Thursday, May 10, 2012

Don't (re) see Avengers till you read this

Here is the first of what may become an Ok, Intriguing regular feature – a review! This one is of a little indie drama called the Avengers. (No spoilers necessary).

The Avengers

Ok, so there is bad man and he is in Germany and in his possession is a little blue box. Samuel L Jackson doesn’t like this at all. He is all like 'blue? BLUE? I had a PURPLE light saber in star wars, so clearly that's a way cooler color than stupid blue!'

He is pissed off man, super pissed, so he calls up all his best friends who all happen to be super badass in some way. These friends include:

The Hulk
Captain America
Captain Cave Man
Black Spider
Alan Alda
Iron Man
The hot girl from ‘How I Met Your Mother’
Donald Trump
The Ghost Busters
Thor and
Scarlet Johansson’s boobs

Samuel L assembles them all into a room and says - 'We must get this box from this bad dude in Germany, it's blue man, BLUE! And no way is that as cool as purple’.

At first all the men don’t want to work as a team, seems when the hot girl from ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and Scarlet Johansson’s boobs are in the room men feel the need to jockey for power in efforts to prove their masculinity. What starts out as mere fisticuffs descends into chaos, before we know it all hell breaks loose!

Captain America is all like 'I'm captain America, let Captain Germany deal with it.'
Donald Trump claims he's way richer than he really is.
The Hulk refuses to say his catch phrase even once.
Alan Alda says 'count me out, in my experience wars seem to go for a long, long time'
Captain Cave Man yells 'you promoted someone else to captain without so much as a phone call? Suck my hairy balls!'
Black Spider is saying ‘Oh, the “human race” is in danger, what about the “huwoman race?” don’t they matter too?’
The Ghost Busters are all like 'we won't do it without Bill Murray and he hasn't agreed on a script yet'
Thor says 'I already scored Natalie Portman, there is nothing left to gain'
Iron Man is super confused ‘If Donald Trump is here, then who am I?’

Things are not looking good. The bad man in Germany looks like he may just be able to enjoy his blue box all on his own. But then, when all looks lost, two voices in perfect harmony rise above the squalor 'listen to us, just do it alright' it is scarlet Johansson’s boobs, and everyone immediately falls in line, and they vow to Avenge that blue box, even if Alan Alda fights for the bad guys for a while. 

From there on out it's actually pretty badass, I’d almost go as far as to say ‘awesome’ and I normally don't like these types of movies.

Final notes: Surprisingly The Hulk is easily the best character, the guy from ‘Goodwill Hunting’ had a better role in ‘Goodwill Hunting’ and the hot girl from ‘How I Met Your Mother’ should have shown more skin.

On the brand new Daverview Scale I give it a 9 out of 13

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