Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Time for another classic Dave Q & A session

It’s been a very hectic few weeks for me, as a hugely little bit famous artist with numerous creative outlets coming to brilliant flaming success, my time is scarce and valuable. And yet, my fans matter to me, they matter immensely, they matter even more than the some say mythological lavender colored skittles, and those make up 94% of my daily diet. So that’s why when it’s time for another classic Dave Q & A session, I don’t just not skip it, I embrace it, and I enjoy it, and I follow through without a moments delay.

Over the past few months I've received a steady stream of all your lovely questions via mail, and thank-you very much for these. I must admit, some of you have some excellently placed stamps, top left? Ha ha, you silly scalawags. Still fun use of stamps aside, this is not what will matter when it comes down to which questions I'll choose to include in this edition of my always popular Q & A.

For those I'll just wade through the dozens of questions which now fill my wading pool, which ironically is located in my den, not my wading room, as for some reason I set up my wading room next to my alligator breeding chamber, and that shit turned out to be far too noisy to wade next to, and I'll just pick out the questions which resonate with me most. These are likely, knowing me, to be the questions which clearly demonstrate an aura of uniqueness and maybe even creativity, and I’ll go with those. Here we go.

Question one, submitted by Janelle Margos - Where were you born?

Great question Janelle, creative and also unique, I appreciate it, and yet frankly I have an even better answer coming, although no creativity needed here, just truth - I was born in wood fire pizza oven, after the contents of the test tube I was developed in was mistaken for a tube of anchovies, at the time not just offering me a fiery introduction to life, but also finally giving the world the excuse it desired to ridicule anyone who orders anchovies on pizza.

Question two: submitted by Cyndi Pandow - Where did you grow up?

Another awesome question, thanks Cyndi, I love your use of both creativity and even uniqueness, and yet, once again, I have to answer truthfully, and truthfully this is a superior answer coming your way.

Answer - I grew up in a wheat silo among a tribe of incredibly advanced and evolved weevils who had extraordinarily advanced computer chip technology which was implanted into my left nipple and released a series of radioactive zeros and ones making it seem like the silo was in fact a tree house on the tropical island of Mineneous in the little known Swiss section of French Polynesia, and that I was in fact enjoying a relatively tame and normal childhood - that is, of course, until the agricultural society discovered the wheat was infested with weevils and burned the silo down.

Question three, submitted by Jonty Graham - Where do you currently live?

Wow, yet another brilliant question, well done Jonty, I really admire your thinking during question development, it feels like you've really injected in some creativity into the mix, and yet there is also a very strong sweetly wafting odor of uniqueness, and for that I admire and applaud you, while also being forced, and humbled, to admit the forthcoming answer is not just effortlessly better, but also monumentally fascinating.

Answer: I currently live in Sydney Australia, for the time being, I guess.

Well that's the Q & A, thanks for all the wonderful questions, and you’re welcome for the time I took out of my hectic massive tiny a little bit a celebrity lifestyle to answer them, now I've got to go, I've got like eight pregnant alligators here, and they aren’t gonna get fed while I'm wading in mail.