Out of cracks in the pavement

Especially here in LA, when I tell people I have never once tried even an unlunged puff of marijuana, they mostly think that I am blatantly lying. Hey I look like ME! How can that guy possibly not suck on the wacky.

Truth is I've never even been tempted.

Then just this morning it hit me. The reason people smoke the wacky is to be more like me weed free. My normal state is extremely laid back, constantly wanting to eat, and with weird twisted fucked up thoughts running around in my brain like my most recent twitter:

'Do you ever blow your load into a fish tank just to both ignore the spit or swallow debate and simultaneously murder some gay ass fish?'

Or this thought I am having as I type this that the letter t is such a narcissist it needed to be in the word letter twice and wanted Jesus crucified nailed to it, t is even in the word team, damn you t.

Why do I think things like that?

Anyway do you smoke weed to be more like me?

Do you ever call the cops and say 'I just heard a gardener say he pulled out lots of weeds from Brad Pitts garden, are you going to arrest Brad for drugs AND the gardener for stealing?

Do you ever rent out a self storage space just so you can say to people 'I don't own a 1960's era pasta strainer, but if I ever get one I might just put it in my self storage space'?