Saturday, November 25, 2017

All tied up

Hey team, 

Welcome back, it’s time for our BRAND NEW segment... viewer male!

Please note, yes we did call it viewer male, rather than viewer mail, but not because of any nefarious reasons. It’s just that other shows already do viewer mail and we wanted to be original so we called it viewer male. We’re really creative that way. 

Like we hardly EVER do stuff other shows do. Unless of course there aren’t any words we can substitute that sound exactly the same but are spelled different and mean something different that we can easily explain away as meaning the original way despite not saying that, because we’re being creative rather than intentionally wrong. 

And yes, we know that saying male instead of mail sounds tad exclusive, but we definitely MEAN mail, which is inclusive. So it’s not nefarious.

It’s one of those situations when a word sounds like another word and they have different meanings and then we’ve used the wrong one for creative reasons even though we actually mean the other one. 

We just came up with it. It’s really creative. 

It’s sort of like the regular bit other shows do, called viewer mail, but we spelled male different, for reasons outlined above. This makes it an original idea. And originality is creative. We’re creative here that way.

So here’s our first piece of viewer male (we mean mail). (We’re creative rather than nefarious that way). 

Dear Ok, intriguing, 

The title of your show suggests that you’re some type of show and yet when I come here, it doesn’t matter how long I watch, I seem to only find myself watching words. I can watch your show for hours and hours, and still only see almost exclusively WORDS.

What sort of shit are you playing at? Some sort of ‘word’ shit? That’s some shit shit you’re trying to fling, you shit. Words? Blah, if I wanted to watch those I’d watch the Price Is Right and hope they solve the puzzle quickly. And I NEVER want to watch people solve puzzles quickly, they always act so smug when they do...

‘Oh look at me, I got “The worm was brown” before anyone else did, I’m so clever’. Hey, fuck YOU. Maybe you didn’t get it because you’re clever, maybe it’s because worms ARE brown. Like a greyish brown, but still, brown, especially if they’ve been in dirt, which they ALWAYS have. 

So stick your smug Price Is Right ass right up that wheel you spin. Oh wait, maybe I’m thinking of ‘wheel of fortune’. That’s a pretty good show.  I love when they solve the puzzles quickly. It means less spinning. I hate spinning. It’s why I never get jealous of car wheels. Like NEVER. (I do sometimes get jealous of car glove boxes, I’d love people to think I have gloves in me when in reality I only have a bunch of old paper work and a dried out pen, oh man, THAT would be sweet). 

By the way, it’s spelled ‘mail’ not ‘male’, you shits. And don’t even try to tell us that you KNOW how to spell mail, and then spell it wrong, you nefarious clustermunts. 

Sure it’s very creative, but why not be creative in a different way? You know, like dying a worm yellow. Ha ha, it’d be like, “look 
at that worm, it’s all yellow. That’s not brown!” Lol. 

Your favorite viewer, 
Cassandra Cassington 

So that was viewer male (it’s really mail, but we spelled it male because we want to be creative rather than nefarious). Thanks Cassandra. You’re right, a yellow worm? Ha ha. It would be not at ALL brown. Depending on your color dying skills Love it. Lol. 

If you’d like to send in some mail, please call it male, even though that’s exclusive, and even though we specially want it to be inclusive. 

And stay tuned, after the break we’ve got our legendary segment, that’s right, it’s ‘things that people think MAY be parsnip, but end up KNOT being parsnip. It’s the bit that’s exclusively inclusive, unless you’re.... say it with us... “KNOT a parsnip!!! (We mean not). 

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