The man was pissed off.
But he wasn't pissed off for any illogical reasons.
No fucking way.
Illogic was for fucking assholes.
And he was NOT an asshole.
Fuck you if you even thought he was.
But he WAS pissed off.
And the reason he was pissed off was because his parents had named him 'Illogically illegitimate'.
Which obviously was annoying as being an 'i' name both first and last, meant that no matter which way the alphabetical order was administrated he'd end up middling.
Plus he found math weird.
I mean if 2 + 2 was 4 then how come there were always at least 7 barnyard animals in his parents illuminate orgies?
And also why do icebergs not get frost bite? Or frost lung? Or even black lung? Are they racist?
And also if he was pissed off then how come iceberg lettuce was calm?
Yep, the man was definitely pissed off. In retrospect it was actually probably mostly from seeing that mule do 'it' to his mother.
And by 'it' I mean tell her she'd be kicked out of the illuminate if she didn't get her kid naming skills up to scratch.
Which he obviously said to her while fornicating with a candle medley shaped like a pentagram.
And if that's not logical then how come lettuce rarely holds press conferences to talk about recent changes in coal mine straw testing parties?
You know what, let's take some questions now, wait, how should we do this, um, I no, let's go alphabetically.
Aaron Zelcher, you're up first!