Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Make me such and such!!!!

If Conan goes to fox he'll need a show after him so he can say 'stay tuned for such and such' I say MAKE ME SUCH AND SUCH!

Who's with me?

I'm serious here, its time for an unknown nutball to get a show, so my campaign starts right here (or on that other post I did yesterday to ask for this), and here I am stepping it up, this is serious -

If I get a network talk show, on episode one - I will get a vasectomy ON CAMERA!!!!

Holy ball slice.

Spread the word!!!

So much sex!!!!! Stupid bike.

I have this big pile of books in my room, most of them I've read, but then an offshoot of unread books which I pick at when in need of something to read. Just now I went to do 33 minutes on the bike in my Gym and I didn't have anything to read so I grabbed a book which was a collection of blogs from a girl who described herself as having a one track mind and wanted to write about it for a year.

I bought this a few years ago when I wrote a blog called 'Man in the city' a delightful romp through my own far less than successful sexual experienced.

Fuck me, I just realized I am about to write a blog which is pouring out of my sub-conscience 'you know you haven't been laid in a while' reserves. I used to write these all the time, poorly veiled attempts to get sympathy for not getting laid, with a hope girls want to fuck guys they feel sorry for.

Anyway, point is, I hate these fucking books, because as usual this one went like this 'I don't know whats wrong with me, I went out last night and only seven guys tried to get in my pants, I know I'm a bit fat, but I'm not like ugly ugly, so what's wrong with me?'

Fuck off.

Ok so the idea was to tell you this then randomly select a blog to re-post from the old MATC, so I just went and looked in there and its all cliche bullshit and me whining and depressing shit. Screw that.

Instead check this out:


The thing I like about prostitutes is that most of them are willing to have sex with you if you offer them money. The thing I don’t like about prostitutes is that if you offer these same women the same money to clean your house, few of them will do so – which makes me suspect that some of these whores are kind of slutty, and I don’t like slutty women


Aaaaahhh, thats better.

So I turn 33 on Monday. Fuck me. you only have a birthday with the same two digits every 11 years, feels like that should mean something other than an excuse to feel really old! I am hoping to spend that day on a plane to LA, but not sure otherwise. I feel like I should do something fucked up and crazy, which is usually my forte but I am forming a blank right now, any suggestions.

By the way it turns out that 33 minutes on an exercise bike is stupid.

The late night talk show war SOLUTION

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSIrnJmKP50

Give me a talk show!!!! Simple. Here is a sample of one of the many show formats I can pitch to them. Can we start a give Dave 'Jetlag' Tieck a show petition, and does anyone know five million people you can get to sign it. I'm happy to go on at 1am too!!!