Tuesday, October 17, 2023

Does your town need a Diner called Gummy Pete’s? Here’s how to find out!

Does the following sound familiar?

“What do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know what do you want for dinner?”

“I don’t know what do YOU want for dinner?” 

“I don’t KNOW what do YOU WANT for dinner?” 


It’s been reported that as many twelve different families have had this exchange. 

Some say as many as 6% of divorced couples that end up in divorce have had this conversation at some point in their marriage (twice during the reception - chicken or different equally tasty chicken option? You fools). 

Three out of every four three and four year olds have this conversation at every are you three or four feast. 

And I mean literally seventeen different international space station brawls resulting in a fatality started with a chat like this. 

Remember when we used to have two moons?

Well what few people know is that one time in the 1970s an argument broke out on the international space station over what to have for dinner, which eventually it descended to..

“Do you want the silver sack of slime or the silver tube of sludge?” and that was the exchange that started the fight that ended with the second moon accidentally being popped like a balloon- and they hadn’t even tested the soil for dormant intergalactic gnat feces yet. Aaaaggh. 

Which brings us to the number one reason YOUR town, (or city, or village, or backyard, or international space station) needs a new diner called Gummy Pete’s: 

Number One: “What should we do for dinner?” - Answer every single dang time “Gummy Pete’s!”

Number Two: Consider these great sentences you’d get to say 

- “I swear I wasn’t ignoring your calls, I was at Gummy Pete’s!” 

- “Who ate all the soup? Ah dang it, I was saving that, I got that at Gummy Pete’s!” 

- “The lab have confirmed those WERE bite marks on the victim, that means at this point EVERYONE is a suspect. Except of course you Gummy Pete” 

- “No I’ve never met anyone called Toothy Pat, it’s probably irrelevant, but I do know a Gummy Pete?”

- “Have you not met? Oh shit, well this is my friend Gummy Pete” and even

- “Hiiii Gummy Pete!” 

Number Three: The pancakes are probably pretty good. 

Well I think we’ve answered this one, yay, your town (or other kind of place or space station) DOES need a Gummy Pete’s! Congratulations. 

For information on signing up to be a franchisee please write in the comments why YOU are the person most worthy of running a Gummy Pete’s. 

Note: Gummy Pete’s franchises do come with a working milkshake machine, but we do not provide an actual Gummy Pete. If you do not know anyone named Gummy Pete you can hire, we recommend hiring someone named Pete and giving them LOTS of free milkshakes. 

Ps. I miss the second moon, it wasn’t as good at encouraging teenage boys to show their bums to people in McDonalds car parks as the one we have left, but oh boy did it try. 

Pps. If you don’t remember the second moon then the aliens won, damn, I was really rooting for us. 

Ppps. Just have a buffet at your wedding please, it’s the only way to keep everyone slightly below satisfied. 

Pppps. That was a test and you failed, all weddings should be at GUMMY PETE’S! 

Ppppps. Wait you can buy gummy candies that look like teeth, but NOT gummies that look like gums. That is so dang meta, you are brilliant Gummy Pete!