Sunday, March 22, 2015

Cold Paranoia

I think I want to do more cold openings on my blog. You know like they do on TV shows, where they open the show with a little bit of comedy which doesn’t necessarily fit into the rest of the episode, or sometimes sets it up, or sometimes is just crap. Let’s try it:

Where is the ocean? It’s a question that has plagued scientists for years.

And now the opening credits and song:

The David Tieck Blog, the David Tieck blog, at the moment it’s called Fleeting Forever again,
And I am still technically supposed to be writing every day about it being the best of my life my friends,
Although based only on my own rules, which I have lapsed to be just write something positive every day,
This is the David Tieck blog, staring David Tieck, and now coming your way,

Written in front of a live studio audience.

And now to the main body of the blog:

So today I was driving for fourteen hours. It was fun. At one point I was stuck in a maze of detours near Australia’s capital city of Canberra trying to find the new freeway section, which bypasses the city. For a whole section of time I kept being right behind this one black jeep. So much so that I became convinced of several things:

1.     That, given the same dance of roads we were taking, he was obviously going to the same place as I was.
2.     That he was going to get paranoid that I was following him. Like in a creepy way. ‘Why does this guy keep taking all the same god damn turns as I am?’
3.     That I was getting very paranoid about making him paranoid.
4.     That it was almost worth going the wrong way so that I could stop following him, and therefore stop him thinking I was following him, and therefore could stop me thinking that he was thinking that I was following him.

It was around now that I realized that he was not in fact going the same way as me. I was so stuck in my head worrying about the whole following fiasco, that I had missed my GPS saying loudly that my turn was coming up, and then now, and then recalculating… recalculating… recalculating all because this son of a bitch WASN’T going where I was going, and I was trusting him and following him. What a fucking asshole. I ended up in the middle of nowhere because of him.

The End.

So hell yeah, love the cold opening. How about that ocean guys? Where the hell is it? And what the hell is that thing I have been thinking was the ocean? Is this a conspiracy? Am I the only one who didn’t know that that wasn’t the ocean? Why wasn’t that part of the blog resolved damn it? I’m all paranoid. Who knows where I’ll end up because of this? I wonder if there will be a black jeep there?

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