If you ask me (and people do frequently, just to nip any
naysaying square in the bud before it has a chance to do grow, and let’s face
it, growth can sometimes lead to an increase in size for fuck’s sake) there
simply is nothing on earth quite as galvanizing as the unintended grisliness of
being groovy.
Now I know that's a controversial thing to say. Highly controversial. So I'll let it sit
with you for a moment. To let it sink in. And fully affect your regions where
things sink to. I prefer to use my brain, so I mostly take things in and then
let them rise up, but I am not everyone.
As you accept this statement into your heart I do ask for just
one favor, before you make your placards, before you write to your elected
officials, before you riot with water pistols at your local joke book store
ironically called 'dry wit', before you play your favorite Michael Jackson
protest song, before you graffiti slogans of independent thought onto the side
of light rail carriages, before you shake your fist saying something like
'grrrr', before you burn down a whole mall to save you burning down each of
your target stores independently even knowing full well that an innocent food
court Cambodian food start up that admittedly was failing and will be thankful
for the chance to claim insurance and pretend this entire ordeal be finally
over, will accidentally get mixed up in your cause, and be burned down against
your specific wishes, or at least in contrast to your specific goals, before
your bazooka a rival gang's secret headquarters without explaining how you
FOUND OUT that secret, before you declare all out war against a nation of peace
loving neutral island living resort owners, before you light yourself on fire
on the steps of parliament surprisingly on the west side steps, the ones next
to the fountain, before you go on a hunger strike and stitch your lips
together, before you... and I hate to even think about this... but before you
push over a chair in disgust.
Just hear me out. Ok? I know it's a brutally controversial statement,
and l know you wish for the acknowledgment of an unheralded level of statement
of disagreement, but I can defend it. So you'll listen? Deal? ANSWER ME YOU
PSYCO FUCK????
Oh wait, this isn't an audible medium, I assume you agreed.
Nothing on earth is as galvanizing as the unintended grisliness
of being groovy, because:
The term to be 'groovy' comes from the 'grooves' on vinyl
records.
Vinyl was also used to make faux leather jackets.
Jackets keep you warm in mild cold.
Mild is how pussies order the spice level of their Buffalo
Chicken Wings.
Chickens being an animal who never 'intended' to be mostly
coveted for their wings, especially seeing as they can't fly, and frankly they
personally consider their beaks to be their tastiest part.
Their beaks being the only part of their body their tongues can
reach.
Reach being how you acquire something on the other side of the
table.
Things like salt, pepper and a myriad of other potential
condiment options, which have the ability to dazzle the senses and enhance foodstuffs
whether already superb or in dire need of help.
The marriage of need and help being proof of mankind's inherent
instinct for compassion, and in no way at all undermines the sanctity of the
more traditional marriage, between a boy and his cousin even though they look
strikingly alike, due to them being the only two people in town on the exact
same class structure.
And compassion being one of the few words to guarantee bringing
to mind ‘compression’, an important part of the process of vinyl record
production, which brings us full circle.
Circles being nature’s strongest shape, other than triangles,
and possibly rhombuses.
So there you have it. That settles that. If you didn't
wait you may now jump in the fountain and put yourself out, unstitch your lips
and eat a Cambodian Noodle Soup, or ..... and I hate to even think about
this... pick up the chair you pushed over.
The important thing is that now we're all on the same page, and
no one has even the slightest bit of doubt as to why the unintended grisliness
of being groovy is super galvanizing.
Oh wait, also because if you're groovy there's also the grisly
reality that someone else is not so lucky and perhaps feels lonely and
left out which raises the very galvanizing topic of whether utter equality is a
possibility, or should even be a social goal.
Goals being things only achievable with effort.
Effort being something that tastes like shit, no matter what
condiments you have available. A bit like Cambodian food apparently. Ahhh. Full
circle.
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