As a professional awesome guy, one of the things I spend much of my energy on is trying to make sure I never find myself without some form of entertainment in front of me coming out of TVs, speakers, musical instruments, and even real life faces sometimes, in a desperate hope that I'll never be forced to face pure silence and have to listen to the voices in my head.
If you had the voices in my head you would do the same. Common statements from these voices tend to be either violently dark, enticing self destructive behavior or down right baffling, things such as:
- Why won't these lights turn green, I know push that kid in front of a truck, that'll keep me entertained a few more seconds.
- Apparently teenagers in Europe sometimes soak a tampon in vodka and stick it up their butt to get drunk cheap, I wonder if I started doing that if it'd help me consume less calories and therefore lose weight, maybe I'll try it tonight, but first I want to eat two large pizzas by myself. And
- If badgers are so hard to convince to crowd into conglomerates the size of meteorites for us to magically rope-pull into ostentatious missionary operations then what hope do Chinese miners have of imagining financial grants big enough to bid for a helper robot consolations?
Obviously these are all thoughts I don't want to have, at least not more than three or four times an hour, and so I wish to avoid them. Not that I'd ever actually act on any of these thoughts, I'm not a weirdo, well I don't mind making a badger pile from time to time, but then who doesn't?
This past Saturday night, in order to entertain away the voices, and just be entertained in general, I decided to do something I don't do anywhere near often enough, and that's go to see a play.
Here's a common conversation I'll have with myself:
'Man, when I go to plays I tend to enjoy myself, plus I want to act in more plays, maybe I should, you know, go see more plays' I'll say.
'Dude, you totally should see more plays, when you do you tend to enjoy it, and you want to act in more plays, you should totally go see more plays' I'll reply.
'Man, you're right, I tend to enjoy plays when I go see them and I want to act in more plays, it would be good to go see more plays' I'll add.
'Dude, you enjoy plays, you want to act in plays, you should see more plays!' I'll retort.
'Man, like plays, act in plays, see plays' I'll continue
'Dude, like, act, see - plays' I'll snap back.
'Man, l, a, c, p' I'll demand
'Dude, P' I'll conclude.
And then I'll spend so much time congratulating myself on my brilliant ability to both invent and decipher a unique and imaginative short hand language system with myself, so much so that before I know it I've filled like hours just talking to myself in my new brilliant language, that by the time I'm done I don't even remember what that original 'P' stood for way back when, I mean, 'people'? 'personnel'?? 'periodical'??? It could be ANYTHING! Even a non-P word like 'File' or 'Friendship' or 'Philanthropist'!
Then I'll be like 'I DONT FUCKING REMEMBER', what did that fucking P stand for, for phucks sake?' Then I'll copy out the entire P section of the dictionary hoping to jog my memory, even the words in the P section which don't start with P. Before getting fucking frustrated and taking it out by stacking badgers, only to then get frustrated that I can never make a conglomerate the size of a meteorite and then eat two large pizzas and have a shame nap.
Suddenly, against all odds, I then discover for some reason I haven't seen more plays, and I'll say to myself 'I should see more plays', and the cycle continues. The really frustrating thing is just how hard it is to source badgers every day.
Well no more. Two nights ago I thought to myself 'when I see plays I tend to enjoy them, I want to act in more plays maybe I should see more plays' and instead of going on a journey towards a shame nap, I fucked around on the internet for a couple of hours, and somehow ended up buying tickets to a play the following night.
It was at the New Theatre in Newtown Sydney, a place I've been meaning to go for ages, as part of the Sydney Fringe, an event I've been promising to attend for ages, and it was called 'Amanda' which is like a name and shit, I think.
And you know what? I enjoyed it, immensely in fact. I want to act in more plays. I think I'm gonna go check out more plays! No shame nap for me tonight! Hell Yeah!
Please note: In the making of this blog no kids were actually pushed in front of trucks.