A spiritualist from San Francisco, wanted to discover an experience she could partake in that was completely devoid of inanimate objects.
She searched the world.
Seeking true purity.
She swam with Turtles in the Galápagos Islands.
But her bathing suit was an inanimate object.
She ran with elephants in the Sahara.
But her boots were inanimate objects.
So she went back to both and did them naked.
But it turns out both water and land themselves are inanimate objects.
And the tough Sahara ground had given her feet some awful blisters.
And, yep bandaids, even more inanimate objects.
She was distraught, crestfallen even.
Years passed slowly as she failed to come up with answers.
But then she had a brain wave.
After her feet had finally healed, she went into a deep period of intense meditation.
She studied and practiced and learned and studied.
It took twenty five years of non-stop dedication.
But she did it.
She learned to levitate.
It was time.
She stripped off her clothes, and using all the will and strength she had saved and built over twenty five years she closed her eyes, tensed her muscles and her soul, and slowly yet gently she lifted off the ground.
She was now the first person in history to have had an experience devoid of inanimate objects!
The effort took a huge toll on her physically.
Upon landing she immediately passed out and fell into a deep coma that was to last several years.
This was lucky for her in a way.
For it was only weeks later when the photos that had been taken of her amazing feat had gone well and truly viral was it pointed out...
that she'd forgotten to take her watch off.