Monday, March 2, 2015

Best Accidental Fulfillment

 He's reliable like a swan. He's generous like a Swiss watch. He's handsome like a monkey climbs a tree.

I'm trying to mix classic compliments to turn them into all new insults. I'm not sure why, I thought it might be fun. It hasn't turned out that way but it might have under different circumstances.

Wait, there's a lesson there, just cause something doesn't work out exactly as planned doesn't mean that it was a failure damn it, or that it should be abandoned or forgotten. How dare you think that?

I mean think of houses. Do you know that the first house ever had a leaky roof and faulty wiring? If people back then, in the 1820s, had have looked at this crappy house and said 'let's abandoned and forgotten this piece of shit' we'd all be living in our cars now. And those aren’t that comfortable to sleep in. Unless you get the entire back seat to yourself. But if you lived in your car the back seat would probably be turned into your kitchen, or living room and you can’t sleep in your kitchen or living room, unless your young and have gotten drunk on mouthwash, and if you’re in your car with excellent breath then you should be in the front seat where you can smile at hitchhikers damn it.

But people didn’t give up on houses, thankfully, and now a full 95 years later, we instead all live houses, and only 22% of those have leaky roofs. And thank god for that. Plus most of the faulty wiring doesn’t matter so much because of WiFi.

Although, now that I think about it, all of us living in cars would have been fine too, it'd be like the entire world was on one super epic road trip, and those are super fun. I totally didn’t mean to get to this on todays blog.

Wait, wait, wait.

Ok, so I started writing a whole different blog this morning. I woke up with some lovely coincidences. I was having a horrific nightmare, woke up from it suddenly and dramatically, right then my alarm went off, and then right then the hotel ran a practice fire alarm test. It was like the world was in sync. So I was going to write about that today. But then as I went to write it tonight I was like ‘blah, the rest of the day didn’t go that way’ so I just started writing with no plan and figured I would see where I ended up. And I ended up on road trips, and it just so happened I have a video about one of those that I just posted today, I had no intention of talking about. But here we are. We’re in sync mother fuckers!!!!


It was the best day of my life everyone. I am an Adelaide Fringe Rock Star. I’m awesome like people wanna be a better man.


Here is a road trip:

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