Friday, February 26, 2010

Please baby, let me be your elixir

Forgetting, what went on?

In the morning

Don’t let go of me

Flirting with home

Not sure how to make it happen

Can’t be fucked with obstacles anymore

Where is my impulsive possibility?

I know what I don’t want

But I don’t know what I need

There will be happiness

There will be sadness

I will be chasing

But there shall be no elixir for me

Coincidentally on this day that I research the word 'elixir' Kirstie Alley has launched a new weight loss drug which she is calling her 'Elixir' - her perfect cure for fatness.

Ah we can only dream, but I couldn't bring myself to make fun of her for it. I was a fat teenager and still have horribly fluctuating weight, and it's hard.

But in news of more importance, officials have said that recent developments in the war in Afghanistan have caused significant setbacks to both the Taliban and Al-queda

In related news Kirstie Ally's last trip to the buffet officially eradicated an entire breed of pig

Oh damn, what happened? Can I simply not control myself?

By the way, while researching Elixirs I made some surprising and startling discoveries

- Death is now considered the leading cause of chronicle scary no longer living in that alive sense syndrome. If your eight year old daughter is sleeping with a guy named ‘death’ it’s officially time to worry.

- If you have a neighbor with a barky dog, here is what you do. Go to ....Korea...., eat a dog, race home and burp real solidly in the dogs face. It will either stop barking or burp your cat back in your face.

- It turns out in a world where racism is tolerated if you find yourself in a battle to the death with a dragon you MUST have tequila to get it up to pork some slut

- Turns out cuddling a pillow is a poor alternative to the real thing - a sex doll. A girl would be nice too, but you have to be realistic

- Alcoholic snotty tissues doesn’t make them right, unless there are a lot of hard to approach cute girls at the party (this one doesn't even make sense to me, but I trust my research)

- I know its tempting but avoid licking babies burning from artificially created lightening strikes, its dangerous (ahh a return to sanity).

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