Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Stick Your Neck Out On - Number 8

Consider this...

It’s cold outside. Rain is falling, a full moon is shining, and wind is blowing. But you’re fine with rain, you’re sweet with the moon, and you’re a-ok with wind, but you don’t like cold. Not one little bit. 

“Shiver” you think with your body when you think about it.

So you're not going outside tonight. No way. It's a night inside for you. 

But then a series of events happens - first rain fucks up the TV arial, and then the moon shines on your wifi machine so dang hard that it breaks, and THEN the wind blows all your books out the window!

Suddenly you're inside - with NOTHING to DO!


Well fear not - at least fear not if you can satisfy these two criteria:

1. You have a neck 
2. You have checked out our number 8 list choice for this years best of the best of list of the year, list. 

That's right we are turning to - neckpod.gov.uk.org - and their truly wonderful end of year list....

2021’s Top 8 Things That Are Fun To Do With Your Neck Other Than, You know, Use It To Turn And Look At Stuff!

I mean we all knew that 2021 was a beak through year in neck usage fun - but we had no idea HOW great a year it was till we read this list!

This list was so great that we’re going to put our OWN necks on the line, and reproduce the list right here. So here they are...

2021’s Top 8 Things That Are Fun To Do With Your Neck Other Than, You know, Use It To Turn And Look At Stuff!

8. Try and see if you can lick your own neck. (You tried didn’t you - ha ha - hardly anyone can lick their own neck idiot). 

7. Play a rousing game of You've Been Neck Slapped - heres how you play...

- First, go up to someone and then slap your own neck 
- and when they respond "no I haven't" 
- you should then go "Oh, explain"
 - at this point they will say "it was you who slapped your neck, that means YOU'VE been neck slapped" 
- and then you can go "So what would it require for YOU to be neck slapped?" 
- and when they say "it would require ME to be neck slapped" 
- Then you can go "I don't get it" 
- And then they, in a fit of anger and frustration, will start slapping their own neck while yelling "this, this, this is ME being neck slapped, okay, do you get it now?" 
- Now you can tweet online "I've just played a rousing game of - You've Been Neck Slapped" woo hooooo! 

6. Eat some sharp pointy spears. Now start a gambling racket betting on which side of your neck the sharp pointy bit will first stick out of - (Hint if you can get the sharp pointy bit AND the feathery bit on the end, to BOTH come out the same bit of your neck - then you are going to win some big money my friend). 

5. Scratch it (this one is most fun if it's itchy. If your not itchy we can recommend a variety or plants and/ or a swarm of Ecuadorian Sweat Mosquitos to drum up some itch. If you can't sweat we recommend buying some black market sweat to encourage the Mosquitos).  

4. Wonder how life would be different if instead of a neck people had a Simon and Garfunkel album between their mouth and torso. Now wonder how Simon And Garfunkel would be different if instead of albums they sold necks! Now pitch the second one as a bio-pic in the vein of Rocket Man and Bohemian Rhapsody - I BAGS PLAYING GARFUNKEL! 

3. Draw scenes from the Old West on your neck - now look in the mirror and spin - YOU'VE JUST MADE THE OLD HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STUDIO SYSTEM DEFUNCT - woo hoo - finally!

2. Neck - more like NECK - yeah that's right - more like itself - you've just invented SEQUELS! 

And the number one thing of 2021 that is fun to do with your neck, other than use it to turn and look at stuff, was....

1. Mongolian throat singing - nope - Mongolian NECK singing! 

Once again Congratulations to neckpod.gov.uk.org for their wonderful list and also for making it to number 8 on Fleeting Forever's best of the best of lists of the 2021. 

Join us again tomorrow for number 7 - will 7 be heaven? Nope, heaven once again failed to make a single Best Of list this year, what a fucking pile of steaming shit - is there good stuff up there or not? And if so, put it in list form dang it - its the easiest way to rank shit! 

Still, what WILL be seven, will be pretty dang great, maybe even just maybe, a little slice of heaven. 

Ps. Don't worry,  we didn't really put our neck on the line, we have permission from, neckpod.gov.uk.org, their computer servers have been OUT OF CONTROL with the success of this list. And as a result their website keeps crashing, so they are more than happy to have another copy of their wonderful list here on this blog - the ONLY blog that has gone through each and every one of the 2021's Best of Lists, and then is offering to you, the reader, a list of the best of the best of lists of the year, a list.

Pps. If it turned out that you COULD lick your own neck, please get in touch with neckpod.gov.uk.org - they have an offer you are going to want to hear. 

Ppps - I want to start a band called Neck Slapped - no no a DANCE called the neck slap - wait, written and performed by the band - Neck Slapped! YES. Please call me if you can play slap bass guitar with your neck. 

Pppps - Simon and Gardefunkel more like it! Am I right? 

                                                                       A Neck