Got shot in the stomach? Just rub mayonnaise onto the wound to let the doctors know you probably deserved to be shot.
Want an interesting, admirable in effort and yet ultimately failing way to prove that you rarely sail? Just eat an enormous garbage bag full of dried leaves. Frequent sailers only do that on special occasions at best.
Want to prove that your fear of horns is in direct contrast to your time-machine building skills? Just publicly head-butt a tyrannosaurus.