Sunday, December 20, 2009

Only magical tennis rackets shit in the woods - and stuff


Hell yeah wowser,

Some good stuff

I've been entering this myspace weekly photography competition and only a couple of times in and I fucking won one. Yay to me.

http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=380097744&blogId=522965139

I've been accepted into an exclusive acting school in Los Angeles and assuming I can get my student visa all worked out (big assumption, I also 'assume' I'll write a book that outsells the bible one day, assumptions are fun!) I'll be coming back to La La land soon.

Assuming that these assumptions are acceptable to the admitting authorities I will soon be back hosting my show at IO Went in Hollywood, Ok Intriguing.

http://west.ioimprov.com/io/shows/1029

And assuming that I can keep building this wonderful show from its humble beginnings into a comedic and artistic masterpiece of excellence that people love so much it changes you know something or whatever (or just because I can't help doing these things), I am going to launch the Ok, Intriguing online talk show really soon (as I alluded to in an earlier blog). One of my co-hosts will be the beautiful and talented Jacqueline Beaulieu

http://www.myspace.com/jacquelinebeaulieu

Check out some stuff we've done

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XylIhoUPgq4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSIrnJmKP50

I'm still looking for a nut job crazy person to be involved as well, so keep those nominations coming in. (Tila Tequila still hasn't emailed me :( )

It looks like I might also get to be a part of this awesome girls radio show soon, I'll keep you posted, but add her up

http://www.myspace.com/alienkismet

I got an email from Myspace today saying they had removed one of my photos and if I keep up my shenanigans they may delete me. I can't even fathom what photo they didn't like, I think I barely showed even man nipple, and no violence or images of kids or anything, and I haven't even uploaded any pics recently. But anyway, should I be deleted I'll probably rebuild here

http://www.myspace.com/manandthecity

(also duck into the archives of that blog, I wrote tonnes of stuff over there, much of it I would probably horrify me, to know I thought those ways at times, so feel free to point some embarrassing stuff out to me)

I might even build over here

http://www.myspace.com/Rainy_Dave

Or I may start a new profile called 'why did I start so many fucking profiles'

I would be tempted to build here

http://www.myspace.com/randomimpishrain

But I started that profile while drunk a few weeks back to work on my alter-ego Random Impish Rain, the nutbar rock star, but I can't freaking remember the log in details, I think I might have opened a new email account, but with who or what I have no ideas. Fuck!

I still think the closest to an offensive photo I have is this one. And mother nature made him, in all his gloryness! (If I spell check that is suggestions gloominess - proof spell check is a pessimistic prick) Actually when I got the note a photo was offensive I just assumed that this was the photo that was removed and before I even checked I was fuming at myspace for removing a photo of a rock. Turns out I was harshly jumping to conclusions, it was probably just my face they didn't like.






Oh speaking of which, I got those glasses things yesterday, only 15 years after I first started needing them. Are you supposed to feel like you're stuck in some sort of wonky circus mirror looking through these?




Also Brittany Murphy died today, its the first time a celebrity has died that I genuinely hoped to sleep with one day, I feel wrong thinking that today, but then again she'd want to be remembered as a hottie right?

A lesson you all already now (or your parents should be in jail)

I know, its ironic isn't it? The inventor of the 'bed' was NOT a lazy guy at all. CLEARLY I am serious.

"Dad, I am tired, but sleeping on the dirty rock hard floor is uncomfortable wah wah wah"
"Shut up you little shit, I didn't have kids to listen to whining all the time, if you want to sleep on something more comfortable than the floor then fucking invent something more comfortable you fucking lazy fucking shit"

I don't know why I am writing this dialogue, we all know the story right? The great, legendary story of the invention of the bed, as passed from generation to generation since the bed was invented in 1972. (I don't know why people get so excited about the free love fuck fest of the 60s, fucking not in a bed, no THANK you!!!!)

Really.

Really.

Some of you don't know this story? Well ok, I'll continue, but instead of reading on you should really have your parents arrested for negligence for not sharing this story with you.

"ok I will" said the whiny uncomfortable boy (at the time more to prove his asshole father wrong, that he wasn't lazy, rather than to invent a wonderfully delightful way to sleep, well a thing to sleep ON anyway)

That's the end of the story, now I feel like I should just have finished in the beginning.

And so the bed was invented, and my god hell yeah did this invention sweep the world.

"You mean I don't have to sleep on concrete anymore?"
"There is a soft thing I can sleep on now?"
"Bed as in the opposite of ded, sounds like the opposite of horrible"

So the commercials chanted, with cheesy actors failing to convince even the retards that this was their words and not the words of an uneducated copy writer, but we still bought beds, hell yeah we did, and we loved their comphy beautiful heavenlyness comfortablenesslyness.

Within a yeah earth had been re-named. We now lived on Bedland, where lots of people slept on beds.

"Bedariffic" was something no one said at the time, but as I am sure you know, years later, EVERYONE claimed to have said life was "bederiffic" in bedland". Even people who weren't alive when earth was named bedland. Those lying fucks.

I am glad you all know the story, or else I just gave a little spoiler, that's right, bedland didn't last. As you know, only six years after the invention and embration and proliferation of beds to such an extent that world peace was declared and as a new union of acceptance based on sweet delicious and refreshing nights sleeps was formed with a world wide governing body formed after the first delegate super comphy sleep over party, we decided in a vote of all the world, with a marigin of 4 billion, 208 million, 387 thousand and 12 to the rest of those losers who voted against it, that earth was renamed bedland.

But then, of course, came Star Trek, who stole all the technology from the bedland rulers, and slaughtered a random 10% of bedland extremists which scared off the other 90% of extemists so they were just enthusiast which of course have way less influence than extremists, and then they covered up this slaughter by making it look like those 10% of slaughtered extremists had died by choking on their own vomit at the age of 27, ironically making those exact same extremists be remembered as legends rather than martyrs, no wait that too, I mean, you know the bad dudes. SAME FUCKING THING THEY DID TO HENDRIX JUST BECAUSE HE INVENTED THE AWESOME LIGHTING OF ONES GUITAR ON FIRE WHILE ONE SOLOS LIKE ONES AWESOMENESSOUS WIND ONE COOL!!! Those guitarist and bedist extremist hatering motherfuckers.

Lessons:
Extremists are not as feared as enthusiasts
Star Trek ruined Bedland
Hendrix would be remembered differently if we didn't write about him in capitals

Thats what people forget in history if you ask me, and even if you don't ask me, is Jealousy, people forget that fucking jealousy makes people do angry stuff. Plus you know jealousy is always cleverly edited to show certain people in certain light shops, and the way they are percieved, its history assholes, not reality TV.

Anyway, don't forget bedland, or Hendrix, or the fact that despite a desire to sleep in comfort, the inventor of the bed was NOT lazy!