Wednesday, September 11, 2019

Lips - A Poem

Michael smiled as the condor chewed off his lips 
He’d learn to regret that 
At the next
“Smile if you’d like to train condors to not chew off lips” meeting 

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

No way

Wait (ha ha) just a god dang minute. I just heard a rumor, and I’m sure it’s  just a rumor, but your know the ol’ sayin’ “it a rumor it be, then truly, I’m not joking buddy, getting stung from a bee f’n hurts dick” and I’ve BEEN stung from
a bee, and BY a bee, so I believe this shit. So the rumor my friends is this - Elephants remember at least the occasional thing somethings

“No way” I hear you yell.
“It’s a rumor” I reply.

Now. See that beehive? The one over there? Want to insert it into your urethra?

No you don’t!

The lesson is clear.

Elephants are MORE than anyone has ever imagined before. This isn’t the end of this. You can be sure of that. (Ha Ha) God dang right it isn’t...

Saturday, June 29, 2019

Waity issues

Wow. That’s all I can say. 

And by “all” I mean “just the start”. Which is almost always what people mean when they say “that’s all I can say”. Isn’t that fucked? If we’re all lying about that, then what else are we lying about? 

- Our weight?
- The likely wait time before your product is back in store?
- What the Wights in GoT were waiting to weigh, should scales eventually be invented, assuming they hadn’t yet been? 

Fuck that. That’s not the world I want to live in. A world of LIES! 

Luckily I don’t live in that world. I live in a word with elephants. And Hell Yeah, that’s ace. 

Yesterday we talked about elephants and about how they’re great, and we promised that was that. But it turns out that WASN’T that. Shockingly there was more to the story. 

That’s right, today I’ve learned even more great things about them, and by them I mean elephants, and by learned I mean remembered, and by remembered I mean recalled the time I personally observed and philosophized on these important elephant things excessively enough to form strong, intelligent, and unique opinions on. 

Things like.. 

- Elephants, Hell Yeah, they’re great! 
- How great? 
- REALLY great, that’s how great. 

So that the end of it now for sure. 

To sum up

- Elephants are DEFINITELY great. 
- If you’re lying about how long the wait is for someone’s product to be back in store then it’s probably not because scales have yet to be invented.  

Boom. Case closed. 

Friday, June 28, 2019

Grey Matter

Hello everyone,

Random unimportant and mostly irrelevant post from Fleeting Forever CEO Dave Tieck here. But, something occurred to me just now, and it's something that few have probably thought, or will ever think, or will ever have the foresight ro think - which sucks, and is shit, and possibly even sucks shit. But I don't want to even think that, because fuck that, but also do not fuck this, because this matters, for now, but probably not in a way that will grow over the coming days...

Elephants, yeah man, how good are elephants?

Yep. That's it. I am positive this will be the end of this matter. A truth has been told. That's rad. Hell yeah it is. And that's a small, yet profound truth, we can ALL enjoy.

Just to reiterate...

Elephants, yeah man, how good are elephants?

Hell to the fuck YEAH!

Idea postured.

Idea debated.

Idea DONE.

That's the world I want to live in.

And that's the world I DO live in. A world we all live in. A world which has elephants. And if you ask me, and I assume you do, then this is the only answer I will ever give...

Elephants, yeah man, how good are elephants?

Hell to the fuck, to the oh mother fuckin' yeah!

That's the end of that awesome chapter... 

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

The Bog - A Poem

‘Wow, that stinks so bad it could melt a tool shed’
Thought Dave, to himself, after taking a particularly smelly bog. 
Then he spent a full fifteen minutes pondering upon why on earth a melting tool shed had popped into his mind.
And what would a tool shed melting look like. 
And why on earth was he STILL sitting on the toilet. 
Then he wasted another ten minutes writing this down. 
And missed the end of the show he was watching. 
It was really shit. 
Or bog. 
Why isn’t that a term by the way? 
“Have you seen that new movie”
“What did you think?” 
“I thought it was bog” 
That’s awesome.
I’m totally going to start using that. 

Friday, May 31, 2019

One of THOSE days, man

One of THOSE days man - with Guest blogger - “Two handed” Jimmy McYeep

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re just like “oh man, oh hell yeah man, if I had a bus man, woah, the things I would do! Man” 

You know those days? 

Cause man. Oh, um fuck yes man, yep, I’m having one of those days man, and if you’re one of those people who’ve had a day like that man, then you know it dude, you know it don’t ya? It’s fuckin’ rad man. It’s full on rad like a hat in the wind that’s your size on a day where the wind is your speed in a town where it’s a no hat no service type of vibe, and the kites that are a’flyin are telling ya that the speed of wind thats blowin’, well that’s your speed of wind, and it is flyin’ high my friends, so this is your type of town, and you’ll get that service if ya want it, but you don’t know if ya do, because the wind in question hasn’t told you WHAT it is blowin’, now has is man? 

Yep, it’s rad I’m telling ya. I’m beaming. You’ve been here right? Wow a day where I get to dream about a day where I might have a bus one day, man, that’s the dream man! 

There’s so much going through my mind right now. Just so much man. Like...

- what kind of bus would it be if I had a bus? 
- would it be any color I wanted? And if not could I paint it man? 
- would it have lots of seats? 
- or lots of space seats may have been at some point? 
- or might STILL be one day?
- oh hell yeah man? 

And that’s just the start dude. I means maybe it’s even before the start man, because that’s not where the joy ends man, no way that’s where it ends, the end is far out in the distance, like a horizon that can’t be seen because of the carnival of joy that’s descending towards the cliff face of fun, and you know you’re gonna get to ride the rollercoaster right off that cliff man, because your daddy owns a piece of the pie in the pie store that’s sponsoring the cow competition and those are benefits you can take to the bank, with the chance to walk right up to the manager and say, I get service today, because see this hat, it blew in just like I said it would man! That’s how far from the end we are man, because this rad journey of awesome times has barely even begun man, and if you’ve had one of those days man, you know the other part of the joy wave I’m surfin’ to the pie shop man, I’m surfin’ a swelling pride of also getting to imagine what I’d DO with said bus if I ever got to have one man, things like...

- wonder who chose this chair configuration? 
- think about how much paint it would take to paint it a different color should there be a color I’d prefer enough to climb off my high horse and trek down to the paint store and jump off my high horse and unleash my paint purchasing skills to the levels of aplomb I’m most capable of, man, regardless of horse size?
- Consider drivin’ it somewhere? 
- The bus that is, man. 
- Consider NOT drivin’ it somewhere?
- The horse OR bus that is man?
- Regardless of height of either? 

Hell to the yeah down by the beach side kite store man. The possibilities are ENDLESS. Endless like a Pandora’s box of pent up bath tub scum around the edges of a well worn magic chest of hope that you’re holding up high man, in both hands, or maybe even only one hand man, I’m not judgmental. Who could be judgmental on a day like this dude, cause I’m having one of those days man. 

Yep one of THOSE days! 

Because oh man, oh hell yeah man, fuck yeah, I get to think about what I’d do if I one day had the chance to one day own a bus man. 

Fuck yes. 

I hope you’re having a rad day like this too man, or at least you’re flyin’ a kite or something, because rad days come in all sizes dude. Just like hats in the wind...

Also anyone want pie? If so, give us a buzz. I know a guy. 

Yours sincerely, 
“Two Handed” Jimmy McVeep

Friday, January 4, 2019

Fun fact

Fun fact: or as I prefer to say...

Enjoyment Truth: because enjoying stuff is rad, and every bit as good as having fun, and truth is like a fact that is real! And enjoying a fact that turns out to be real, means your enjoyment is real, and when your enjoyment is real, then dude, now we’re having fun. And who doesn’t want more fun? Check these folk out...

The second one is better right? Yes it is!

So hell yeah - here’s an enjoyment truth that will blow your mind: ready?

I bet ‘Sorry I’ve blanked on your name’ - would be a badass NAME to have! 


Now THAT was enjoyment truth that shits all over fun and factual shit. 

Cause think about it. Every single time there was an awkward running into of two acquaintances YOU would be the star of the show. 


Because they’d be all like ‘sorry I’ve blanked on your name’ 

And EVERYONE has awkward running intos with acquaintances from time to time. EVERYONE. 

That’s means. Yes yes. I know some of you are getting it already. Congrats if you’re one of them... but don’t feel bad if your not, even I’m not, and I’m writing this...

But that means 

EVERYONE will be talking about YOU (at least occasionally, in situations which are awkward).



Now you’re not just tasting success, but you ARE success. 

And I know what you’re thinking. ‘If I want to BE success, why don’t I just name myself ‘success’. 

Well I’ll give you three reasons why.

1. You don’t name yourself, your parents do.
2. You think everyone is talking about success? Ha ha. Hello Mr or Mrs Naive
3. Yep, that’s right, I just named you Mr or Mrs Naive. That’s your name now. Cause that’s how naming people works. 
4. What’s success if you can’t taste it, and if you’re tasting yourself you’re just a normal person, because your mouth is FULL of you. So yeah, if you’re tasting the yourself you’re just a filthy norm. And who wants to be a filthy norm? I wouldn’t even want to be a clean norm. And the only way to take a filthy norm and turn them into a clean norm is to douse them in monkey urine. And do you know how they acquire monkey urine? With a spatula. Um ‘spat’. Um ‘ula’. Um Gross. 
5. Except me. I want to be normal. And I think I’ve proven my normality with this blog.
6. I might even be the worlds MOST unique normal dude. 
7. Fuck yeah! 

So to sum up. Have you just been born or are thinking of being born soon? 

If so make sure to have your parents name you ‘sorry I’ve blanked on your name’. 

It’d be rad. 

The middle name and/ or surname are irrelevant by the way. Although I recommend ‘Meredith’, ‘Drew’, or ‘Queen of Scots’ for both. Depending on your feelings about Scots. And how you think you’d feel about Drew Barrymore marrying the fictional character Nancy Drews. Personally I’m all for it. But I’m just me. Well 99.9234% me, and 0.2145% the worlds leading mathematician. Obviously. 

Also if you know what success tastes like, can you please describe it for me, I’m thinking of starting a lollipop company, and I bet if we had that flavor we’d be rocking in no time! And by rocking I mean ‘enjoying truth’ and wow, that a fun fact I could take to the bank! (Or ATM, depending on YOUR definition of fun :) 

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Highway Robbery - A Poem

Here’s a poem. Which is awesome. Because poems are literature. Which is a word meaning ‘literally words’. And almost everything truly great ever said ever was said in words. Except all those rad speeches made by Mumbler The Great of Macedonia. Who everyone found super motivational, until the one day someone finally stood up and said ‘I’ll say it, I don’t know what he’s saying, do you?’ And everyone in the room let out a huge sigh of relief, followed by ‘I thought I was the only one’ collectively sighed by all present. And it was ON that bubble of air formed from that very collective sigh, that the first Hot Air ballon managed to reach the stratosphere for the first time, killing all on board, cause oxygen tanks hadn’t been invented yet. But it was those hero’s accidental death that in part LED to the invention of oxygen tanks. Yes. All because of words. 

Highway Robbery - A Poem 

Samantha, a future actuary, was literally born DURING a highway robbery. 
‘This is highway robbery’ yelled Samantha immediately after taking stock of the situation. 
‘Woah’ Said the highway robbers, well ghapsed, well, no that’s not right either. Um collectively sighed? No. They ‘woah’d’. That’s what you do when you woah. Why doesn’t that word properly exist yet literature? You dick. Well I’m making it happen. 
‘Woah’ they woah’d. Kapow!
As they lowered their guns.
And climbed off their horses.
‘She was just born this moment and she can already talk?’ They said in deep southern drawls. Southern being the most popular drawl of the era. Although apparently it would soon be misused in Macedonia for speeches. Which is why drawling is no longer popular now. 
‘You can have her for 10 gold bars’ replied Samantha’s mother. 
‘10 gold bars!’ They yelled, I mean drawled, loudly. 
‘TEN gold bars?’ They reintegrated. Having forgotten the word ‘reiterated’ momentarily.
‘Why that’s god damn a regular back road fair price!’ replied the highway robbers. 

It was an unsatisfactory conclusion for word play lovers everywhere. Some were so mad they called this whole endeavor highway robbery! Kapow! 

The end

 Thank you words.