Life advice from Bill

Life advice from Bill 

(Cue theme song) 

1-2-3-4
It's advice for life 
Because problems are rife 
So you need advice 
Hopefully someone will be nice 
Wait I know who will 
Let's just talk to Bill 
That's me! 

Hi, the name is Bill. Well it's William, but they make be go by Bill so the song rhymes. 

Here's some advice by me. 

Start your day STRONG and your whole day will go swell! 

Now here's how to do it - first thing I always do the second I wake up is roll around murmuring for a second or two, then sitting bolt upright while blood curlingly screaming 
'NOT TILL NEXT WEEK, CALL MY OFFICE, WE'LL SET SOMETHING UP, YOU KNOW WHAT, I'LL CALL YOU, NO POINT YOU RINGING WHEN I'M TOO BUSY TO TAKE THE CALL HALF THE TIME, AND THE THE OTHER HALF OF THE TIME I'M TAKING CARE
OF BUSINESS, WINK WINK, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, WINK'. 

That way whoever's front lawn I'm waking up on thinks I'm so on it that I'm even taking care of business DURING my nightmares! So imagine what I'd be able to pull off in the waking hours! 

It'd have led to all sorts of great opportunities too, but I don't like to get up till after noon so I'm only impressing home during the day lazy non-working bums. Assholes. Plus none of them have even bothered to recommend a good stopping over winking surgeon, dicks. 

(Cue outro music)

1-2-3-4
It's advice for life 
Because problems are rife 
So you need advice 
Hopefully someone will be nice 
Wait I know who will 
Let's just talk to Bill 
That's m... Wait no I'm William, surely they could have found a way to make that work, um

I know who silligam, milligram, um, till a ham, fuck this is hard, damn it, I'm Bill.
That's me! 






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