Monday, March 7, 2016
I know what you're thinking...
"Dave, I'm constantly being challenged to 'Make A Milkshake Out Of One Of Your Old Shoes' competitions, but I'm just too scared to enter, because they seem so hard to win, help please?"
And you're right, you SHOULD be scared, you're life is on the line! Always! I mean just think about meteorites, ALWAYS think about meteorites. Fact - no one that's ever been killed by a meteorite has since gone on to say 'and it was funny, because I was thinking about meteorites AS it hit me'. Not one.
And you SHOULD think in question form. Fact - if you think exclusively in questions then by definition you will be unable to answer anything and therefore you will never be wrong again, except maybe about choices in friends, I mean seriously? Harry? That dick NEVER thinks about meteorites.
And you're questions SHOULD be addressed to me. Fact - I'm ace.
So I'm proud of you. You're doing great.
But you're still an idiot. Because 'Make A Milkshake Out Of One Of Your Old Shoes' competitions are fucking EASY to win. You morons.
You just have to go back in time and spend a few months wearing shoes made out of milk.
Ps. For more information about how to avoid being hit by meteorites buy my book - How To Avoid Being Hit By Meteorites (Advice From Someone You Can Trust Cause He's Been Hit By Less Than Three Meteorites, Or More Precisely Two) By David Tieck, available now at all your favorite meteorite themed Cafe Bookstores (exclusively in the Southern Hemisphere).
Whoops, just gave away another of the tricks - stay in the Southern Hemisphere, I mean duh, they come from UP you morons.