Friday, August 14, 2015
Time after time
And now ten signs that your latest escapades back in time in your time machine have failed to make the changes to the present that you had so hoped.
1. Your wife Meredith is in a mood.
2. A really bad mood.
3. Her worst mood that you've ever encountered.
4. And you can't seem to stop it.
5. And you've tried stuff.
6. Lots of stuff.
7. I mean you've tried offering her tea, you've tried hugging her, you've tried reminding her about the fun weekend you recently had together in Wilmington, you've tried ignoring her and watching TV, you've tried yelling at her to 'get over it', you've tried talking on the phone to your buddy and loudly exclaiming 'my wife's in a bitch of a mood, so why don't we head to Mexico for a few days', you've tried getting her a drink from the fridge without even asking if she wanted one, and then when it turned out that she didn't want one you tried just drinking it yourself so that she wouldn't be able to add your 'wasteful fucking ways' to her list of complaints, you've tried putting the cat on her lap and reminding her how cute she is, the cat that is, you've tried hiding in the backyard treehouse, you've tried offering to take the kids to their grandparents for the weekend, you've tried wrapping her in bacon and reminding her 'everything is better wrapped in bacon' and you've even tried telling HER she's cute, which she is most certainly not, yes you have TRIED to end her mood.
8. Before you went back in time you didn't have a wife Meredith, in fact you were an eighty five year old gay man.
9. And your cat was a monkey.
10. You HAD been trying to change your green hat blue.
That was ten signs that your latest escapades back in time in your time machine have failed to make the changed to the present that you WANTED to make.
Next time just buy a blue hat you fools.