Monday, May 4, 2015
'The envelope is full of mystery' she said. And truer words HAD never been said. Not because of what she literally said of course. There was a letter to the editor in there. No fucking mystery there. Those are pretty standard things.
- Prominent person claims that we need more helmets in jousting competitions.
- Equally prominent person, says 'no, it's spinal injuries not skull injuries you fool'
- Slightly more prominent person says 'but what about the cost you idiots?'
- Epically prominent monkey says 'you know that it's clear that it's the joust wounds to the chest that kill 99% of jousters right?'
- Politician says 'I'll fund the helmets with a joust tax you retards.'
- Child molester writes a letter to the editor complaining about cameras at playgrounds.
No there was no mystery at all. That's not why truer words had never been said. It we what she had figuratively said that mattered of course.
I mean learn to use email you assholes, it's not that hard.
No one has ever died of armpit aerobics.
Because that didn't exist till I invented it right now!
Which means if someone dies of it soon it'll be MY fault.
Holy fucking shit eating fuck balls.
I'm not built for this type of pressure.
Inventing stuff sucks.
Plus armpit aerobics?
Ewwww. Whoever came up with that is obviously a fucking psycho.
YOUVE BEEN POETRYIFIED!