Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Lightly sparkling brilliance

Today is the best day of my life, because I was just buying a bottle of lightly sparkling water! I know, awesome story right? It's got everything you need to make a story great. 

- intrigue. Where did I buy it? How much did it cost? Did I buy it to quench my thirst? To add spark to my my next water-pistol war? To bless into holy water to pour on the graves of my recently slaughtered enemies? To spray after my next win in a formula one motor vehicle race so as to stop the waste of champagne? To quench someone else's thirst? Where did I buy it? The intrigue is endless. 
- Characters. Me? Possibly even someone else? Unless I bought it from a vending machine, but even then I may have had to wait in line, or ask someone to break a five? But what type of person would I choose to ask? The number of potential characters, and therefore personalities involved are endless. 
- Time pressure. I 'just' bought it. Why now? Why not 24 minutes ago? Why not an hour from now? The time frame this story could unfold in is riveting. 

So good story? Hell Yeah it's a good story. 

But it gets even better. The bottle I got has a fancy floral design and a lady saw me buy it and said. 

'What's that'? And I replied 'Lightly sparkling water' and then she immediately went and bought one too. 

It's taking off people. This could spread around the world. Who knows how far and to how many people this could spread to. The Queen of England? The president of the United States? The dude with the sourpuss face sitting with the lady who copied me? Wow! 

Can't wait to hear all your stories as it hits your part of the world. Have a great day everyone! Now I'm off to drink my lightly sparkling water. But how? From the bottle? With a straw? By osmosis? This story can't stop getting better! 

Clear and convenient

Today was the best day of my life, even though I didn’t do a single thing for the fourth time today. I did several things for the third time, two things for the sixth time, and one thing for the first time, which was a little on the nose if you ask me. Question’s being something I only permit twice per visit per friend, so did you really want to ask that?

Now I know what you’re thinking – you have a few questions, and I am happy to answer any and all questions with clear and honest answers.

Q - Why does it matter if you did something for the fourth time?

A - It doesn’t matter. I never said that it did. I merely said that I didn’t do anything for the fourth time today. In fact I have now said that twice.

Q – If it doesn’t matter then why raise it at all, let alone twice?

A – I also said I only answer two questions per friend per visit and one of them was about whether that other thing was on the nose. I never told you to waste your questions.

Q – If that was one of my questions then why wasn’t it broken up into a convenient and clear Q&A format?

A – I’m sorry, that’s another question, and I can’t answer more than two questions per friend per visit.

Q – Well you should have put the first question in a clear and convenient Q&A format!

A – Awesome, that was framed as a statement not a question, good for you, but unfortunately it was put right after a Q, within my clear and convenient Q&A format, you really should save your statements for a statement section.

Q – But you just made a statement, and you’re in the convenient and clear Q&A format too!

A – Ahh but you can make statements in the answer section. In fact to answer a question with a question would make a mockery of the clear and convenient Q&A format.

Q – Ahhh HAH! You answered another question!

A – No I didn’t, yours was a statement, not a question.

Q – But it was after a Q, in the convenient and clear Q&A format.

A – Oh fuck.

Q – You did it again.

A – Oh shit, you’re right. That’s the fourth time I’ve been tricked today. Wait a minute – I did something for the forth time. Yaaayy.

Q – It doesn’t count if it’s in the convenient and clear Q&A format.


A – Oh fuck you, you stickler for rules. Stop being a dick.