Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Drip flip with this gum fun!

Today was a fun day. Dang yeah to the dang land today was fun. Yeah it was. Dang fun.  Why? “Why” you ask. WHY.

Because down here at the how to have fun at home files, the place were we here at Fleeting Forever let the fun drip fast, well today we’ve let the fun drip so fast that it’s ceased to be a drip, and this drip flip has drip flipped all the way to the gum pit.

That’s right it’s Gum Day!

And when it is Gum Day you need to suit up, because on gum day we get deep down inside. And on the inside you can feel the heartbeat my friends. Or, in today’s case -  the motherdanging GUMBEAT.

Woo hoo!

And we’re not talking chewing gum (which is not to say chewing gum can’t be fun. It might possibly be fun. We just don’t know. We haven’t tested it scientifically or anthropologically… Yet). But what we can say for fact, certain and oh yippee for sure is this – gum gums ARE FUN.

That’s right we’re talking about those cushy little pink moist nuggets of joy mush you have right in your mouth. Not sure where? Go to your mirror and pluck out a tooth or two.

Are you back? I’ll give you one more moment or two.

Now, see how you’re in pain? That thing hurting - that’s your gums!

That’s right, your gums are immediately responsive to suffering experienced in their immediate area. That’s TWO “immediates”. Yet “immediate” means – “right fucking now”. You can’t have double “right fucking now”. For the same reason you can’t be very unique. Unless, and this is where it gets both scientific and anthropological, unless, you time travel!  DANG.

Another way to know exactly where your gums are is this. Go to the mirror. Look just above and around your teeth. That’s your gums! DANG.

Don’t you wish you could go back in time and learn this way to figure out where your gums are BEFORE the tooth pluck way? Hmmmm. If only you JUST learned how to time travel. That’s right. You are dang welcome my friends.

But gums get even more fun.

Consider this: Experts (people like me) estimate that you will spend 82 days worth of time in your lifetime brushing your teeth. I (an expert) estimate that this worldwide lockdown will last exactly 82 days. That means if you spend every second of this lock down brushing your teeth, you will never have to brush your teeth ever again!


But the gum fun keeps going. In fact the gum fun is ready to escalate a ton. That is if you, like me, are lucky enough to have a friend named Gummy Pete.

Because having a friend named Gummy Pete kicks dang fucking ass my friends!

Consider these six super fun sentences you regularly get to utter when you have a friend named Gummy Pete.

1. You know what, I haven’t see Gummy Pete for like eighteen months, maybe he’s missing? Oh wait, no he isn’t. He’s just over there. Hi Gummy Pete!
2. I swear I wasn’t ignoring your calls; it’s just that for the past eighteen months I’ve been at Gummy Petes!
3. Who ate all the soup? Ah dang it, I was saving some of that for Gummy Pete.
4. The lab have confirmed those were bite marks on the victim, that means at this point EVERYONE is a suspect. Except of course you Gummy Pete.
5. No I’ve never met anyone called Toothy Pat, it’s probably irrelevant, but does it help that I DO know a Gummy Pete?
6. Have you two not been introduced? Oh shit, well this is my friend Gummy Pete. Wow, that’s the first time I have introduced anyone to him in eighteen months!

That’s right, those are all super fun to say. And you get to utter them all REGULARLY! 

But is that the end of the fun with Gummy Pete? Hell fucking no. Because you even get to have experiences WITH Gummy Pete.

Consider these three super fun experiences you can have with your friend Gummy Pete, and ONLY with your friend Gummy Pete.

1.    Asking him why “Gummy” Pete?
2.    Getting to say, “Wow, just wow, um, can you show me?”
3.    Getting to look!

Yep! THAT’S brilliant! And it gets EVEN better. A ton better. Because you even get to RESPOND to Gummy Pete.

Consider these three super fun responses you’ll get to make:

1.    No way, no one is KNOWN for poking people in the gums.
2.    Ouch you fucker, you poked me in the gums!
3.    Why did I just stand there and watch that?

And, you may have guessed, but you also get to do that REGULARLY. Especially if you phrase your questions in the form of an utter.

And all these super fun gum activities are only available because of gums! Thank you gums, you’re officially certified… FUN!

That’s right – You’ve been Gum Funned Everyone! (Dang yeah, I am getting better at catchphrases daily!)

Thanks for joining us everyone. Also consider these three post summation add on thoughts:

1.    Did we miss a super fun gum activity? Tell us about it in the comments.
2.    Do you know something unrelated to gums (which are already certified fun) which you think might be fun, and that you can do at home, but you’re just not sure if its fun yet? Ask us. We’ll find out for sure. A scientific and anthropological certification could be mere days away!
3.    Does your mouth currently hurt? Are there two or maybe three plucked human teeth sitting next to you right now? Is your significant other yelling at you “why did you pull those out, have you lost your fucking mind?” If you can honestly answer “no” to any or all three of these questions, then this means you read this blog. Got to the pluck your teeth section. Plucked said teeth, and learned said lesson. Then got to the alternative way to find out where your gums are. And then time travelled back in time, and this time did NOT pluck any teeth. You’re officially a time traveller my friends. DANG!

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