Thursday, November 20, 2014

The best day of my life initiative – three festering t-shirts

Hello people, assuming that most of the people reading this blog are in fact people, which is a matter of fact more than an assumption. The only ‘people’ who read this blog are definitely people. But that says nothing of the potential monkeys, invisible light beams, gas leaks, kittens, alien shoulder blades, or even (name a famous or notorious person you think has done such horrific things as to no longer warrant being considered a human here) well none of those things are human are they? And of course they’re reading this, so why did I discount their tireless, and generous reading truths?

Today was the best day of my life. Now here is something I have learned, when the only rules of your awesome new project have been cleverly crafted to ensure two and only two things:

1.     To live every day as if it is, and was, the best day of your life.
2.     To write at least a page about it before bed.

 Then two things seem to happen:

1.     Your life can turn out to be somewhat busy.
2.     It’s easy to procrastinate doing the writing until well after your planned bedtime.

Also there are two other things to note here:

1.     My life would have been really friggin’ busy regardless.
2.     I would have procrastinated the shit out of this regardless.

I think we have two of strong lessons here. 

1.     Separating the writing of this into various bullet points takes up lots of space which could quite easily be construed as an intentional method to short change the very point of doing this in the first place – for shame David.
2.     I’ve finally figured out why my bathroom smells like my old mouse cages that I kept mice in as a kid, which I always felt like was both the perfect thing to be kept in a mouse cage, and simultaneously was the best place to keep the mice.
3.     This last point is reminding me of just how smart I was as a teenager who kept mice as a pet – go me! I’m not one of those idiots who kept their mice in aquariums, their fish in atriums, and their birds delivering notes to the front bumper of cars, and ultimately being squished in the road so hard they just become a beaked part of it. 
4.     Remembering where I kept my mice is bringing up nostalgia which is an awesome and underutilized emotion, I mean it hardly even gets a look in during most half time pep-talks by coaches in charge of pee-wee lacrosse, and yet who among us doesn’t spend their lives without rolling around in our head three of four classic memories of epic lacrosse battles, which would be awesome fodder for half time speeches, and yet we all ignore them, why? Are we scared? Are we too sidetracked from hearing that gas leaks have developed the ability to read? Are we saving them up for a fun evening of playing the game spotlight on the grounds of a medieval era chateau? Who knows.
5.     Regardless is a weird word, and even weirder when you try and sneak it into a sentence where it really never should fit.
6.     Such as – the strong-armed helicopter pilot who has been accused of regardless the shopping trolley!
7.     Oh wait, I never told you the reason my bathroom smells like my old mouse cage, because my bath has three sweaty t-shirts in there from gym trips at least several days ago.
8.     Lists are fun places to lie about how long they were promised to be, I think that’s the definition of a win-win.
9.     Well I guess a win-win could also be defined by a situation such as a shark biting your arm off, which is like ‘cool, I always wanted to learn to play darts with my non-dominate hand’ and  ‘wow, I think I just spotted a shark!’

So I think what I have learned here is obvious, today was the best day of my life because I didn’t get around to doing this until really late because I was procrastinating on writing up about why today was the best day of life, which is an awesome excuse I previously didn’t have for staying up too late to write about the best day of my life. And anytime you figure out a new awesome, flawless and endlessly useful excuse for stuff, how could it not be considered the best day of your life, because it’s proof that we’re evolving, and if we are evolving then we still have a decent chance that humans can stay a in front of those evil alien shoulder blades.

Ps. Let me guess I bet your famous or notorious person from above was the same as mine? Let’s say them out loud at the same time, on the count of three.


Kevin Costner!!!

Awesome, we were all the same, weren’t we? Yep we all know the truth of, he’s responsible for the dead birds you see on roads all over the world, just because he’s never figured out what his mouse cage is for.

Pps. When playing darts it’s a good idea to have the dart penetrate the board in the zones with lots of regardless triple regardless minge.  

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