Thursday, January 1, 2015

Weaving the Best Day of my Life - The absence of silence

Have you guys heard of those needles that are used for knitting? 'Knitting needles' I think they're called. They're like needle in nature and design and when used correctly (or as intended by their inventor, patent owner, manufacturer, distributor, retailer, purchaser, and the inventer, patent holder, manufacturer, distributor, retailer and purchaser of wool, yarn, thread, sheep and other products that exist solely to be aid the use of these needle in nature products) then they are used for knitting. As in like for sweaters, socks, onesies, napsacks, scarves, coffee cozies, tree cozies, tootsie cozies, muffler cozies, cozies double cozies, and Eskimo, 'wow it's warm out today, comparative to normal that is, so only a hundred or so below freezing, depending on whether we're in metric or imperial, are we in the U.S or Canada? I can never remember. Anyway, might not wear the walrus carcass today, hand me a 100 woolen knitted things instead'. You know needles for knitting? Yeah I'm pretty sure they're called 'knitting needles'. Did I say that already?

Well this blog is nothing like those at all. Because, and I don't know if you know this, but the 'k' in 'knitting' is silent, which is stupid, and I don't do stupid. Plus if I talk about knitting needles any longer I'll end up making a crude backyard abortion joke, which may upset some people, you know cause some people can't afford houses with backyards, and socioeconomic disparity is no laughing matter.

The point is it's really warm and muggy here in Sydney, which is a whether pattern I enjoy, cause I do not even need to contemplate knit ware, which makes today the best day of my life.

'Knit ware', by the way, if you don't know, is 'ware' that's been 'knitted'. It's made with something that's a kind of needle, that are made for something called 'knitting'. I think they may be called 'knitting needles'.....

The best day of my life gumption – woah

Hello everybody, every soul, every imagination and all the other parts of the people that are here today. To be honest I quite like it when people read my blog using only their soul, sure they look really ‘troubled’ I guess you would say, while putting themselves through the extreme physical ordeal requited to hand the entire control of the body over to their soul, and sure it almost always results in puss weirdly oozing out of all most every orifice in their body, on their body? Wait isn’t an orifice by definition in and out? Man the body is weird; gross really. I need a break from mine briefly, so I am going to hand mine over to my soul for a moment.


Ok, I am back. Just wiped myself down, pink puss today, wow, that was exciting. Anyway, as I was saying, I like when people read my blog using only their souls, it’s a little disturbing to watch, but the gibberish they let out while doing so always gives a weird clue into what they last had secretly mixed into their soup by a waiter or waitress for being rude.

I of course never even have to look at the gibberish I say during my own transformations as I am never, ever rude to a waiter or waitress ever. In fact just this evening I gave a waiter an excellent tip, even though I am in Australia where tipping isn’t common, and even though he overcharged us for drinks. Oh plus we didn’t even have soup. What kind of idiot orders soup in a restaurant, don’t you know those are often full of weird gross stuff secretly mixed in by pissed off wait staff?

I also lost my car in the carpark for quite an extremely embarrassing amount of time. It took a good 20 minutes, lots of walking, and two reentrances into the mall to reconvene to find it. And I am proud to say I just laughed my way through it. I also said ‘woah’ four times today!! Four!!! It was the best day of my life.