Old as dust - poem

The oldest man in the world suddenly jolted upright in bed. 
'Oh fuck' he thought 'since I was born literally every other human on earth that was alive is now dead'.
'There have been a lot of unsolved murders in that time, I'm probably a prime suspect!' 
'Where are your alibis sir?' They'll ask.
'All dead' 
'Oh fuck'. 

'There's only one thing I can do - kill everyone'

And so begun one of the biggest slaughters in the history of the world. 
By which I mean he climbed out of bed, put on his slippers, took a weak shit and ate a bowl of soup. 

He was a hundred and thirty two! What did you think he was going to do? 

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