Hello people, assuming that most of the
people reading this blog are in fact people, which is a matter of fact more
than an assumption. The only ‘people’ who read this blog are definitely people.
But that says nothing of the potential monkeys, invisible light beams, gas
leaks, kittens, alien shoulder blades, or even (name a famous or notorious
person you think has done such horrific things as to no longer warrant being
considered a human here) well none of those things are human are they? And of
course they’re reading this, so why did I discount their tireless, and generous
reading truths?
Today was the best day of my life. Now here
is something I have learned, when the only rules of your awesome new project
have been cleverly crafted to ensure two and only two things:
1.
To live every day as if it is,
and was, the best day of your life.
2.
To write at least a page about
it before bed.
Then
two things seem to happen:
1.
Your life can turn out to be
somewhat busy.
2.
It’s easy to procrastinate
doing the writing until well after your planned bedtime.
Also there are two other things to note
here:
1.
My life would have been really
friggin’ busy regardless.
2.
I would have procrastinated the
shit out of this regardless.
I think we have two of strong lessons
here.
1.
Separating the writing of this
into various bullet points takes up lots of space which could quite easily be
construed as an intentional method to short change the very point of doing this
in the first place – for shame David.
2.
I’ve finally figured out why my
bathroom smells like my old mouse cages that I kept mice in as a kid, which I
always felt like was both the perfect thing to be kept in a mouse cage, and
simultaneously was the best place to keep the mice.
3.
This last point is reminding me
of just how smart I was as a teenager who kept mice as a pet – go me! I’m not
one of those idiots who kept their mice in aquariums, their fish in atriums,
and their birds delivering notes to the front bumper of cars, and ultimately
being squished in the road so hard they just become a beaked part of it.
4.
Remembering where I kept my
mice is bringing up nostalgia which is an awesome and underutilized emotion, I
mean it hardly even gets a look in during most half time pep-talks by coaches
in charge of pee-wee lacrosse, and yet who among us doesn’t spend their lives
without rolling around in our head three of four classic memories of epic
lacrosse battles, which would be awesome fodder for half time speeches, and yet
we all ignore them, why? Are we scared? Are we too sidetracked from hearing
that gas leaks have developed the ability to read? Are we saving them up for a
fun evening of playing the game spotlight on the grounds of a medieval era
chateau? Who knows.
5.
Regardless is a weird word, and
even weirder when you try and sneak it into a sentence where it really never
should fit.
6.
Such as – the strong-armed
helicopter pilot who has been accused of regardless the shopping trolley!
7.
Oh wait, I never told you the
reason my bathroom smells like my old mouse cage, because my bath has three
sweaty t-shirts in there from gym trips at least several days ago.
8.
Lists are fun places to lie
about how long they were promised to be, I think that’s the definition of a
win-win.
9.
Well I guess a win-win could
also be defined by a situation such as a shark biting your arm off, which is
like ‘cool, I always wanted to learn to play darts with my non-dominate hand’
and ‘wow, I think I just spotted a
shark!’
So I think what I have learned here is
obvious, today was the best day of my life because I didn’t get around to doing
this until really late because I was procrastinating on writing up about why
today was the best day of life, which is an awesome excuse I previously didn’t
have for staying up too late to write about the best day of my life. And
anytime you figure out a new awesome, flawless and endlessly useful excuse for
stuff, how could it not be considered the best day of your life, because it’s
proof that we’re evolving, and if we are evolving then we still have a decent
chance that humans can stay a in front of those evil alien shoulder blades.
Ps. Let me guess I bet your famous or
notorious person from above was the same as mine? Let’s say them out loud at
the same time, on the count of three.
1…
2…
3…
Kevin Costner!!!
Awesome, we were all the same, weren’t we?
Yep we all know the truth of, he’s responsible for the dead birds you see on
roads all over the world, just because he’s never figured out what his mouse
cage is for.
Pps. When playing darts it’s a good idea to
have the dart penetrate the board in the zones with lots of regardless triple
regardless minge.
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