Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Rampant Sense Making

As part of my usual existence being an awesome guy, I occasionally encounter other people that are also awesome. I know! They're out there. 

For example I just overheard a guy talking to his friend say 'foaming at the mouth is kinda my thing'. 

That's badass. What a cool thing to have be your thing. It's like he's 'guy who gets so overwhelmed with rage that he foams at the mouth'. Awesome. 

Keep in mind he isn't 'guy who gets so overwhelmed with rage he gets violent'. 

And let's be honest, if you're so overwhelmed with rage that you're often getting violent your thing is never a minor liquid representation of that which occurs moments before you break someone's jaw. That's not how people's 'things' work. 

Like for example if a guys thing was 'guy who always flushes before he goes' he probably wouldn't be someone who also regularly removes the lids off toilets, takes them to convenience stores, and uses them to smash apart the slurpy machine hoping the flow will start coming out star shaped. 

Or if a girls thing was 'girl who's never been to a beach known for having an occasional issue with towel thieves' she's probably not also a famous Bonnie and Clyde style bank robber where in her case 'Clyde' is horse leg she's had surgically attached as a tail.

Or if a woman's thing was 'lady who loves to climb skyscrapers' she's probably not also a club footed, hunchback, webbed handed, lizard tongued, wheelchair bound, prime minister of a previously undemocratic military oil state, who was voted in after beating several frogs in a 'blending in with the lillypads' competition as judged by six former muscle car enthusiasts who have since taken up extreme fork balancing as their sport of choice, after one them discovered that metal that comes from the ground often has to be mined by someone, often requiring those employed to do such things to work outside major cities downtown central business districts, which is often where it's easiest to find a store that sells spatulas that are shaped like lightbulbs! 

No sir and/or madam, if that's your thing, that's your thing, and that's the middle and end of the story. 

So what's all you folks things? I'd like mine to one day be 'guy who regularly dominates the horticulture type dedication to wet and/or damp and/or dry solution based strangely rampant sense making' but for now I'm happy to merely remain 'awesome guy'. 

What I'd be thinking

Here's what I think I'd be thinking if I was a rock star in the world's biggest band about to do an only medium sized gig, comparatively to our other now massive sized gigs, which in all fairness we've only been doing for the past few years, although which happen to be awesome, and huge, and of course we deserve it.

I mean there was a time not that long ago that a playing a concert as big as this would have been an unthinkable dream. So I don't want it to sound like we are getting arrogant or have lost the spirit that drove us in the early days. It’s still there, trust me, we were born in small clubs and bars, and we’re driven by those great memories.

I know our music has been used in a few commercials now, and I agree, that's something I would have once thought was something only total sell outs would do, and yeah, I get it, a family van is hardly the type of product you'd have seen us promoting when we were still diving head first into drum riders, and saying that 'if the gig doesn't end with a head wound then we didn't really play'. But that commercial paid for the recording of our second EP which is the record that got us booked to play in Germany, which is the gig where we started to really get some buzz. So without that minivan there may never have been 'all the paper men' which is obviously a badass song.

I mean they played it at the funeral of that kid who died tragically when he got hit by lightening while volunteering in Haiti.

I know that suddenly sounded like I'm saying that's a good thing, I mean playing the song was, that funeral was on the news, it was a big break for us. But obviously the death was tragic, and for the re-release we did of it dedicated to that kid we gave all the profits to the charitable organization he was working with at the time of his death.

Yes only profits, studio time is very expensive, and we didn't want to half ass it. Or rush it. Recording a great song requires putting the right spirit and feelings into the song. And we couldn’t have made it as good as it was if we didn’t have fun doing it.

Of course giving some money to his family would have been a nice gesture too, but there was already a vast outpouring of support for them, and they we're very well taken care of. And no I'm not saying that they benefited from his death in anyway. I'm sure a couple of million dollars in donations does nothing to dampen the heartache. Look your putting fucking words in my mouth now 'SpellBiscuit frontman says family profited from their child's death'. I never fucking said that. Well I did just then, but only to illustrate point.

No I don't think that you can say anything you want if you’re saying it just to illustrate points 'oh rape is good', 'Hitler was swell'. 'If you’re not a pedophile then you're not ok with me'. I'd obviously never ever say stuff like that.

Yes I fucking know; I was just illustrating a point again. I was illustrating a point about illustrating points.

Wait there could be a song in that idea somewhere.

Oh fuck you all; I get my inspiration where I get my inspiration. Every artist does. And so yes, that beautiful song that played for your first dance at your wedding may have been inspired by some band joking around about fucking rotting corpses, and the song that plays during that puppy commercial that makes you cry is secretly about the artists desire to pluck your fucking eyes out with a fork and feed them to children. So why don’t you suck my fucking balls:

'Let's go fuck shit up boys, these fans are all assholes anyway!'

Wow, being a rock star would be awesome.