Monday, March 30, 2020

Top eleven signs you should drop everything and take up opera

We’re all thinking it: “Life has changed for good now. And life is short. Or maybe it lasts forever. No one is really sure. Either way, this is a wake-up call, and when this is over I want to LIVE damn it. That’s right, I’m going to have FUN from now on, so maybe just maybe it’s time I finally dropped everything and took up Opera!”

Well here are the top eleven signs that YES, you SHOULD drop everything and take up Opera.

11.  A lost wildebeest recently tragically destroyed all of your clothes, except your opera clothes.
10. You like opera more than you like eating glass and you're currently eating glass.
9. You have a casserole in the oven and the instructions on the box say “Cook At 270 degrees until brown on top or until you’re officially an opera person” and you don’t LIKE your casseroles brown on top.
8. There’s a crystal ball on your nightstand with a clear image of opera inside. But you don’t remember ever BUYING a crystal ball. Or a nightstand!
7. Someone got you a “world’s best opera person” mug, and oh how you loath people who lie in mug form AND people who return gifts.
6. Every time one of your eyes pops out it rolls away and nestles itself in a pair of opera glasses.
5. You’re a 9th century Swedish Viking, living in 18th century Venice, and when you go to speak you inadvertently sing in beautiful Italian, so every time you try to ask people if they've seen your time machine they put on tuxedos and applaud you. 
4. It’s cold out, but the only warm scarf you own is currently stapled to Plácido Domingo.
3. It turns out that the reason your bathroom has been is so echoey lately is that you accidentally moved into the Casa de la Ópera Angelopolitana.
2. People often say 'if you weren't holding all those things you'd be great at opera'
1. The WiFi is out.

Ps. Horns are officially declared FUN! Try some today. You've been FUNNED!