Apologies, let’s get back to it...
Thursday, December 28, 2017
Apologies, let’s get back to it...
Tuesday, December 26, 2017
Great News: According to their ads, you ALWAYS see it first on channel 9 news.
Yep, that means the 99.99% of times you could have sworn you saw it first on the internet, you were merely having a severe psychotic episode, punctuated with vast and brilliantly accurate psychic visions. Congrats!
Friday, December 22, 2017
Thursday, December 21, 2017
'Can you give me an example'? Asked Jeff.
'Sure. I'll just do all the fucking work as usual!' Responded Cal, in what was clearly a far more tense than exciting exchange. And by that I mean epically tense, and only minusculely exciting. And by minusculely exciting I mean, not at ALL exciting, but hey, at least no one got lit on fire.
Then Cal lit Jeff on fire.
‘Well now you're just taking the piss, that's really unnecessary’ responded Jeff
‘Sorry dude, I just hate when narrators take liberty, it’s just not their place, you know?’ Said Cal.
‘I do Cal, I do’ replied Jeff. And then they hugged, which put the fire mostly out.
The bit of fire NOT put out burned for another twenty years. Within seven years it had became Holman County’s fifth most visited ‘human on fire’ based tourist attraction. Which helped the town, or at least soften the blow, from their ‘dildo factory on fire’ based financial AND ridicule based issues. I mean who’s idea was it to make dildos out of ground up Christmas lights anyway?
The point is, so yeah! Uh huh. That’s right. STILL want to hate on narrators you small county hating dicks?
Saturday, November 25, 2017
Thursday, July 6, 2017
'I'm not sure if TOO many gullies are named after ferns. Or not enough are named after bastard children of cave dwelling hypoglycemia smelling souls of leather shoes. But either way. STOP IT!'
Everyone here at the show wishes you the best in dealing with this news.
PS. We don't fucking know how the gnats got slightly too much access, do we look like we're in fucking in charge of coffers?
PPS. Sorry again. A gnat had a gun to our heads and made us say that.
PPPS. Still makes you think right? And that's something I think we can ALL think about.
Thursday, June 29, 2017
Her soul slippery...
Her clothes made of porcupine inards...
Where the porcupine outards were who could tell?
It would explain why she sporadically experienced uncontrollable seizures which in part manifested themselves in the haphazard shooting of blood covered porcupine quills from her neck...
But it wouldn't explain why anyone would dress in porcupine innards and consume porcupine outards, now would it?
Unless of course she was worried about blood covered porcupine quills shooting INTO her neck!
And who the hell isn't?
Yes she was a shrewd one this one...
Not much of a looker...
A tad full of holes and covered in blood for my taste...
Perhaps that's just the price one must pay...
For a sweet, sweet porcupine innard outfit inspired wet smile.
Thursday, June 15, 2017
Pinky-Von-Sox and the Cave of Squawking Mumbles
His voice was excited, warm, joyful, friendly, voicelely, seemingly defecating delight in a way which bathed the third eye, and yet I still knew exactly what he meant. This was Leaves. That meant by ‘an adventure’, Leaves meant he wanted to go out somewhere local do something violently unadventurous.
‘Your mother slaves in the kitchen all day to serve those flies for you, stop being so ungrateful you little shit!’ his dad screamed in response.
Thursday, June 8, 2017
My plan was all set to go, I just had to find a spot on this rocky cliff edge on the side of this rocky mountain without a rock, which turned out to be actually slightly challenging, and before I’d succeeded, I'd too seen the cave entrance.
However the engraving on the plaque could not have been more clear:
So slowly that it was fast, fast like a freight train, or maybe some sort of fast machinery, like a robotic tree trunk flinging catapult. That’s a thing right? Flinging wood and stuff. That’s pretty cool. Only this flinging tree speed was slow. So slow it was like a whisper. A mumbled whisper.
Friday, May 12, 2017
This is the show where we're intrigued by things, oh hell yeah we're intrigued, intrigued by all SORTS of things, but especially awesome things, and especially, especially the things that are SO awesome they'll last forever! Or even the things that are so awesome that we love them in the fleeting moment that we encounter them. So to make it clear, are we intrigued by things that are either fleeting or lasting forever? Hell yeah we are!
On today's show - we're intrigued by the seemingly invisible yet in hindsight obviously purple glow let out by the amazement found in a realization of glee. Which means, you know what time it is? It's time to play another exciting game of - IS THAT A THE SEEMINGLY INVISIBLE YET IN HINDSIGHT OBVIOUSLY PURPLE GLOW LET OUT BY THE AMAZEMENT FOUND IN THE REALIZATION OF GLEE?'
'Is it a shoe?'
'Then it's NOT the seemingly invisible yet in hindsight obviously purple glow let out by the amazement found in a realization of glee'.
We've just played - IS THAT IS THAT A THE SEEMINGLY INVISIBLE YET IN HINDSIGHT OBVIOUSLY PURPLE GLOW LET OUT BY THE AMAZEMENT FOUND IN THE REALIZATION OF GLEE?'
Join us again next time where will we see if we can be intrigued by 'things making at least some sense?'
Hell Yeah we might be. Also monkey cryogenic gum trail!
Thanks for joining us. Cya then.
Thursday, May 11, 2017
The jeannie is out of the bottle and she has a whole lot of being cooped up to shake from her noggin' so she's gonna dance till the caps of the highest knees touch the ice crisp sky
Monday, April 17, 2017
But he wasn't pissed off for any illogical reasons.
No fucking way.
Illogic was for fucking assholes.
And he was NOT an asshole.
Fuck you if you even thought he was.
But he WAS pissed off.
And the reason he was pissed off was because his parents had named him 'Illogically illegitimate'.
Which obviously was annoying as being an 'i' name both first and last, meant that no matter which way the alphabetical order was administrated he'd end up middling.
Plus he found math weird.
I mean if 2 + 2 was 4 then how come there were always at least 7 barnyard animals in his parents illuminate orgies?
And also why do icebergs not get frost bite? Or frost lung? Or even black lung? Are they racist?
And also if he was pissed off then how come iceberg lettuce was calm?
Yep, the man was definitely pissed off. In retrospect it was actually probably mostly from seeing that mule do 'it' to his mother.
And by 'it' I mean tell her she'd be kicked out of the illuminate if she didn't get her kid naming skills up to scratch.
Which he obviously said to her while fornicating with a candle medley shaped like a pentagram.
And if that's not logical then how come lettuce rarely holds press conferences to talk about recent changes in coal mine straw testing parties?
You know what, let's take some questions now, wait, how should we do this, um, I no, let's go alphabetically.
Aaron Zelcher, you're up first!