Saturday, May 15, 2010

I need more adorable hugs

Here are some things you may not know about hugs

- You can give yourself herpes by hugging yourself but it is totally worth it for the funny way it makes you fall over (Note: Only if you have NOT being drinking) (Note2: Assuming you are drunk from a new magical non-drinking alcohol)

- Every time you hug a boat a seagull dies. That means more garbage fries for you!

- 95% of rich people hug their money = proof hugs make people rich (Note: And super hip)

- Machine gun factories all have one staff member to hug all guns before they leave the factory and this is why machine guns are used exclusively to show expressions of love. (Note: If you have had a different experience with machine guns then your guns are counterfeit) (Note2: Most machine guns are counterfeit)

- If you surprise hug a random girl in a bikini on the beach she will give you money (Note: Unless she is a demon sent from hell)(Note2: Almost all girls are demons sent from hell)

- If you hug someone for 21 days straight without a break you probably really like hugs, and are comfortable pooing in front of others (Note: Anyone want to help me break the world record for longest continuous hug) (Note2: Must be comfortable pooing in front of me)

- If you go a hundred and twenty seven years with no hugs at all you will probably die

- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day, give him a hug and he will be warm and cozy inside (Note: He'll still be hungry give him so food you bastard)

- If you hug an old grandfather clock all time stops still (Note: Assuming your clock is broken) (Note2: Also assuming you didn't mean like all time in the world, grandfather clocks aren't freakin magical)

- If there was a town named 'hug' it would be an awesome place to live (Note: Assuming low crime rate and good yet affordable shopping) (Note2: Towns named after expressions of physcial affection are notorious for high crime rates) (Note3: This is often reported to be because of shitty yet overpriced shopping)

- You can hug a girl, you can hug a man and you can hug a man hugging girl and its awesome (Note: If the boy hugging the girl are your brother and sister its even more awesome) (Note2: Wear a condom, no ones wants to see your freak babies)

- Headphones are phones you listen to with your head unlike telephones which you listen to with your tele, but no one knows what a tele is, which means teles suck. Am I right? (Note: This last thing was really lame, unlike hugs)

- No one has ever died from too much hugging (Note: If your experience with this is different then you're in the afterlife, oooh, is it super cool?) (Note2: Unless you murdered someone by hugging them in which case - boo!)

- If you get so drunk that you wake up next to someone yet don't remember who they are then you're just wasting your hugs (Note: Shame on you) (Note2: Next time please share drinks and or/girl with me) (Note3: Is shame on you really an insult? If not assume I said something worse and therefore draw a worse conclusion for yourself) (Note4: Only, you know, if you did that wasting hugs dealy, and didn't share girls or drinks with me) (Note5: Fuck that I can get my own drinks, share girls please)