Life is short. Or perhaps it lasts for a really, really long time. No one is really sure. Which sucks. If they can't figure that out definitively then what else don't we really know? The perfect size for a jar? What a fuckin' miserable thought. Fuck that. Instead here are the silly, weird, unhinged, absurd, silly, stupid, completely unrelated to hinges (moslty), poorly edited, outpourings and thought vomits of a silly idiotic teddy-bear of a dickhead. Staring David 'Pinky-Von-Sox' Tieck
Sunday, November 30, 2014
At the zoo
Fun Fact: it takes fewer muscles to smile than it does to frown.... at a monkey stabbing a zookeeper in the face for farting in the enclosure and yet blaming the horrific smell on the monkey, on take your knife to the zoo and then run in the enclosures with your knife in your pocket yet too loose to guarantee the knife won't fall out day' - own up to your farts y'all, that's all I'm saying
The Best Day Of My Life initiative – Thirteen Lucky Hours
Hi everybody, I believe this is the earliest I have ever gotten around to starting writing this and yet simultaneously by the far the least energy I have to write this. I have just finished a day of shooting for a webseries myself, and various talented friends of mine are making, and the day started at 7:30am and we worked straight through to near on 1am, and frankly I am fucking exhausted. That might well be a whole thirteen straight hours work, but I am so tired that there is frankly zero chance of me being able to count exactly how much time that is. It might be twenty-four hours for all I know, which may be half a day on the new calendar, and time increments, and things of solar and lunar equations, and whatever else comes into consideration for how long days are, because I am so tired, maybe they changed all that shit and I just can’t lock the new info in my brain.
I’m not complaining though, really I mean that. For a bunch of really good reasons:
A – People with real jobs work this hard all the time. So fuck me for even thinking of complaining.
B – It was actually awesome, much of it was super fun, and I very proud of myself and my team for all the work we have done, and the quality of what we pulled off, and overall it is such a positive thing that today was the best day of my life initiative.
C – I’m thinking of not writing the word ‘initiative’ on these all the time, and maybe circulating in other words that I considered when originally crafting this project of mine – words like ‘project’ for example.
D - It’s a well known truth that the first member of a film crew to complain about their workload in a public forum will subsequently become subject to other members of their team reading said complaints and then showing up at the next scheduled work day with harsh, and biting reactions like ‘hey, I worked hard too you know’, ‘yeah it was a hard day wasn’t it’, and ‘that was fun last time aye, I mean it was a long day, but a fun one’ – and frankly I don’t think I could handle those types of insults coming my way anytime soon.
E - My brain is so fucking fried right now that the chances of me coming up with a coherent complaint are about as likely as charmony grolling fracking.
F – I mean seriously? ‘Charmony grolling fracking’, yeah right! I could imagine ‘charmanoy grailling fracking’ obviously, but I don’t think even the deepest of mole people penetrating science moguls would dare even mention the possibility of charmony grolling fracking, so let’s not get insane here people.
G – Or like ‘scheme’ – that’s another synonym for ‘initiative’ I think.
H – Wait I think I just thought of a coherent complaint – I am tired.
I – Oh fuck, I forgot about D, I am going to get it hard on set this week, fuck!
And now, having reached the end of a list of things, I bring you something different, a different list of things, this time things that work better than my brain right now:
- Magnets to help squirrels find their buried nuts.
- Balloon cushions to catch knives dropped from blimps.
- Whipped cream pants.
Oh also if they have changed the calendar I hope one of the months is now called ‘enterprise’ – yep it’s another synonym for initiative! Yay. I think.
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