee" this side of the Yippyville. Yippyville obviously make exceptional stickers themselves, they've been at it a long time, but this side of them, well I'll tell ya, we’re the best.
At least most of the time that there is. And I hate to talk about it, but I'm told by those a little wiser in the ways of the soul than me, that’s it’s nice good to share such woes, so well, you see, I let a bad batch out once. That’s right. Me. HEAD of quality control. Failed to control quality.
(Cying). I was having a rough day you see. MY dog had eaten my breakfast, my hat fell in the dog’s food bowl that was full of food for some reason, I had a twisted testicle from chasing after the dog when he was vomiting blueberry pancakes on the new yak skin rug, and I got yak hide in my teeth when I was eating my breakfast.
And I'll say it, I was a little distracted by my morn, seven flawless batches had gone out, so I could assume the eighth would be the same right? Wrong.
The glue had weakened you see, a spitball had landed in the machine; an innocent spit ball from a wee childish bit of horseplay. We weren't to know that the spitter had been chewing tobacco, sure he was always chewing tobacco, but we'd have thought he'd spit it out to chew on a spitball.
Still, we weren't to know that tobacco spit mixed with a corner of a napkin from Harry's Ribs, The Best Ribs This Side of Yippeeville, would then mix with the sticker glue, causing a chain reaction, which would ultimately lead to (crying) seventeen different children across the state thinking that their school binder expressed the emotion Yippee, when it fact all it expressed was the disgusting residue of a sticker no longer sticking.
I'll never forget the face of the first small boy who came to me weeping, saying, "why didn't you want me to be able to let my classmates know that I was Yippee mister, WHY WHY WHY WHY?”
I had no answer for him. I was crushed. I was lost. I spent eighty-two days drowning myself in Ribs and beers down at Harrys, and yep they were great, but that scorned face of an innocent child still burned me. Plus urinating the beer mixed with rib hot sauce with a twisted testicle burned me. It was the worst day of my life. All eighty-two of them. Plus you have to add on the day I spent travelling home from the town the kid lived where I’d gone to apologize for the bad batch. And that was a rough day travel. My dog was in the car and had eaten my breakfast burrito, and long story short, I ate a bunch of yak pelt with my breakfast. And peeing yak pelt REALLY burns.
But you know what cheered me up in the end?
You betcha’ - Sticking a genuine “Yippee” sticker from down here at Yippee stickers right on my face. That’s right, Yippee stickers, I declare them fun. You’re welcome.
By the way, I took a little moment to help you out with your little catch phrase coining problem, hope that was ok. Use it if you like, here it is:
“Yippee, now THAT is fun!"
You’re welcome. Also, and I hope I am not stepping on toes over there, but your name “Tieck” makes me want to call you “Tiecky”, which makes me think of “Tiki bars”. You should call yourself Dave the Tiki Bar Tieck, your blog would sell way more Pina Colada. And they go great with deep-dish cheesesteak tacos, and we’re famous for those around these parts. You’re welcome.
By the way, I hope it was ok for me to point out when I was crying. It’s not the tale you see, as sad as it was till the end. You see I’ve got dang sticker stuck in my eyeballs, and as such I haven’t been able to blink in nearly six months, why have I been forsaken as such, WHY WHY WHY WHY?
Head of Quality Control
“The Best Stickers That Say “Yippee” this side of Yippeeville”.
Thanks Gary, we really appreciate your letter. And on your recommendation, we can officially declare that getting a nice letter is FUN!
It’s a fun a fun a fun a fun a fun FUN!
(God dang it. It’s the only fucking flaw. Can someone help us please? )