Thursday, April 28, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Tuesday, April 26, 2016
Friday, April 22, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Monday, April 18, 2016
Friday, April 15, 2016
Wednesday, April 13, 2016
It throbbed the time I noticed the clouds turning grey, REALLY grey, and the lightening turning flashy, REALLY flashy, and on the same day a mysterious football field length metal rod had been stuck protruding from my bedroom window and focused on my pillow, leading me to have to do something always dangerous - putting my ear to the metal to see if a train was coming.
It throbbed the time a deadly snake had been hidden behind my sofa cushion ready to plunge it's venom into my woefully soft skin, a day that coincidentally coincided with the day the snake was pissed off because the sofa cushion turned out to be woefully not soft enough.
It throbbed when seven panthers were hiding in the tree in front of my house, and coincidentally on the day which coincided with the day these panthers had been shown video footage of delicious looking wildebeests that had had their faces CGI altered to look like my face!
It throbbed when I failed to get any leads or clues on who or what had been seemingly trying to get me, letting me know the danger was still out there, unless they were tired, which they probably were, as I've heard panther wrangling is hard.
It even throbbed when the danger was only superficial and implausible, like the time where my towns one and only dentist, Kev's brother, who was a hobbiest CGI expert, and a freelancing zoologist, threatened to 'get me'!
I mean obviously he was just joking as he had no reason to dislike me, I mean I never even went to the dentist, and I'd stopped trying to date his wife after I found out she was a large metal rod saleswoman, what a boring job. Plus I'd made it less likely anyone would steel his prized rare and expensive bird collection as I'd had all the breeds existence officially denied rendering them worthless and therefore stupid to steal.
Plus I was the one who'd started the rumor that dentists were the ones who caused the recent disease outbreak at the nuclear hospital after their backup batteries had been stolen, which caused dentist visits in my town to drop ninety percent allowing him the time for his bird hobby in the first place.
So yes it even throbbed when the danger existed in its trickiest form of non-existentence. In fact it NEVER stopped throbbing, because as the wisdom of the wise quote I coined earlier taught us all - danger is ALWAYS existent, lurking behind everything, surprisingly even angry panthers.
It even throbbed when I invented a dastardly tooth laser gun and shot myself with it set it to throb, proving that my weapon didn't work at all, and was probably unstable and ready to blow.
And NOW I was in this restaurant and my waiter was praising me for kicking him in the knee seven times, and he was praising me BIG. And he was offering me rewards, all the most cliche awards ever offered by anyone, including and strictly limited to: