Evil - A Poem

Kevin, a Personal Injury Lawyer, was sick of people thinking he was evil simply because he was a lawyer.

The constant anti-lawyer quips and jokes, snake analogies, the 'ambulance chaser' moniker, it had all worn him down.

It had gotten so bad that he was now without doubt in a deep and dangerous clinical depression, and living a life rife with insomnia, crying bouts and frequent thoughts of death. 

'You don't think I'm evil just because I'm a lawyer do you?' He said to Claire one day, with a quiver in his voice, and tears welling in his eyes.

Claire didn't know how to respond. 

She looked back into his eyes, for a moment. 

Then she timidly looked away, and began twiddling and fidgeting with her chains, before looking him back in the eyes and saying 'I can honestly say, from the heart, that in the entire fifteen years you've held me captive I've never once thought you were evil JUST because you're a lawyer'. 

And then... A poem

And then there were the soldier-crabs silent in the indignation at how the sandcastle opportunities were undermining the salvation scoundrels. 

And then there were the light mob outraged at the indecent need for holier than now majestic simpleton police.

And then there were the literalists who thought everything raised so far was bollocks and rubbish. 

And then there were the judges of the literalists who thought that the literalists should be barred from using such colonialisms as 'bollocks' and 'rubbish' although if they were honest, they were fine with 'rubbish' it was 'bollocks' that really bothered them.

And then there were the Scandinavians who, although they seemingly spoke excellent English, really struggled to understand what the hell 'bollocks' meant.

And there were the explainers who explained that 'bollocks' was slang for 'testicles' although also under the rules of slang variety could also mean such things as 'bullshit' or 'crap'.

And then there were the explainer's friends who were like 'I don't think that helps them at all, I mean "bullshit" and even "crap" are slang in their own regards.

And then there were the explainers again yelling at the explainer's friends with terms like 'well if you have a better way of explaining it then fucking use it fucktard'.

And then there were the PC police saying 'hey you can't say "retard" anymore'. 

And then once again there were the explainers saying 'I DIDN'T say "retard" you fucktard'.

And then there were the counters sating 'hey explainers, you've had multiple goes now, let the skim folk have a say'. 

And then there were the skim folk saying 'it's ok, no one knows what we represent anyway, and we'd hate to have to explain it'.

And then there were the explainers again saying acrimoniously 'oh, suddenly explainers are desired again'.

And then there were the counters saying 'I think you misinterpreted what the skim folk's real point of view was there'.

And there were the explainers saying 'oh look, who's had multiple turns now?'

And then there were the counters sating 'hey WE do the counting here'.

And then there were the explainers saying 'oh yeah, why, explain?'

And then there were the counters sating 'because we do the cou.. Hey you tricky motherfuckers. We see what you did there, you're the explainers

And then everyone laughed except the soldier-crabs who were all like 'fucking assholes, I thought WE were supposed to be the subject of this poem!'