Wednesday, November 3, 2010


If your friend says you're thick as a block of wood it's an insult

If he says you're as thick as thieves it's a sweet commentary on your friendship.

But if he says you're as thick as the DNA from a teradactyle ball sack then he must have an awesome fossil collection and microscope and yet you've never invited me to come see! Come on guys. I thought we were friends, and after I said we were thick as thieves :( Boo.

This week was Australias big horse race, the Melbourne Cup which is said to 'stop the nation'. I could not be less interested in it, but because I had a five hour wait at a bus stop on my way to hangout in sunny Queensland for a week (I am writing this now as it rains outside so we can't go outside) and the bus stop was next to a pub which sold beer which I like, I ended up watching it anyway. Here are some of the thought I had while the big race was on.

The most fun thing about the Melbourne cup is seeing people all pissed off about losing while I maintain a breakeven guarentee!

Betting on these horses out for a jog is boring, I prefer to bet on the tredmills at the gym, those races are always INSANLY close :)

The optimist in me prefers to remember Jesus recieved a premium crusifixion- top of mountain, front & center, unobstructed views for miles!

The diciples were just premium stalkers, stalkers with benifits, no sex with me but also no sex with ANYONE - Yaaaaayyy

I'm an author, which is a sophisticated term for bookie, why aren't people lining up to donate ME money today?

My efforts to combine blues music with blue movies was going swimingly, until my request 4 a 'trumpet' solo went bad. (they didn't have one)

I bought self raising flour and I'm still waiting. I think I might waterboard it then burn its lazy ass alive in an oven!

I hate pop music, how can anyone listen to that manufactured generic crap? I think, as I joyfully devour my mcdonalds breakfast.

That last one was more of a thought I had while eating breakfast at the airport dealy :)

Hope everyone is having a sunny fun week!

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