Friday, March 20, 2015

Swarming Backfireless Tadpoles

I feel like people don't hobnob as much as they used to. 

Hob? Sure. People hob all the time. Everywhere you go you hear people say 'wanna hob with me tonight' and the reply is always 'YYYYYEEEEEESSSSS!' Which is always said so loud that people for blocks in every direction know that a hob adventure is about to begin. Some get inspired and start their own plans to hob, others use it as an excuse to get upset with their partner or friends 'you haven't taken me to hob for days, you worthless piece of shit'. 

Yes when a hob is in the air joy spreads like a locust storm where we humans are the frogs ready to eat locusts till we're so full we nap for days missing our tadpoles first day with legs, and decide to make up for it we'll just make more tadpoles, leading to a future swarm of frogs, ready to be eaten by foxes, who get high on the toxins and finally find the courage to demonstrate their beautiful skill of being sly. 

Some people even take it further and hobble. Especially if you knee them in the groin. 

Nob? People nob all the time. Damn straight they do. People nob like the clappers, which is interesting because when you nob well the response you get IS clapping. As in applause. Sometimes even by foxes, at least those not all high on frog guts. 

Half the people you meet even ARE nobs. So much so they can't even spell knob. Which is spelled that way because the rich and the powerful in the 1600s made a super wise decision to make some things unnecessarily difficult knowing that if they kept teenagers in school learning non-sensesical crap those brats would have less time to notice (and therefore tease) them due to the lack of the invention of the razor meaning even the rich guys wives had hairy underarms. 

Of course this also kept potential inventors of the razor instead wasting their time learning non-sensical crap, but that's the flaw of fact, and the term 'well that backfired you tool' hadn't been invented yet because so far tools had proven mostly useful. 

To sum up - hob? Yes. Nob? Regularly. But when was the last time you heard the cool kids praise, or for that matter saw a movie or listened to a song, where hobnobbing was worshipped? It's like once or twice a week at most. 

I am sad to say, Hobnobbing is probably over people. Aww. 

And you know what that means? I'll never even get to find out what the hell it is. Damn asshole rich and powerful seventeenth century assholes. I hope the next time you tongue out an armpit it's unpleasant!!!