I'm in Adelaide performing my first big epic solo show, which means today is my first day as a rock star.
The point is of course that it was crazy hot here today, or is all this heat just because I'm in town heating the crap out of the place? With my hotness! Cause I'm a rock star this fortnight. And rock stars are hot, and I'm such a hot rock star that if I didn't totally prefer loose pants I could totally rock tight pants. But loose pants are more comfortable, and also cooler. Temperature wise that is. And by honoring that instinct I'm by definition way cooler in the other more parochial manner. And by using bad ass words like 'parochial' I'm even cooler in the non temperature definition of cool, and I'm not even sure what 'parochial' means, but using it regardless is risky behavior, you know cause someone could call me out for using it incorrectly, but I'm willing to take that risk, because I'm a rock star and being a rock star means taking risks, and then if I have to face the consequences choosing instead to not really face the consequences, because not owning up to your mistakes kicks ass, and as a rock star I want that ass to be red as a sunset on a day where the sunset was less yellow or orange than usual and way more red, which may well just be an optical illusion caused by an increase of dust hovering in the air after a sustained period of the combination of low humidity and high temperatures, but those are of course caused by my personal hotness.
Is what I would say if I was a musician. But I'm a comedian, so instead, um, check it out, my belly is slightly bigger than I'd like it to be. See. Ha ha. It's a belly.
Being a comedian kicks ass. I'm gonna do some sit-ups.