For sixth months now he'd been living in The Gothic House, or 'Monster Caslte' as it was known to locals.
This was the dog-house sized medieval castle within Tovella Fountains.
Located in Killkenny Park, in Danga Danga, New South Wales Australia.
It was known as 'Monster Castle' not because of the gargoyles that anointed it, but for the fact teenagers used to trick younger kids into climbing inside to 'see a monster' only to often find themselves walking in on a 'circle jerk' session by the local football team.
All in all the town were largely happy with how they'd spent their entire millienum arts budget.
Tourists did flock by to see it in numbers occasionally reaching double figures a year.
And after the bank of port-a-loos were installed adjacent to it, it now was only urinated in a dozen or so times a day.
Wally cared not for any of that though.
The football players had stopped coming by to watch each other jerk off after he had discovered the funnel-web spiders nest and trained the babies to be his penis charging army.
And the teenagers had stopped tricking younger kids to go in there after Wally had built a shield made from the peeling testicle skin of dying football players.
And so now all that he needed was for 'Heltro - The Magic Wizard Warlock' to show up.
He'd been promised by his uncle Johnson that if he moved into the castle Heltro would show.
No time frame was given at the time, but Wally had begun to have doubts after four months.
And now six months in those doubts had evaporated and formed into a cloud, that now rained a feeling of foolishness on him.
Wally no longer believed that Heltro would show.
But leaving without seeing him was a failure he couldn't face quite yet.
How would he explain what he'd been doing all this time with no end result to point towards?
His attempts to think of a saving face solution were also a failure.
He was instead becoming bitter.
At the town.
At the fountain.
At Heltro.
But mostly at his uncle Johnson who had made this promise.
Wally knew he should never have trusted him.
He didn't have an uncle Johnson for starters.
Plus uncle Johnson was a sheep, and as far as he knew he didn't have sheep in his family tree.
Although his Nanna Gretna had looked a little Marinoesq in her last few years.
He carried around a handkerchief knitted from her chin hairs to remember her.
Now that he thought about it the first time he'd seen uncle Johnson was when he had that flu, and was pumping himself full of meds and blowing his nose like crazy into Nanna Gretna's handkerchief.
Maybe this was all Nanna Gretna's fault?
'Oh screw this' he thought.
'I only wanted Heltro to show so I could ask him to send a message to Nanna Gretna'
'But THIS is how she repays me?'
Right then and there Wally threw his handkerchief out the window, where it flew like a Frisbee, and then lodged itself in a tree like a ninja star.
A bird came and perched on it.
Then immediately puked.
And Wally finally left 'Monster Castle' cursing under his breath 'fuck you Nanna, you sweet old cunt'.
On his way out he tripped on his twelve inch toenails.
And suffocated in a massive puddle of years old football player splooge.
