Sunday, March 1, 2015

The Giant Obtructerble

I feel like people are so keen to get offended by the little stuff these days that they're forgetting to get offended by the big stuff, the stuff we're all supposed to be offended by, like genocide, kids Cancer, or the fact my hotel doesn't have a vending machine on my floor. 

Let's deal with these one at a time, in order of importance. 

There's a space for the vending machine. A big vast chasm there to mock me like some form of bird that's evolved just to mock - you know owls - stop turning your head like that you know it reminds me that I carry my stress in my neck you maniacs!!!

There's vending machines on other floors, I've seen them when the doors open on other floors. So the hotel definitely knows what a vending machine is. This isn't the first they're hearing about this. I think they've probably known about this issue for at least twenty four hours. But has any staff member built a new one? No. What, mining steel, blowing glass, and producing delicious beverages with the same consistent excellence of the coca-cola empire too much for you? 

Think about what I have to go through to get a coke zero now: 

- I've got to realize that I'm feeling a physical sensation that's consistent with previous sensations that turned out to be thirst. 
- then make a decision that instead of continuing to feel this sensation that I'd like to take steps to satisfy it. 
- debate whether or not the word 'satisfy' makes sense, shouldn't it be 'relieve'. 
- decide that relief isn't quite right either, perhaps if I was going to drink water, but the delicious flavor of coke zero brings to mind words like 'enjoyment' and 'yum'. 
- conclude that enjoyment yum sounds like an awesome idea. 
- get dressed, or more likely REMAIN dressed. 
- then go down one level to use that vending machine.  

Sure I'm trying to cut back on soda anyway, plus I've now stocked the ample sized room fridge with numerous coke zeros. But what if I decide I instead want a Pepsi max? The don't even sell those in the vending machines. It really is a huge issue. One of the biggest. But too many people are too focused on the little stuff to even be offended for me. I fear for the world people, I really do. 

Oh yeah the other two. Don't genocide please. And don't give Cancer to kids. Boom, sorted. 

Ps. As I write this a very famous Aussie comedian and a lady dissapointed in something he said during his show are ferociously debating how to best politically deal with the issue of religious fundamentalism right in front of me. Yep the famous are dealing with the little things too. If this keeps up my thirst sensation may never get enjoyment yum. 
Pps. Adelaide Fringe kicks ass 
Ppps. Fuck you owls. 

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