Monday, March 23, 2020

The How To Have Fun From Home Files, And You Can Too!

Here at Fleeting Forever we’ve been dealing with the fleeting nature of forever for like forever, albeit fleetingly. It’s just what we do.

We hear about something that may affect our now, or our rest, and we jump on board swinging, dancing, and jiggin’ up a storm with the miscreants and the nut bag pokers of the day. That’s who we are, always have been, and always will be, unless we all die from some virus or something, ha ha, yeah right, I mean fall into a ravine and forget the code word that gets the ravine queen to appear and grant us the ability to float which we then take for granted while trying to float over a pool, before remembering we DIDN’T get granted anything and fall for to our deaths (why we chose an empty pool is any ones guess).

If you don’t believe that’s what we’ve always done, then take a look into our archives, they are immense and brilliant (just please only look at the ones which are good ones. Here’s a tip: if you poke in our archives and find something not good, you’re in the wrong archives fool, you need to go back to archival school!)

Well the fleetin’ and the foreverin’ has been challenged team. It just has. So we’re going full on again. We have to. Because it’s who we are. And also cause we ain’t got nothing better to do. And hope you ain’t got nothing better to do too which means you have time to read this crap. Cough. I mean genius. Smiley face.

So everyday, or so, depending on what else is distracting us, we’re gonna share something with you that you could be doing for fun.

So without further stupid nonsense that I haven’t edited out for god knows why, whether your normal existence has been ruined because of the thing OR the new thing that will probably hit over night, here is - today’s thing you could be doing for fun .

Drum roll …. … ….


Now I know what your thinking… “We already knew vacuuming was fun Dave. Of course we did. Vacuuming is rad. You get to suck up live spiders for fucks sake. Then you get to feel like god for a moment, a mighty god, a god who giveth and taketh life with the mere suck of a tube. Then you get to feel guilty for using your newfound might to immediately kill. Then you get to remember that spiders, while scary, do play an important part in the ecosystem, and by removing one, you are toying with the delicate balance of nature. Then you get to imagine its little spider family, little spider wife, cranky spider uncle, cute spider ten thousand eggs hatching any moment into cute little spider babies all though your favorite pair of pant’s crotch region. And THEN you get to pull your vacuum apart to find that fucking spider corpse so you can light it on fire in punishment for the ten thousand spider bites your nether crotch regions will soon get and/ or for making you do laundry! YOU BASTARD! So hell yeah vacuuming is fun. We knew that already Dave, you dick!”

And I agree with everything you thought there dear readers, but I’m here to tell you that there are even more great things about vacuuming than even that, things including but not limited to…

- Vacuuming up bugs that have less interesting and fulfilling social lives than spiders and therefore less wives or husbands, and less babies on your skin.
- Vacuuming up bugs with MORE interesting social lives, out of spite, bitterness, and jealousy.
- Vacuuming up things that aren’t bugs at all, like bug poop, bug carcasses, and bug shit. 
- Doing poops on bugs then vacuuming that up.
- Pooping on the Vacuum cleaner itself.
- Shitting on that poop.
- Pooh-poohing me for turning this into an avalanche of poo jokes.
- Pooh-Poohing me for greatly misusing the word “avalanche”
- Pooh-poohing me for saying “avalanche” was the word I misused, not “jokes”.

Yep Vacuuming is officially declared – FUN. Enjoy it while you can. And if you don’t agree, then go put on your favorite pants and take a nap, see I’m not spiteful.