Some things I realized late last night
I regret eating my own boogers
I also regret naming my dog 'my own boogers'
Because who calls their burgers 'dog' that's usually reserved for hot dogs
Which reminds me there is a hot bitch at my secret society of secreters meeting at midday on Tuesdays
But don't you tell her I said that
She always says it's no secret she kind of likes being called 'hot'
And I'd hate to have her kicked out of our secret society of secreters meetings for people saying stuff that isn't a secret
Because the secret society of secreters doesn't really exist
Well they really do, but I'll let you in on a secret, our newsletter is getting so popular that our printers are getting worried about keeping up with the demand
'Demand' of course being the nickname we have given to Mary the warehouse horse who is very fast
'Horse' of course being her other nickname because of her long history with salt addiction
It's kind of sad actually because most people don't realize that being salt addicted often means you're terrible in chip avoiding contests
Which were of course invented by Steve Evans a man famous for being so addicted to eating boogers he tried to destroy the snack industry by encouraging avoiding snacks with well funded and highly competitive chip avoiding contents
Steve of course being the hot bitches husband
That's why we call her 'hot' because as everyone knows chip production is a really cool job
Guys will say to girls in bars 'I work in chip production' and the girls will all be like 'that's so cool'
So with less chips eaten the world is less cool and therefore more hot because of her
Also she is really sweet which is why we call her a bitch
Its tough at our secret meetings to keep coming up with interesting and hilariously ironic nicknames because everyone is so uninteresting
Except for Steve who eats lots of boogers
Actually that reminds me, Steve bet me a hundred bucks I wouldn't 'eat my own boogers' and that's why I named that burger 'my own boogers'
You owe me a hundred bucks Steve, and I'm going to spend it ALL on chips, you loser
Geeze I'd hate to have THAT guys mind