Friday, February 5, 2016

BreakingNews - Sociopath mistakenly called a psychopath

Tragedy today as a 'sociopath' named Ridge - while attempting to do nothing more than go about his everyday, routine, antisocial, mean spirited and miscreant like daily errands - was horrifically, cruelly, ludicrously and completely incorrectly mislabeled a 'psychopath' by a passing victim of one his activities. 

Ridge responded by completely and utterly freaking out, running around like a madman, screaming like a lunatic, burping like a maniac and ultimately having an explosion of unhinged, schizoid like craziness of such extremity that he accidentally briefly stopped being a sociopath, in fact he slipped off the 'path' altogether!  

Off the path Ridge was shocked to discover raw untouched nature - and with it calmness, enlightenment, freedom, serenity and hope. This of course freaked him out even further. So he yelled at a frog, slapped a tree limb, looked oddly at a hippy, licked a mongoose without first asking it's permission, and told a wild flower that to him it smelled like 'a god damn mass produced FARM flower, take THAT!'

All things that he immediately recognized as far more becoming of  a typical 'donkey brained monkey' than a sociopath. 

With his identity now clearly completely lost to him Ridge went on to dedicate the past six months of his life to helping the needy. Where he has been praised for his hard work and dedication. It's been a very eventful day for him. 

The man who casually (like he didn't even fucking care) just threw out a label on someone he didn't even fucking know was released from the hospital after only twelve hours and told that the remaining egg shell fragments still deeply imbedded in his skin would work their way out on their own within a year at the latest. He's yet to apologize, or even show a hint of remorse for his haphazard and unnecessary altering of the entire existence of someone else's life with this uncalled for labeling. 

When asked how they felt about this lack of remorse by this man against someone he didn't even know, a stranger we found on the street, who knew nothing of the incident other than what I've told you, was quoted as saying 'what a piece of fuckwad flavored shit, the guys a god damn psycho'.

And I think we can all agree with that. 

Please note: 

- The wildflower is being treated with state funded psychotherapy, and some anti-anxiety prescription medication and is expected to make an almost full recovery. 
- The mongoose and the frog are now dating and hoping to have at least a thousand babies, or tadmons, by the end of the month. 
- Neither the hippy nor the tree limb could be reached for comment, and of course we all pray neither of them ate the other one, or worse they ate each other, although if they did we hope they did without the need for name calling, that stuffs mean man.